Long term memory

[Gemz67]

Is it usual for people with bad short term memory loss to also lose longer term memories?

I've just been chatting to mum, and she thinks her in-laws who passed 10 years ago are still alive, although she couldn't remember their names.

Her father passed 33 years ago but she thinks he's still alive too.

She doesn't recall family members from her youth, who she used to speak about a lot (so much so, I feel like I know them even though I never met them).

She was raised by her gran and aunt, who passed away 42 and 35 years ago respectively. She has just said she needs to go and see gran this week because she hasn't seen her for a while and wants to check she is ok.

Is this long term memory loss, or part of the confusion she seems riddled with?

Gem x

 

[drmclarke]

I don't know if it's usual, but my mum has started to do similar - perhaps someone else has a better answer?

 

[Butter]

Yes I think so, I'm afraid. Especially as people get frailer and iller. My mother began to fret that her father was not visiting her in the carehome. He had been dead more than forty years. I told her I was sure he was thinking of her. And then later when she was distressed again, I told her I would pass on all her messages to him. So I passed them on in my mind as I left the carehome.
It is very sad but I think you will find you can comfort her.

 

[at wits end]

I am constantly surprised by what different people can remember on different days. At the moment my gran has a bee in her bonnet about changing CHs. She remembers the conversations we had about it last week and what I said I would do. But she didnt know where the shampoo I had just put in her hand had come from, it was like it suddenly appeared, and she kept asking what day it was.

A few weeks ago gran said she couldnt remember what had happened to my Dad who died 35 years ago. But when we discussed it she remembered the events of the day, just not the outcome of them.

I guess there is no real fixed pattern to memory loss.

 

[oneloopylady]

My dad asks me often if his brother is still alive - he died 10 years ago. Yet he remembers being in the Navy and living in Africa during my childhood.

He cannot tell me what he ate yesterday, and cannot tell anyone his age or date of birth, but he can tell you what his old schoolmaster looked like when he was 10.

He can remember being raised in a childrens home with his 3 siblings, but then in the same sentence, he cannot recalls his brothers names. or whether they are older or younger than him.

I think dementia is simply one of those dreadful illnesses that has no rhyme or reason - and some days he can talk for England and other days, he babbles......

I just try to take every day as it comes and try NOT to show my exasperation when he asks me the same questions every single day!! lol

It's like 'Groundhog Day' or '50 First Dates' - without the joy at the end of it.

Trisha
xxx

 

[Witzend]

Is it usual for people with bad short term memory loss to also lose longer term memories?

I've just been chatting to mum, and she thinks her in-laws who passed 10 years ago are still alive, although she couldn't remember their names.

Her father passed 33 years ago but she thinks he's still alive too.

She doesn't recall family members from her youth, who she used to speak about a lot (so much so, I feel like I know them even though I never met them).

She was raised by her gran and aunt, who passed away 42 and 35 years ago respectively. She has just said she needs to go and see gran this week because she hasn't seen her for a while and wants to check she is ok.

Is this long term memory loss, or part of the confusion she seems riddled with?

Gem x

My mother started asking about her parents a few years ago. (they died 30+ and 50+ years ago). Had I seen them lately, they must be getting old now and could do with some help. (my mother is nearly 95) She is mostly past such things now, but still mentions them now again.
I just used the good old little white lies, i.e. no, I hadn't seen them for a bit (!), but I'd give them a ring later and see when they'd like us to go and see them. That used to keep her happy.

The other day she mentioned them again - first time for quite a while - I said I'd take her tomorrow - it was so chilly and damp out today.

It is very disconcerting when this sort of thing crops up for the first time but you do get used to it.

Funnily enough she has never once asked about my father (died over 20 years ago) although they had a long and mostly very happy marriage. Actually I looked on it as one of the very few blessings of dementia that she was no longer missing or grieving over him. If I ever mention him, she just says very vaguely, 'Oh, yes, did he die?' Not upset at all.

 

[Gemz67]

I think what affects me the most, is when she can't remember something and is reminded, she isn't bothered that she couldn't remember. It was only a few of weeks ago that she was bothered by it. It's such a shock when she doesn't seem to care that she can't remember spending 2 nights in hospital over last bank holiday (or being at the hospital at all!), that would have terrified her two weeks ago! Although I'm glad it doesn't seem to affect her, it does drive home how much and how quickly she is changing now.

