so sad

[Jilly1]

Oh Margaret that is nice of you to say but I feel far from wonderful at the moment. I feel very selfish. How dare I cry like this when he has the disease.

 

[Jilly1]

Dolly is fine. She was obviously very shaken up. We caught her crawling inside to get hold of something to get herself up. Sat and chatted to her for a while and then informed neighbours the other side so they will keep an eye open too.

 

[rajahh]

Jilly sometimes the person with dementia does not have the same insight as the carer.

My husband was told he had Alzheimers, and he did not turn a hair. I was distressed, even though I had known for much longer, and in a way it was a relief to have the diagnosis.

You can see into the future ( not always a good thing, and not always exactly what will happen), your husband possibly does not have that ability now.

You can see that decisions are gong to be harder, more responsibility on your shoulders, and then of course sometimes we make the wrong decision or don't involve the partner, and this causes problems too.

Just keep talking to us.

Jeannette

 

[NanLorac]

Hi Jilly,

You are going through what I did last year, my husband is 62 and I am 58. So many questions, worrying about the future, heartbreak that your husband has Alzheimer's. I cried and cried but it gets easier so long as nobody mentions my husbands Alzheimer's or offers the slightest bit of sympathy.

You have done well getting the legal stuff sorted out and coming here you will always find someone to talk to. You mentioned Geoff maybe getting aggressive in the future, Don't spend time worrying about the future to much because we can't see that far ahead. My husband found giving up work the hardest thing because he had nothing to do all day but wait for me to come home. We got another dog and we got a Tablet that I updated daily with newspapers as he finds reading a book too hard but the newspapers are lots of small stories that he can manage and he does crosswords on the Tablet too.

Keep your chin up and enjoy the time you have now.

Take care Carol x

 

[Jilly1]

Thanks
I am trying to think ahead of ourselves to make decisions now while he is able to talk about it all. Makes it easier for me too!!

 

[Margaret938]

Dear Jilly,
You have done all the right things, getting your 'house' in order before it might be too late. But Carol is right don't worry about the future too much, let the future take care of itself. Geoff might never get aggressive, I see people in the CH who are very placid. Unfortunately George is not one of them !! He has his moments, as you know from my posts. Enjoy today.
Love Margaret x

 

[nikky]

me too!

My husband was diagnosed with frontal lobe dmentia in May, i had been crying for months before because he wasn't 'my' man, We had even taken to sleeping in seperate beds because he didn't want me around. Even wanted me to move out but continue coming everyday to help run the house and farm??? We had also moved to a new country in 2011....with no support around us. I was so unhappy and distraught i love him so much broke my heart. However things came to a head and i told him we needed to see the doc and progressed from there. When we got the diagnosis we felt relieved that we had an answer to all the weird things he was doing, joining dating agencies, looking at young women on the web, giving money to spam emailers...weird and dangerous..as well as his lack of reasoning. He was going in and out of being himself and even the dog would read his moods. Once we had the diagnosis we did talk about what we needed to do now..so POA and wills are all done, I've had to take all banking facilities away from him and just make sure he has cash in his wallet He is still capable of working, seems to keep him going but i just have to keep an eye on him. We are now back in the same bed and i have sorted out his misdeameanours and the specialist has given him some medication to calm his irrational behaviours which has helped a lot. But he can no longer make decisions, i find this so hard as we always made decisions together. I just hope i make the right decisions Sometimes the rsponsibilities are so great that i just don't know what to do...I've started to have the occasional panick attack for no apparent reason. I go to the post office and pick up the mail worrying about what will be in it and what decisions i will have to make We don't have any money worries at the moment its just all the decisions i have to make on my own Its the FEAR of the unknown, how am i going to manage. I have been through this with his mum and his brother is in the late stages...Its so hard to take it day by day when your whole life is changing. I don't have time to socialise, my computer is my lifeline. I just so want a majic wand!! His mum lived with us for 18mths before going into a NH and i hope he is like her. We are 'lucky' that now with the aid of the medication his emotions seem to have partially returned, which helps. He can't comprehend sadness or empathy, so if i have a good cry and he catches me i tell him i've stubbed my toe and he accepts that He does tell me he loves me now and that he couldn't live without me and it wipes away all my sadness for a time. He even hugs me back now He doesn't want to come back to the uk under any circumstances, we've talked about that and to be truthful i don't want to there is very little for me there. So i suppose i just have to get on with it.Try my best thats all i can do for this man that is the love of my life. He has also said if he gets aggressive to put him in a CH or if he gets too much. He said 'it won't matter I won't notice too much will I' lol Just make sure you're ok. I think the book of 'important' decisions is a good one and i'm going to start one today.

I'm so grateful to be able to have this site, to everyone out there coping with this you do a wonderful job and i appreciate all your comments and information!!!

 

[starsky]

starsky

My husband was diagnosed with frontal lobe dmentia in May, i had been crying for months before because he wasn't 'my' man, We had even taken to sleeping in seperate beds because he didn't want me around. Even wanted me to move out but continue coming everyday to help run the house and farm??? We had also moved to a new country in 2011....with no support around us. I was so unhappy and distraught i love him so much broke my heart. However things came to a head and i told him we needed to see the doc and progressed from there. When we got the diagnosis we felt relieved that we had an answer to all the weird things he was doing, joining dating agencies, looking at young women on the web, giving money to spam emailers...weird and dangerous..as well as his lack of reasoning. He was going in and out of being himself and even the dog would read his moods. Once we had the diagnosis we did talk about what we needed to do now..so POA and wills are all done, I've had to take all banking facilities away from him and just make sure he has cash in his wallet He is still capable of working, seems to keep him going but i just have to keep an eye on him. We are now back in the same bed and i have sorted out his misdeameanours and the specialist has given him some medication to calm his irrational behaviours which has helped a lot. But he can no longer make decisions, i find this so hard as we always made decisions together. I just hope i make the right decisions Sometimes the rsponsibilities are so great that i just don't know what to do...I've started to have the occasional panick attack for no apparent reason. I go to the post office and pick up the mail worrying about what will be in it and what decisions i will have to make We don't have any money worries at the moment its just all the decisions i have to make on my own Its the FEAR of the unknown, how am i going to manage. I have been through this with his mum and his brother is in the late stages...Its so hard to take it day by day when your whole life is changing. I don't have time to socialise, my computer is my lifeline. I just so want a majic wand!! His mum lived with us for 18mths before going into a NH and i hope he is like her. We are 'lucky' that now with the aid of the medication his emotions seem to have partially returned, which helps. He can't comprehend sadness or empathy, so if i have a good cry and he catches me i tell him i've stubbed my toe and he accepts that He does tell me he loves me now and that he couldn't live without me and it wipes away all my sadness for a time. He even hugs me back now He doesn't want to come back to the uk under any circumstances, we've talked about that and to be truthful i don't want to there is very little for me there. So i suppose i just have to get on with it.Try my best thats all i can do for this man that is the love of my life. He has also said if he gets aggressive to put him in a CH or if he gets too much. He said 'it won't matter I won't notice too much will I' lol Just make sure you're ok. I think the book of 'important' decisions is a good one and i'm going to start one today.

I'm so grateful to be able to have this site, to everyone out there coping with this you do a wonderful job and i appreciate all your comments and information!!!