Mum, 93 years (has LBD), at new care home for just half a day before being sent to A & E. Since then, within nine days of move, she has had another two admittances. For latest admittance I was told to get there asap because mum was completely unresponsive and it was agreed with doctor to note DNR, with mum remaining just on oxygen and being made as comfortable as possible for her last days.
But my feisty mother is having none of this. After 15 hours of being completely 'out of it', she was back – and attempting to eat breakfast. How I wish she'd stop fighting this, but somewhere, hidden within this horrid disease, her personality is doggedly refusing to accept what's happening. Her stroppiness, persistance and argumentative nature is striving to win. She shouts (it's more than shouting - a very deep and extremely loud bellow, almost like a cow mooing) every few minutes, day and night and is one of the reasons she was evicted from previous home. “Nurse”, “Mummy”, “Daddy”, “Help”, over and over. She has been moved to a side room, but even so I could hear her before I'd even reached the ward. She is lying in foetal position and gabbles nonsense in between the bellowing. She seems frightened and bewildered and I gleaned she is terrified of dying. No medication (various tried in last two months) to alleviate her agitation has helped. Within less than a few seconds of seemingly realising it was me (after explanation) she'd forgotten. Just before I arrived she had pulled out the needles from drip and removed all the dressing from her leg (self-inflicted injury from throwing stuff around). Each time I visit she won't face me, and grips for dear life the rails at side of bed. She seems so wound up and so tense, so unhappy. I just wish she'd let go – of everything, of life.
But my feisty mother is having none of this. After 15 hours of being completely 'out of it', she was back – and attempting to eat breakfast. How I wish she'd stop fighting this, but somewhere, hidden within this horrid disease, her personality is doggedly refusing to accept what's happening. Her stroppiness, persistance and argumentative nature is striving to win. She shouts (it's more than shouting - a very deep and extremely loud bellow, almost like a cow mooing) every few minutes, day and night and is one of the reasons she was evicted from previous home. “Nurse”, “Mummy”, “Daddy”, “Help”, over and over. She has been moved to a side room, but even so I could hear her before I'd even reached the ward. She is lying in foetal position and gabbles nonsense in between the bellowing. She seems frightened and bewildered and I gleaned she is terrified of dying. No medication (various tried in last two months) to alleviate her agitation has helped. Within less than a few seconds of seemingly realising it was me (after explanation) she'd forgotten. Just before I arrived she had pulled out the needles from drip and removed all the dressing from her leg (self-inflicted injury from throwing stuff around). Each time I visit she won't face me, and grips for dear life the rails at side of bed. She seems so wound up and so tense, so unhappy. I just wish she'd let go – of everything, of life.
So many times I have wished she could just go peacefully to sleep and never wake up. 