I totally wasn't expecting her to not remember her gran isn't with us anymore, I wasn't at all prepared for that!

Gem x

 

[Moonflower]

It is strange - generally I would say that my mother's short term memory is non existent, but she can remember where she lived as a little girl, her school etc.

BUT - she has completely and utterly forgotten her brother. He grew up with her, and has been a constant presence in her life - lived with us for a while when I was young, holidayed with my mother as an adult right up to a couple of years ago.

She genuinely has no memory of him - which has rather hurt him. He phones her every week. She refers to him as "my so called brother" and occasionally expresses surprise that her mother never told her she had a brother.

So odd.

 

[Witzend]

Yes I think so, I'm afraid. Especially as people get frailer and iller. My mother began to fret that her father was not visiting her in the carehome. He had been dead more than forty years. I told her I was sure he was thinking of her. And then later when she was distressed again, I told her I would pass on all her messages to him. So I passed them on in my mind as I left the carehome.
It is very sad but I think you will find you can comfort her.

When my mother was having her broken hip fixed, although I never heard it for my self she apparently kept telling the nurses that she was going to tell her father of them and he would have them all put in prison. My visiting sister overheard one of them once reply very mildly, 'Well, I've spoken to your father, and he says you've got to eat your lunch.'
Must say they were incredibly good with her.

Funny thing was that she broke her leg at 11 and had often told me how kind her father was to her at the time, though in general he was not at all an affectionate type. I think these memories must have been coming back, though I didn't think of it at the time.

 

[Gemz67]

It is strange - generally I would say that my mother's short term memory is non existent, but she can remember where she lived as a little girl, her school etc.

BUT - she has completely and utterly forgotten her brother. He grew up with her, and has been a constant presence in her life - lived with us for a while when I was young, holidayed with my mother as an adult right up to a couple of years ago.

She genuinely has no memory of him - which has rather hurt him. He phones her every week. She refers to him as "my so called brother" and occasionally expresses surprise that her mother never told her she had a brother.

So odd.

The poor man, that must be very difficult for him.

I did dread my mum forgetting me, as I'm the only one out of my siblings that is around, and if she did forget me, I'm pretty sure the rest of them will still steer clear!

However, one of my daughters is the double of me, and her daughter of her as a child. My mum is constantly calling her Gem. So, my daughter suggested we invest in a 'spy-kit' if mum starts to not recognise me, she will go in pretending she is me and I can direct her using spy-cam and mic/earpiece....maybe my daughter missed her calling with MI5!

Gem x

 

[Delphie]

My mum's short term memory started going first but long term wasn't far behind. For quite some time now she hasn't been able to remember her personal history with any degree of accuracy, or any major world events either for that matter. In itself, it doesn't seem to bother her, but she's created for herself many false memories and confabulations that she does find distressing, and, unfortunately, there's no putting her right. The only thing that helps a bit is medication but she refuses to take it and medicating her covertly is hit and miss.

 

[Gemz67]

False memories yes! Mum is getting more and more of them, including coming back from the bathroom and proceeding to tell me about the trip out she has just that minute come back from, holidays to places I know for a fact she has never visited, jobs she hasn't had, all kinds of things.

Dreams/delusions/ memories from TV shows/books; wherever they come from, they are remarkably detailed usually!

Gem x

 

[Witzend]

False memories yes! Mum is getting more and more of them, including coming back from the bathroom and proceeding to tell me about the trip out she has just that minute come back from, holidays to places I know for a fact she has never visited, jobs she hasn't had, all kinds of things.

Dreams/delusions/ memories from TV shows/books; wherever they come from, they are remarkably detailed usually!

Gem x

The 'holidays' rang a bell! Quite early on in her Alz., every time any country was mentioned on TV, even places like Kazakhstan, my mother had been there. I soon stopped saying, 'Er, I don't think so...' Instead I'd say, 'Oh, yes, was it nice?'

The answer was invariably, 'I can't remember.'

