Help

[danyell88]

My nan has had to come live with us, but we are a little stook now as she has took a turn for the worse and is in hospital.
Her social worker has offered us 1hour a day care, which is no good. Does anyone know where we could get any help with a few more hours in the day, as we all have full time jobs.
The social worker has stated she is on a waiting list for 1 day centre but it has been over 6 months now. I always promised my nan that I would never let anyone take her away (a home), it would kill me and my mum and dad to do this especially me as wen she had early stages she would make me promise her I would never let anyone take her away.
Any help or advice would be great xx

 

[kingmidas1962]

I thought I'd quickly reply to acknowledge your post and say hi!

Sometimes you have to be very pushy with social services and say quite clearly that what she is offering is not enough, especially as you all work. Mention words like 'vulnerable adults' and 'safeguarding' ...

There should be someone in hospital who is going to be looking after her best interests when she is discharged - I'm not sure what the title of that person or team is but someone else will know

Welcome to Talking Point - it's always lovely to meet new members but a shame that any of us need to find ourselves here xxx

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya Danyell and welcome to Talking Point,

So sorry to hear that your Nan is in hospital after having moved in with you. You don't say what arrangements you had in place prior to her taking a turn for the worst. Did she have carers coming in during the day? Were you/are you at home during the day to look after her? If you give us just a little more background then we can perhaps give you more taylored advice.

Having said that, your Nan is in the best place for her, and her being in hospital believe it or not, gives you some power in order to negotiate what is needed as part of her discharge, whenever that might happen. This is because there is a legal process which hospitals have to follow when they are discharging someone from their care. Part of this is that they have to make sure that there is an adequate care plan in place. The following link tells you all that they should do as part of planning her discharge and the power that you have is that they will want to ship her home so they can get their bed back and you (I hope), guided by the information, will refuse to accept her home until you are satisfied that proper arrangements are in place to give her whatever level of care that she needs. http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/E...ital_discharge_arrangements_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

You do have to bear in mind though that the one hour a day, which is normally divided into 4, 15 minute visits, is the maximum that Local Authorities tend to offer. Beyond that, if a person's needs are not being met, you are then expected to look down the care home route, which obviously you don't want to do.

As part of the discharge process, they should assess your Nan to see whether she qualifies for Continuing Health Care (CHC). If she does qualify for it then this could potentially be a route to getting more than one hour of care a day. Have a look at what the link I posted says about this and if you want more information then just give us a shout and we will point you in the right direction.

If there is any advice that I could give you, it is to quickly get up to speed about what your Nan may be entitled to. Gather the information together. Be prepared to back your case. Don't let them fob you off or bully you either. Make a note too that care doesn't just include the one hour's worth a day - it also covers any equipment or adaptations to the house (eg putting up grab rails, or supplying a commode, or fitting an electric bath seat, etc.) so think about anything like that that may be of use to you. THEN, once you are content with what is being offered - DO NOT let them discharge her until everything is in place! Make sure she has no house keys on her, so that they can't just send her home in a taxi either!

It is lovely that your Nan has got you and your family there to look out for her and support her and I hope that you can get the right level of care and support in place so that both you and your Nan are happy with the arrangements.

Fiona

 

[danyell88]

Hi. Thanks for getting back so quick to me.
I hope I'm replying back right.
My nan used to have a care package when she used to live on her own where they'd come in 4 x 15 mins day (well supposed of) I was never happy with the care that she got when she was at home. Now she has came to live with us which we don't have anyone coming to see her. A nurse used to come once a week and used to sit with her and ask her questions but that seemed to have dropped of, as apparently there was cuts so which meant the nurse stopped coming to see her. My nan used to be on her own while we was at work so that was from 8:00- 3:30 roughly, but she was always fine as she keeps herself busy, she's potter around the house cleaning, feeding herself and also her little dog. Also my other nan and grandad live 2doors away from us so mostly my nan would pop in twice a day when she could. Also on a Thursday my grandad would take her down to her cousins and she would look after her, also Friday my grandad would take her thr hairdressers where then she would get a taxi to her sisters where she would be there for a couple of hours there until one of us came home from work.
We are trying to find out if we could even get someone to sit with for a couple of hours non- wed and if we or my nan has to pay as she has got a regular income, or maybe day centers where she could socialise with other people instead of her little dog all day (her dog is her baby who is also getting old which I really fear the worst if somethink happens to dog, I'm not to sure how my would cope)
I'm trying to exhaust all aspects what is around even if it costs money to keep her out of care, as when she 1st had early stages she made me promise not to put her in one, and it would kill me to see her in one.
Thanks for the reply
It makes me feel a little better in myself just righting about what's going on and know there is people out there who kindly will listen and try and help or give any advise they know.

