Learning to cope with a husband who has Alzheimer's
- Thread starter Jel
- Start date
Hi Jel
Welcome to TP. Sorry noone's replied yet but you're doing ok you have come to a good palce for advice and support and I am sure you will get some responses soon. I have some symptoms myself and know it can be very difficult.
People will respond rest assured.
best wishes
Sue
Welcome to TP. Sorry noone's replied yet but you're doing ok you have come to a good palce for advice and support and I am sure you will get some responses soon. I have some symptoms myself and know it can be very difficult.
People will respond rest assured.
best wishes
Sue
Hello Jel and welcome to Talking Point. I think you will find others have replied on your other post.
I am sorry to hear about your husband and realise what a shock it is to have the diagnosis even though you may have suspected it for some time.
I am sure you will get the hang of the Forum and find how helpful and supportive it is.
This factsheet may be helpful and it gives links to other information too.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=115
If you have done already done so I do suggest you telephone the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society as they may have a Dementia Support Worker who can help you with local information. To can find your branch here
I hope to see you around but please let us know if you are having difficulties finding your way about the Forum.
Best wishes
I am sorry to hear about your husband and realise what a shock it is to have the diagnosis even though you may have suspected it for some time.
I am sure you will get the hang of the Forum and find how helpful and supportive it is.
This factsheet may be helpful and it gives links to other information too.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=115
If you have done already done so I do suggest you telephone the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society as they may have a Dementia Support Worker who can help you with local information. To can find your branch here
I hope to see you around but please let us know if you are having difficulties finding your way about the Forum.
Best wishes
Hi Jel. I'm sorry I am so late in coming to your thread. We have just come back from holiday.
I'm sad to hear about your husband's diagnosis. My own husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 12 years ago. I can still remember the shock even though we knew there was something wrong.
Please keep posting here. You will find lots of people to help. I'm happy to answer any questions based on or experiences. I think that you need to take one day at a time. Take care. xx
I'm sad to hear about your husband's diagnosis. My own husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 12 years ago. I can still remember the shock even though we knew there was something wrong.
Please keep posting here. You will find lots of people to help. I'm happy to answer any questions based on or experiences. I think that you need to take one day at a time. Take care. xx
Hi Jel,
Welcome to TP. One of the best things you can do is to read any threads on TP that might seem relevant. You will quickly build up your knowledge of how the disease has affected people and how their carers have learned to cope.
It is absolutely true that everyone's different and it's important to remember that - not everyone does. Because something has worked/not worked for one person it doesn't mean you can draw any conclusions about how it might work for your husband.
I see that you have been told that your husband's AD is mild. This may well mean that you will both be able to live reasonably normal lives for a long time. It's important to make the most of this and not spend time worrying about a future that cannot, in any case, be accurately predicted. People grow into the role of carer and you have made a great decision in joining TP which will help you enormously. As to the future, any of us could die at any time. Try to live in the present and treasure all the good times that you will still have.
We all started out like you. People grow into the role of carer and you have made a great decision in joining TP which will help you enormously.
Take care
Welcome to TP. One of the best things you can do is to read any threads on TP that might seem relevant. You will quickly build up your knowledge of how the disease has affected people and how their carers have learned to cope.
It is absolutely true that everyone's different and it's important to remember that - not everyone does. Because something has worked/not worked for one person it doesn't mean you can draw any conclusions about how it might work for your husband.
I see that you have been told that your husband's AD is mild. This may well mean that you will both be able to live reasonably normal lives for a long time. It's important to make the most of this and not spend time worrying about a future that cannot, in any case, be accurately predicted. People grow into the role of carer and you have made a great decision in joining TP which will help you enormously. As to the future, any of us could die at any time. Try to live in the present and treasure all the good times that you will still have.
We all started out like you. People grow into the role of carer and you have made a great decision in joining TP which will help you enormously.
Take care
So sorry was just thinking how dreadful this must be for you. You ask about the future, but this cannot be predicted so I think it must be best to think of just one day at a time i.e. tomorrow is the future.
You will learn to understand by experience and will get better at dealing with it. Try to take as much help as you can before you actually feel you need it, be it day centre, befriender - contact social services find out what is available and please don't reach the end of your tether before asking - all this will help you to be the best you can be which will in turn help you both.
One big message for me to learn here was that you have the power to refuse to care and may need to use this 'weapon' to demand help before resentment and desperation set in.
I wish I had known all this before and hope you will be able to benefit.
Others here are much more expert as to your entitlements.
Keep your chin up x
You will learn to understand by experience and will get better at dealing with it. Try to take as much help as you can before you actually feel you need it, be it day centre, befriender - contact social services find out what is available and please don't reach the end of your tether before asking - all this will help you to be the best you can be which will in turn help you both.
