Mixed dementia, cancer and heart problems. Advice please Re knee replacement

[turmoil]

Hi

Dad is 80 and has the above health problems including neutrapenia (not sure I have spelt that right) However he is in considerable pain with his knee it is badly arthritic and all the creams and injections no longer work. I took him to the doctors and they increased his pain patch to highest strength and sending him to surgeon re knee replacement.

He has had two operations previously(local anesthetic) and suffered badly with dellerium but the hospital has sent him home, he lives alone, 10 mile from me and he is blind.

Has anyone had experience/advice?

Dad has not been able to get a bath or shower for 2.5 years, he is unable to cook for himself, cannot organise ect.

Please do not point me to SS as Dad seems too stubborn for their liking.

Thank you

Turmoil

Thank you

 

[clareglen]

Didn't want to read & run, but I think he needs a social service assessment. It sounds critical. Unless you know his finances are too high then it would be straight to organising direct services - a male carer perhaps. Don't know what else to suggest.

 

[bemused1]

Its just getting worse poor you. It seems to me that it is very likely that if your dad has his knee replaced that his dementia problems may increase to the point where he has to be taken into care stubborn or not. My husband has severe knee arthritis but refuses any suggestion of operations. So now I am having alterations to the house hoists and chairs to move him even in the house. Guess there's not much chance of your dad accepting any of this?

There is only so much you can do for someonewho won't be helped but you know that already. Maybe the time has come to let the operation go ahead and step back yourself with the knowledge there is just no more you can do.

I am so sorry not to be more help turmoil

 

[turmoil]

Thank you clareglen, unfortunately Dad is resistant to any help and as such the Social services are happy to tick the box and close the file.

Bemused1, Hi and thank you and as you say it could be the crisis that we have been waiting for and I do not see any option with this one as the pain has got so bad, again it is his own doing as he should have had knee replacements years ago but refused.
I do not know how he will get through it if he does.

My main concern is that they just send him home after the opp as they have done in the past in a very confused state. That is if they agree to do the opp, if I was a surgeon I wouldnt want this job.

I have stuck to my guns and I have taken a small step back, I now give myself a day a week at home to try catch up with housework ect, Dad seems to have lost the ability to use his mobile phone so the calls have stopped for now anyway.
I have also refused to get him any whiskey which has made such an improvement with his mood which is good as the antidepressants and support worker never materialised after his last psychiatrist visit.

I have been put on antidepressants by my doctor and they seem to make the days
bearable.

Thanks again for your replies and will let you know how it goes.
Take care
Turmoil x

 

[Dagne]

You could always refuse to let him be discharged from Hospital after his op until a suitable care plan is in place. Sorry to say this, but sometimes in order to get the care a relative needs, you have to force the issue. Our cousin was similarly stubborn, refuse to answer SW, etc.

SW would have ticked the box like you say, but we insisted that she was at severe risk of self-neglect, and that she had no insight into her condition, and had the right to be protected from the starvation and neglect of personal care that would result if they continued to accept her refusal. SW do have the power to attempt to provide care even against verbal refusal. They are only likely to use this power if you insist upon it, however.

The result in our case was that the carers and meals on wheels came. Meals on wheels were instructed to put the food within her reach even if she shouted at them to go away. Carers took 3 months to gain her trust, but did get there in the end - the improvement was truly remarkable, and she even made a friendship with one outstanding and rather wonderful carer.

Things you can't imagine happening - accepting care, even moving into a care home - won't happen overnight. But they won't happen at all unless you make a start. Gentle but firm persistence by carers can eventually result in acceptance.

Best of luck, and look after yourself, too!

 

[Spamar]

I've had a knee replaced under epidural. OH, 81, mixed dementia, has recently had vein graft also under epidural. I just cannot see how, with his other problems, they could release you father back home. If my experience is anything to go by, the dementia will be much, much worse, though it may recover a little in time. Then there is the exercises and general constraints against using the knee too much too soon. I cannot see how your father would cope with it without massive help.
Surely there is dome other form of pain relief available these days?.

 

[turmoil]

Thank you Dagne, I know they say that eventually people come round to accepting help however my Dad has always been very stubborn and the SS have hit a brick wall 10ft deep. I did refuse to take him out of hospital in the begining and was told by the social worker that I would need to evict my Dad (He gave me his house deed of gift in the 80's) I had to tell him I was evicting him and then they would find somewhere more suitable for him, the house is unsafe.

I was not prepared to do this, hence the mess we are now in.

Kind regards
Turmoil

 

[turmoil]

Hi Spamar and thank you for your reply.

I cannot see how he will cope either, looking at him today I do not know how he is still with us.

He is on the strongest pain patch which are morphine based as I understand, I cannot trust him with tablets as he has given them to the dog in the past and he has no idea when to take them or how or if he has taken them, I have a dossett box for the mementime tablet but not sure he actually takes the tablet.

The last time he had surgery, Aug last year, they discharged him in a very confused state, they did not even discharge him they posted the discharge letter to us, Dad had all the bedding, cup, gown and surgeon hats in his bags, they just wanted rid of him.

Dad found a broken clothes horse outside yesterday, he brought it in and said it was his bed for when he has his knee done as he will not be able to get upstairs
I just do not know whatwill happen but his knee and lower leg is double the size of other.

Thanks again

Turmoil x

 

[bemused1]

have you got a local alzheimets support worker? They may be able to come up with some ideas.
This cannot be allowed to happen for both your sakes.I agree with dagne you have to refuse to allow his discharge but I feel you need to start using vulnerable adult, risk and holding ss responsible for him if any harm happens.And it will. regard of his mental state knee replacements need time to get over.

You've mase steps to distance yourself, to resist buying your dad whiskey, huge steps as I can appreciate more than most.But now you really need to fight for yourself.Please please try every avenue open to give yourself abreak.

We can do little more than be here but we are when you need us.
Take care
bemused

 

[turmoil]

Update

Hello

I know you take time out of your problems to answer mine, I feel bad as I feel do not often do the same, it is not through selfishness, just tiredness, and I just wanted to say that you are my support. No words could thank you enough!

I have had to take Dad off the higher dose patch of painkiller due to all kinds of mental problems, he did not knoe who I was, where he was and suffered anxiety attacks.

I think he looks jaundice so have asked the doctors for blood test. I have arranged a consultation re his knee joint for 15th of this month, which I thought was good, but worried what else they can offer.

It must be 5/6 week since specialist said she would prescribe antidepressants and send support worker, I have chased it up, twice! Was told they are behind due to training courses.

Thank you

Turmoil

 

[bemused1]

Hello

I know you take time out of your problems to answer mine, I feel bad as I feel do not often do the same, it is not through selfishness, just tiredness, and I just wanted to say that you are my support. No words could thank you enough!

I have had to take Dad off the higher dose patch of painkiller due to all kinds of mental problems, he did not knoe who I was, where he was and suffered anxiety attacks.

I think he looks jaundice so have asked the doctors for blood test. I have arranged a consultation re his knee joint for 15th of this month, which I thought was good, but worried what else they can offer.

It must be 5/6 week since specialist said she would prescribe antidepressants and send support worker, I have chased it up, twice! Was told they are behind due to training courses.

Thank you

Turmoil

we all come here when we need support we can't find aywhere else.That's what its for.Having to keep chasing people just drags you down further. I often finish up feeling it must be me and husband, we don't deserve it because he is and has been a drinker for many years.

But he is a 'hero' who served his country for many years, no one except him has suffered from alcohol so why do we deserve to be made to feel like this?

I hope things improve for you but come back when you need.We will be here