Endless agression antagonism, any medication ?

[mrdoodah]

When my phone rings, my first reaction is my stomach churning and my nerves are set on edge. Its mums number and I take a deep breath and await the onslaught, I see her every day which gives her ample opportunity to accuse me of everything under the sun, her rage is highly visible and lord knows how sad this poor woman must feel to behave like this towards me, i really feel her pain plus I shudder at her words of utter hatred towards me. She waits for me to arrive in the morning and from the moment I step in the door she just follows me round the house like the devil possessed.
She cant wait for me to leave and hates me being there, loathing every piece of housework, food and med prep I do for her.
Is there no medication that can help with anger/depression apart from her usual dementia galatamine meds. Whats slightly worrying is that I realise she doesnt mean it but after hearing it every day for months on end it is begining to affect my self esteem and im losing self respect, this is having an effect on my social well being. Im her only child, still reeling from a recent divorce, thankfully with good friends, but do miss familly support and hugs.
Im going to the walk in clinic tommorrow after my daily baptism of fire i'll keep you posted. So gratefull for the forum, thanks to all.

 

[Sue J]

The only thing that helped me when I was like that was anti-biotics, can you get her checked for a urine infection.

Sorry you're struggling, please ask for help and support for you and her and don't take no for an answer.

Best wishes
Sue

 

[end of my rope]

I am so sorry

Hi

This sounds dreadful to me - you have my total sympathy.
First thing is (and forgive me if this has been ruled out) has your mother got a urinary tract infection? They can go on for ages and have no symptoms apart from the aggression and antagonism, with a bad case of paranoia. Unfortunately for some folk even when the infection has ended the paranoid delusions can remain as the person's new reality - I'm dealing with the aftermath of it at the present - it isn't pretty.

Like you I dread the phone calls - and yet submit to them every day.

With regard to medications I know that my mother is now being administered quitiapedine (? I can't spell drugs) but at the start had to have haloperodol to prevent her acting out her aggression on other patients and staff (she'd been hospitalised following a fall). It took a few weeks for the quitiapedine to start working however the paranoia, mistrust and nastiness continues to bubble under the surface and can erupt at any time, generally in my direction being as how in her eyes I am the work of satan...

Please take care of yourself. I know you will take her behaviour to heart and we both know that you shouldn't but being a human being you can't help it.

Biggest hugs

eomr

 

[FifiMo]

Seriously, best way to get her help is the next time she is ranting at you, you call 999 and ask for an ambulance and say she is out of control. Let them hear her when you're on the phone. By doing this, she can leapfrog over the system and get the attention she needs.

I wouldn't think twice about doing it..you'd be doing her a favour.

Fiona

 

[EllieS]

Antipsychotic drugs are not the answer, they can be a serious problem so please be aware of this. I'm not even sure if they're supposed to be prescribed for dementia patients any more.
There is a lot to be said for what Fifimo says, it would alert the authorities to the simple fact that your Mum has care needs, due to her health issue.
Such action could though result in her being sectioned which would mean she should be properly assessed but if this was the case, do be close and monitor things.
The byproduct of a full mental health section (cannot remember the proper reference) could be entitlement to continuing health card which would thereafter be continuous, be it at home or in a care home.

 

[mrdoodah]

My blessings to you all, anti physocitics maybe not the answer, had to ask., just needed it from the horses mouth. She had a urine test a month ago and was all clear. she is seen by the mental health team and I am speaking to them tomorrow, which brings me to another point. Her hallucinations increase in depth and length weekly, no point in fine details here, hence visits by mental health. Is this a whole other area of care and medication ? different doctors etc, Think I need to understand more about sectioning and what it entails on a global view. The 999 option is a possibility but knowing her she'll switch to 'normal' mode, just like she does at the doctors ! On a lighter note I have this image of her standing behind the door after I have left, rubbing her hands in glee thinking 'had the house work done, shopping/cooking.... hasnt cost me a penny, who needs carers ! ) yorkshire lass to the core.

 

[FifiMo]

Hallucinations can be dealt with by the mental health team and there are various medications they can use to control them. Sounds a bit like my mother, her physical health improved after we got her a home help. That was when we learned that her 2 pals had home helps..enough said! LOL

Fiona

 

[1954]

999

I think the idea of calling 999 is a good idea and say your safety is at risk and they will be hearing her in the back ground. They will probably bring the police too

I know what you mean about the change in personality my MIL is all sweetness and light with GP's etc.

Say anything to the emergency services i.e. mum has tried to hit me because you NEED HELP (and she will not remember what you have said anyway!). Sounds dramatic and as a NHS worker I don't like the miss use of 999 but you absolutely need help

 

[mrdoodah]

Update, saw her GP this morning, he's referring her to Psyco Geriatric team at local hospital, I think thats a good way forward. Also have meeting with highly reccomended care agency on Friday to relieve me at weekends, then I can get some work done, starting weekend after next. This is very good timing as this morning she has virtually washed her hands of me, she actually told me my father hated me and that on his death bed he felt sorry that she was to be left alone to look after me. But yet I managed to shrug that off with no 'after issues' just knowing things were moving forward was a great healer. She sat at the kitchen table , tightly gripped empty handbag clutched close to her chest, pouring out her venom, reminded me of Les Dawson so much I had to have a little chuckle. So onward, a good day I think.

 

[Boldredrosie]

Good luck with the psychogeriatrics. Tell them exactly how unkind she is verbally to you, that she's able to modify her behaviour when she's with someone else, and while it's all very well outsiders saying "don't take it personally" having someone tell you your dad hated you is hard to bear.

 

[mrdoodah]

Thanks for that Rosie, Im OK with comments about my dad, so dont worry for me. Today I started recording her rantings as I think they'll be very usefull with the physco geriatrics, and her GP for that matter. I played them to my daughter tonight and we both had a good giggle, whats so sad tho is how her physical well being must be affected by these amazingly negative thoughts about the world and its people. We all know how it feels to be angry especially when it seems everyone is lying to you, i do feel for her, her poor soul must be screaming for some respite from her delusions which are becoming increasingly vivid.

 

[1954]

Recording her rants is a fantastic idea as you can play it to the professional you are going to see. When I told the memory clinic that MIL screams and screams the house down he completely believed me even though MIL said 'no I didn't'

Of course all that was said in the consultation was forgotten by the time we walked out of the door!

 

[sistermillicent]

Anti psychotics were totally the answer for my mum, we put up with all that you are putting up with until she became very violent, and it was a choice between sectioning and having her put away or antipsychotics, which would have been given anyway had she been sectioned. They calmed her right down and gave her some peace from her torment. they enabled dad to continue looking after her at home. That was nearly three years ago.

 

[dots]

Hello, with my husband it was the drugs he was given for his dementia that caused him to be violent ending with him being sectioned on 2 occasions he improved hugely when they were eventually stopped.