I'd be very grateful for any views on the pros and cons of relocation.
My elderly mother has middle stage AD. She lives with my father in London whereas my brother and I (and our families) live in the North, 4 hours away by car.
In London we have struggled to establish any satisfactory care and support for my mother and father due to our distance. My father is pretty much the sole carer. Problems of isolation, inadequate care and support exist as well as separate concerns regarding both my parents' health, even beyond the AD issue.
I believe we could offer my parents a great deal more support ourselves and marshal any outside care so much better if they lived close to us. On a practical level and on the level of providing direct emotional support relocation would reap huge benefits.
My father would be in favour of the move if it was in my mother's best interests. Clearly, he would benfit from lots more support. My mother prefers to defer any decision and, if anything and in truth, is probably anxious of the thought of any change.
Fortunately, financially the move would be very viable. The only but also fundamental issue is whether it would be in my mother's best interests.
A psychiatrist has now warned us that relocation may be detrimental as it will increase my mother's disorientation and therefore may accelerate her decline. At present she can still, more or less, find her way around her home of 30 odd years. Elsewhere she is far less sure of herself.
Socially, my mother has few contacts in London. It is however where she feels as home.
I had been aware that the loss of familiarity with the home and locality could be distressing. I hate the thought of my mother waking up every day and feeling lost and distressed in what would be intended to be her new home.
I feel there is are significant pros and cons with both options. The thought of my parents remaining somewhat isolated in London is very difficult, knowing how much better things could be on some levels were they to move local to us. On the other hand, it may be that the move would be counter-productive because of increased disorientation and loss of the sense of home.
I don't know what to do! I propose seeking some further professional advice. I would really welcome any views.
Thanks
Roger
My elderly mother has middle stage AD. She lives with my father in London whereas my brother and I (and our families) live in the North, 4 hours away by car.
In London we have struggled to establish any satisfactory care and support for my mother and father due to our distance. My father is pretty much the sole carer. Problems of isolation, inadequate care and support exist as well as separate concerns regarding both my parents' health, even beyond the AD issue.
I believe we could offer my parents a great deal more support ourselves and marshal any outside care so much better if they lived close to us. On a practical level and on the level of providing direct emotional support relocation would reap huge benefits.
My father would be in favour of the move if it was in my mother's best interests. Clearly, he would benfit from lots more support. My mother prefers to defer any decision and, if anything and in truth, is probably anxious of the thought of any change.
Fortunately, financially the move would be very viable. The only but also fundamental issue is whether it would be in my mother's best interests.
A psychiatrist has now warned us that relocation may be detrimental as it will increase my mother's disorientation and therefore may accelerate her decline. At present she can still, more or less, find her way around her home of 30 odd years. Elsewhere she is far less sure of herself.
Socially, my mother has few contacts in London. It is however where she feels as home.
I had been aware that the loss of familiarity with the home and locality could be distressing. I hate the thought of my mother waking up every day and feeling lost and distressed in what would be intended to be her new home.
I feel there is are significant pros and cons with both options. The thought of my parents remaining somewhat isolated in London is very difficult, knowing how much better things could be on some levels were they to move local to us. On the other hand, it may be that the move would be counter-productive because of increased disorientation and loss of the sense of home.
I don't know what to do! I propose seeking some further professional advice. I would really welcome any views.
Thanks
Roger