Bit down again this morning :(

[fullmoon]

I hate AD............ when bathing mum this morning she had a small accident in bath. I played it down and dealt with it as you do but it was yet another blow. Mum would have been highly embarrassed but Post AD mum didn't turn a hair and that's what hurt most - yet more evidence of my mum slipping away and being engulfed by this terrible disease.
On the way to daycare we had usual constant nonsensical chatter and I am sitting there thinking how long/bad is this going to get? Then I am consumed with guilt because mum is the victim here:/.
The truth is I don't want mum to have a long undignified journey. I hate seeing my mum slowly fall apart.
Better make myself a strong cup of tea, dry my eyes and get on with my jobs before it all starts again when she comes home. So pleased I am able to come here and vent.

 

[Carara]

Awwwwww Fullmoon I feel for you

Not alot I can say to comfort you apart from I hate this illness too so your not alone

Chin up eh

 

[SisterAct]

I hate AD............ when bathing mum this morning she had a small accident in bath. I played it down and dealt with it as you do but it was yet another blow. Mum would have been highly embarrassed but Post AD mum didn't turn a hair and that's what hurt most - yet more evidence of my mum slipping away and being engulfed by this terrible disease.
On the way to daycare we had usual constant nonsensical chatter and I am sitting there thinking how long/bad is this going to get? Then I am consumed with guilt because mum is the victim here:/.
The truth is I don't want mum to have a long undignified journey. I hate seeing my mum slowly fall apart.
Better make myself a strong cup of tea, dry my eyes and get on with my jobs before it all starts again when she comes home. So pleased I am able to come here and vent.

Your Mum is lucky to have you.
Luv
Polly x

 

[lilysmybabypup]

All I can say is yes, yes, and yes again. It is heartbreaking to witness the slow unravelling of a person we love.

I'm glad you could shed a tear because sometimes I think I'd be better if I did but it won't come. I'm also glad you could come here and say all the things you're feeling and know there is no judgement. Yes it's hard for your mum, and I fear a loss of dignity above all else. But the truth is it's probably harder for those of us able to understand what's happening. I suppose the only grace we see in dementia is an unawareness in the sufferer of all that's being lost.

I hope you're feeling a bit better now, and know what a wonderful gift you're giving your mum. This is what love is all about.

Take care,
Stephanie, xxx

 

[Big Effort]

Hello there Fullmoon,

I have utmost sympathy and total understanding....now. In my experience, the early stages of Alzheimers were plain sailing in an emotional sense. Mum a bit lost for words, concepts lost and so on. But the Dementia! Now that takes its savage toll on me each time. I cannot shield myself, nor see it coming, and every damn time it hurts like hell.

For me it was Mum the gourmet cook stirring youghurt into her boiled egg..... running around in the kitchen without knickers on..... a nicely parcelled poo left on the draining board..... not knowing how to put on her trousers......

Good example. It is hot here and I made a lovely cool smoothie. Our own strawberries and lots of yummy fruit. "What's that?" It's a smoothie... and I listed out what was in it. "Oh. What's a smoothie?". She drank a glass and liked it, then denied she had had any and wanted my husband's glass. It's the Dementia that hurts.

Also a big hurdle for me was washing Mum in the shower. "Shampoo???? What do I do with that?" These knowledge gaps. Ouch ouch ouch.

I am sure you are down as you contemplate the loss of the person. The body looks the same, and yet inside, where it is invisible until provoked, Dementia rules the roost.

I suppose it is inevitable as the disease progresses. At least Mum isn't violent, she is compassionate and caring, still herself in that she is Determined (another Capital D).

I weep with you soul sister! Hugs, we can do it together, BE

 

[annad]

Carers are amazing.

The pain, the indignity, the anger. It's so cruel. I take my hat off to people who care for their relatives. Unfortunately, I can't do the same for my mum as I live far away. A home is the only option and I feel so guilty about that.

I hate AD............ when bathing mum this morning she had a small accident in bath. I played it down and dealt with it as you do but it was yet another blow. Mum would have been highly embarrassed but Post AD mum didn't turn a hair and that's what hurt most - yet more evidence of my mum slipping away and being engulfed by this terrible disease.
On the way to daycare we had usual constant nonsensical chatter and I am sitting there thinking how long/bad is this going to get? Then I am consumed with guilt because mum is the victim here:/.
The truth is I don't want mum to have a long undignified journey. I hate seeing my mum slowly fall apart.
Better make myself a strong cup of tea, dry my eyes and get on with my jobs before it all starts again when she comes home. So pleased I am able to come here and vent.

 

[LYN T]

Hi Fullmoon

Sorry you feel so bad.You express exactly what I feel.(I've had a little weep this morning as friends have told me that they are going on their hols to Italy. Pete and I did a tour of Italy when he was comparatively well.Stupid me I got the photos out and that started me off.There will never be any more holidays together and Pete is slipping into a person who has no resemblance to his former self.

That's the sad bit.No memory,no dignity no nothing that reminds me of him.SW phoned me today as he assessed P again at the MHU where he is whilst a care home is found for him.SW said that he agreed with the lovely nursing staff that P has travelled along the AD road somewhat as he has entered the stage where he has less anxiety and has gone into the 'contented phase'.Sleeping a lot etc.I'm relieved for him but another blow for me.(selfish feelings)

Please take care of yourself. I feel really sorry for you but all I can do is send you hugs and sympathy at such a difficult time.Perhaps others will post how they have come to terms with the cruelty dementia inflicts-I would love to find some way of coping better.

OOPs I've turned this post into a 'I feel sorry for myself' rant.Much to my shame.

Love from Lyn T

 

[1954]

Yes it is a really sad situation. My hubby and I were talking this morning as MIL was late waking up. We said how MIL is getting worse. I am not sure strangers would notice so much but we do. MIL if forgetting words now, however, her speech/language is still one of things she has retained quite well

Slipping away all the time but as you said at least she is completely unaware of it!