Thanks again
Danyell xx

 

[Noorza]

When you made those promises, neither you nor your grandmother knew what lay ahead. It is not the promises that you made without knowledge of what was ahead that count, it is getting her the right level of care, whilst meeting your own needs.

It is a common misconception that homes are a place of punishment when the families no longer love their loved ones enough to care for them at home. That's not the reality, these places can give the 24/7 care your loved one may need now or come to need in the future. They are fed, warm, have lots of company, they are kept safe and have lots of entertainment throughout the day. Loved ones continue to care but in a different less stressful way.

You can carry on caring but just in a different way. There is little support out there, I used to get 90 minutes a fortnight but not even that now.

I know you feel it will kill you, I know it's not what you want, but none of us want loved ones with dementia. If it were me, I would be thinking about what she needs NOW, where is she best stimulated, where is she safe and don't focus on promises that were made when you didn't know what lay ahead.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi danyell88 and welcome to TP

I agree with the above posts - care homes can be excellent so i wouldn't rule them out. However, for the moment, i think the main issue is, is your Nan safe on her own while you are at work? If she cannot be considered safe alone, then it does seem to me that the social worker should be able look at some more creative solutions.

For example, have they looked at a direct payment for your nan (if she has less than £23,500 in savings)? This is the amount of money that day care and care visits combined would cost, which potentially could be paid into a special account for her. This might enable you to pay someone you know, or a private carer, to be with her, and it would reduce the agency costs. Just a thought.....

Also have they looked at all kinds of day care, ie some care homes can take someone for daytime only, or there may be Age UK or Alzheimer's clubs that meet locally.

Keep your eyes open, perhaps speak with your local Carers Trust if you have one (http://www.carers.org/) and keep your nan's safety uppermost in everyone's minds.

Wishing you all the best and good luck

Lindy xx

 

[gerry200]

I'm so sorry that your Nan is in hospital and I hope she is getting better.

My mother lives with me and she gets an hour and a half of direct care per day which, at the moment is split into an hour in the morning and half an hour at night - 15 minute slots do not work with her as she is very slow and I put my foot down! In addition, she goes two days a week to day centre for 6 hours and is picked up and returned by taxi. In addition to that, there are 4 hours a week of care and companionship visits which are flexible and allow me to go out. I also get 4 weeks of respite per year. We are pretty much at the maximum of what you can get. If we want extra care, we can just phone up the care agency (or any care agency in fact) directly and pay them ourselves. In addition, Alzheimer's Society and Age Uk, offer a Befriending service - but it's not available everywhere so you'd need to check that.

I think a six month wait for a daycare place is not ok, it sounds like something she would really enjoy so I would push that very, very hard.

It is worth thinking ahead too and getting plans in place as she will inevitably need 24 hour care at some time, so either someone gives up their job ( like I did, and it's NOT easy!) or she goes into some sort of care home - I couldn't find any middle ground on that one.

Your Nan must feel very cherished by all the care that you and the family are taking of her - it's lovely that everyone is pitching in.

Gerry

 

[danyell88]

Thank you soo much, everyone who is getting back to me, I have probably achieved more in this than I have with her social worker.
I have thought about giving my job up or maybe going part time as I've also got my 5 year old son which is of course is my life commitment.
I do think about the safety of my nan and I know that at some point it might come to that decision where she would need to go into 24 hour care, I just get also worried about the things you see on the television about how some of them are. She had been in resbite as when my mum and dad have been away. The 1st time she went really bad in there she just went down hill, but the 2nd time she loved it chatting to everyone joining in, in activities and it made me soo happy to see her like this and I didn't have to worry about when I couldn't get in to see her as I knew she was happy, but sadly this care home does not take full time residents, which is a shame as it is a fabulous place.
I'm going to speak to some of these groups and see if they know about any other services available even if we have to pay.

Really everyone you don't realise how overwhelmed I am with everyone's advise and support, thank you really soo much, it has really helped us a lot I will update my progress soon.
Many many thanks
Danyell xxxxx