 

[Robstick]

Getting dates and people transposed seems to be part of the illness.

When Mum had her memory test she 'guessed' the date was 1960, even though I was sitting next to her, which would have made me 1.

She too doesn't remember people passing and asks questions of them occasionally. I would say that eventually short term memory loss morphs into mid term, but it is never that clear cut.

It is worth remembering that dementia doesn't pertain to logic, if it did we would know what to expect and I guess I am not the only one who experiences different things every day with my mother.

 

[Delphie]

Oh yes, my mum is also full of travel stories about places she's never been to. If questioned she'd always say that she went 50 years ago with her husband. And any new place we visited together she'd almost always say that she remembered it well and that we'd been there before. I think that bit was like a coping mechanism, 'proof' that she was fine.

 

[oneloopylady]

The 'holidays' rang a bell! Quite early on in her Alz., every time any country was mentioned on TV, even places like Kazakhstan, my mother had been there. I soon stopped saying, 'Er, I don't think so...' Instead I'd say, 'Oh, yes, was it nice?'

The answer was invariably, 'I can't remember.'

This reminded me of when my dad was in hospital, and had been hallucinating and having strange dreams/ideas/thoughts etc for weeks (due to a UTI). One day he started telling the nurse about living in Swaziland in the 60's and he told her all about this tropical disease that his daughter had developed from swimming in the African rivers called bilharzia and told the nurse that was why I was in a wheelchair now. He then went on to list the 8 other countries we had lived in. When I arrived to visit, in the middle of this story, I just stood to one side till he finished and afterwards, I asked the nurse how he had been and she said he was having 'another of those confusing days'......and she patted my hand sympathetically and said, but he's fine, he's happy in his own little world'......

I didn't have the heart to tell her that we did indeed live in Swaziland and I did contract bilharzia (which can lie dormant in the system for years and then attacks) and it is indeed the reason I am now in a wheelchair! lol (And he got the list of countries right too)!

Sometimes, his memory is better than mine! Poor man- even on a 'good dementia day' the nurse thought he was delusional!

Trisha

 

[stanleypj]

This reminded me of when my dad was in hospital, and had been hallucinating and having strange dreams/ideas/thoughts etc for weeks (due to a UTI). One day he started telling the nurse about living in Swaziland in the 60's and he told her all about this tropical disease that his daughter had developed from swimming in the African rivers called bilharzia and told the nurse that was why I was in a wheelchair now. He then went on to list the 8 other countries we had lived in. When I arrived to visit, in the middle of this story, I just stood to one side till he finished and afterwards, I asked the nurse how he had been and she said he was having 'another of those confusing days'......and she patted my hand sympathetically and said, but he's fine, he's happy in his own little world'......

I didn't have the heart to tell her that we did indeed live in Swaziland and I did contract bilharzia (which can lie dormant in the system for years and then attacks) and it is indeed the reason I am now in a wheelchair! lol (And he got the list of countries right too)!

Sometimes, his memory is better than mine! Poor man- even on a 'good dementia day' the nurse thought he was delusional!

Trisha

Yes, very sad. I wonder how often this kind of thing happens?

 

[Witzend]

Sometimes, his memory is better than mine! Poor man- even on a 'good dementia day' the nurse thought he was delusional!

Trisha

I hope you told her it was all true!

 

[at wits end]

Haha that reminds me of gran's first appointment at the memory clinic. It was held in our local mental health hospital which obviously is well known locally, and there was a NHS social club behind it. She told the doctor that she used to go to dances there and one night some of the inpatients 'escaped' and came dancing in their pyjamas.

He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes for this poor delusional woman, but it was all true! When I was a little girl her and grandad used to take our whole family to the dances beind the mental hospital as my grandad was a nurse. The doctor was taken aback when I said 'no honest!'.

 

[Carara]

Yes its very normal

My Mil`s mother passed away 50 yrs ago,her sisters also along time ago

She visits them every day without fail

She`s 91,her brother died during the war at age 24,right at this moment she`s having a conversation with him

However her husband who passed away only 6 weeks ago,she never mentions him,ever

Mil thinks she has to get her 2 sons tea ready,they`re both married with families

I hate this illness with a passion