Accusations

[Trace2012]

Hi im goin through a tough time at the moment with my mam, shes 64 and has early inset AD, today has been the first time ive
Really broken down! I'm getting accused of stealing her money, and getting credit in her name ( I'm not doin either ) but shes really hurtful with it! Its normally one of my sons that get the blame, but now its turned to me, how long does accusing last? Forever? Im really hurt and upset by this, i know she wouldnt blame me if she was in "better mind" but i cnt help how hurt i get! It dosent matter how much i
Tell her i havent or explain where
Her money has gone
She
Wont believe me! Wits end isnt even the word!

 

[marionq]

Horrible situation but trying to explain to her is a total waste of time. You can walk away, change the subject, distract her by suggesting a cup of tea or going for a walk or you can just let it flow over you. The one thing that doesn't help her or you is for you let it get you down. Easier said than done. Are you in touch with the Alz Soc? Does her GP know about her paranoia?

She needs to meet other people at a day centre or Alz Group so she can focus on something other than you. You are her whipping post because you are there that is all.

 

[Nebiroth]

You may have to be blunt and say "You can believe that if you like mum but I simply won't discuss it. We can either drop the subject or I will leave"

And be prepared to do it. Leaving need only be a five minute round the block if you like.

You will never convince her she is wrong, so there is no point in trying. Even evidence like bank statements will likely be dismissed as the bank being in on it.

The only thing you can really do is to avoid engaging, you'll only end up being hurt.

 

[Trace2012]

I did, i walked out and went to see my aunty, i live with my mam and my 2 14 yr old sons, she went upstairs and sed she was leavin wen i got bak, she is in her room now so dunno wats happenin, i am not intouch with any social workers as she wouldn't let anyone else help her but me, so would b a waste of time really, ive had anti depressants for her, no. Addictive and shes took them
Reluctantly, so i dont think she would take the ones for bein paranoid, she thinks im tryin to make her sleep all the time so is very suspicious of anymore tablets

 

[dalmation lady]

This sounds so like my father. I have been on the receiving end of so many malicious emails over the past year, accusing me of stealing from him, talking about him, he glares at me if I walk into the room, has thrown me out of the house on numerous occasions.
I struggle at times to remind myself that I hate the sight of him only because of what the disease has done to him though. So I guess it's the Alzheimer's I have got to get to terms with as he's not going to get any better.
Whether some part of him has any concept of the hurt he has caused I don't know
I know I posted about this some weeks ago and it does seem to be a common trait of the disease

 

[Trace2012]

Yes i know it does, shes quite hurtful, and my son takes it really well compared to me, but they have seen today and the state im in and both sed they dont
Want to live here with her as she is makin there lives a misery, there 14 and they never go out and are always in the firing line( well 1 of them is, the other dosent get any blame at all) i work and can't afford not to, so i cnt always b in, i also only have 1 friend, and i go up 3 times a week on an evening, and then all
I get is " ur never in" i need to have a life, i need a break from all this, im goin insane

 

[susy]

I am going to be blunt here and I really hope I don't offend you, if I do then I am sorry.
I can see a crisis looming. Your boys are suffering as they are living in a really difficult household.it is not that long til they have to do their gcse's and there is all the course work too. It is no ones fault it is the disease. You are suffering because you are exhausted and being a verbal punch bag along side one of your sons. Your mum doesn't want social services involved? Well tough! You cannot continue the way you are. Can you and your sons afford to live elsewhere? I would be looking in to that and having social services providing help for your mum with some input, if you can, from you.

You are in a really difficult situation and you are not superwoman, non of us are! I wish you and your family the very best and hope you find your way through this with your mum happy and safe and your boys settled.

 

[bdmid]

H

Hi im goin through a tough time at the moment with my mam, shes 64 and has early inset AD, today has been the first time ive
Really broken down! I'm getting accused of stealing her money, and getting credit in her name ( I'm not doin either ) but shes really hurtful with it! Its normally one of my sons that get the blame, but now its turned to me, how long does accusing last? Forever? Im really hurt and upset by this, i know she wouldnt blame me if she was in "better mind" but i cnt help how hurt i get! It dosent matter how much i
Tell her i havent or explain where
Her money has gone
She
Wont believe me! Wits end isnt even the word!

I am in the same situation as you with my mum, this does sound like you are heading for a crisis. You have to learn not to argue, try to distract her, or just walk out of the room for a while. There is no doubt this is really hard and emotional, and I'd like to say it gets better, but it might not. You have to get her GP involved, I tricked by mum, who also refused any other help, into thinking it was a health check ,for older people he will be able to advise and help you. It's not going to be easy, the advise I was given is when in crisis, they live in the moment, so trying to explain things doesn't help. It's not your mum, she doesn't meN to accuse you it's the illness that makes her like this. Hang on in there and try and look after yourself too.

 

[jellyfish]

Hi, my husband went through this suspicious stage but it did pass in time. I learnt to just switch off, walk into another room and distract whenever I was able. It's tough but it seems to be a common problem with this illness. Hopefully this phase will pass for your family too, sooner rather than later. Kindest wishes x