One big message for me to learn here was that you have the power to refuse to care and may need to use this 'weapon' to demand help before resentment and desperation set in.
I wish I had known all this before and hope you will be able to benefit.
Others here are much more expert as to your entitlements.
Keep your chin up x
Hi Jel welcome to TP.
I too was in shock when I found out what was wrong with my husband. Its been a year now and the best advice I can give you is to reach out. There will be groups in your area and they understand what you are going through better than friends and family.
My husband was quite moody at first because he was coming to terms with the diagnoses too. He attends a small group and being able to talk openly about coping with the Dementia has really helped.
Keep posting, take care x
I too was in shock when I found out what was wrong with my husband. Its been a year now and the best advice I can give you is to reach out. There will be groups in your area and they understand what you are going through better than friends and family.
My husband was quite moody at first because he was coming to terms with the diagnoses too. He attends a small group and being able to talk openly about coping with the Dementia has really helped.
Keep posting, take care x
Hi Jel
Sorry I haven't replied before, have been a bit of an ostrich lately!!
I too understand how you feel. My husband was diagnosed at 58 with Vas Dem, 6 years ago now, but he was OK for some time; forgetful, but with support, we did lots of things. My advice is enjoy the good times while you can! Don't wait until tomorrow.
I too struggled when the diagnosis was made, but over time, have had to accept where we are, but I know that isn't easy. I have learned that stressing about the future changes nothing, so I try to live for today.
Like you, I have no family on hand and had a few very good friends. My husband refused to go to a day centre or any AS meetings. He was in denial. If you can get to any meetings, it is good to meet people who are in the same situations you. I have made some strong friendship through AD.
I now need those friendships, as my husband is quite a poorly person now, but he is happy and well cared for, so I have to accept where we are.
This forum has been an amazing support for me; the times when I felt this was only happening to me, I found out I wasn't alone and that many others had been there before me, and some were still there! It is also somewhere you can be honest, because no one judges.
Keep posting and together we will be strong.
Jan x
Sorry I haven't replied before, have been a bit of an ostrich lately!!
I too understand how you feel. My husband was diagnosed at 58 with Vas Dem, 6 years ago now, but he was OK for some time; forgetful, but with support, we did lots of things. My advice is enjoy the good times while you can! Don't wait until tomorrow.
I too struggled when the diagnosis was made, but over time, have had to accept where we are, but I know that isn't easy. I have learned that stressing about the future changes nothing, so I try to live for today.
Like you, I have no family on hand and had a few very good friends. My husband refused to go to a day centre or any AS meetings. He was in denial. If you can get to any meetings, it is good to meet people who are in the same situations you. I have made some strong friendship through AD.
I now need those friendships, as my husband is quite a poorly person now, but he is happy and well cared for, so I have to accept where we are.
This forum has been an amazing support for me; the times when I felt this was only happening to me, I found out I wasn't alone and that many others had been there before me, and some were still there! It is also somewhere you can be honest, because no one judges.
Keep posting and together we will be strong.
Jan x
Hi Jel. My husband is waiting for his first MRI and memory test appointment. The GP who referred him seems to think it could be very early stage dementia/MCI (if so, haven't yet had to cross the bridge about what type etc). It's that not knowing and feeling bewildered which is so bad. Like you, I have never posted on any forum before but there are so many kind people on TP to help and I'm sure you'll get lots of support here. Very best wishes.
Diagnosis
Hi SoyHJ
Thanks for your message. It is good to know that other people are experiencing the same situations as yourself. My husband was first diagnosed with mild cognitive disorder which affected his memory then it became more than forgetfulness and he was diagnosed in February with mild Alzheimer's. It is in the early stages and he can still do many things for himself and little jobs around the house, but some days he is very confused and gets very angry. I am trying to keep the peace but sometimes it is very difficult to keep calm. Having a diagnosis does help and if you need someone to talk to get in touch. Perhaps we can find our way round the forum together.
Regards
Jel
Hi SoyHJ
Thanks for your message. It is good to know that other people are experiencing the same situations as yourself. My husband was first diagnosed with mild cognitive disorder which affected his memory then it became more than forgetfulness and he was diagnosed in February with mild Alzheimer's. It is in the early stages and he can still do many things for himself and little jobs around the house, but some days he is very confused and gets very angry. I am trying to keep the peace but sometimes it is very difficult to keep calm. Having a diagnosis does help and if you need someone to talk to get in touch. Perhaps we can find our way round the forum together.
Regards
Jel
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hi
Hello Jel and soyh I am new to the forum as well. My husband got diagnosed with 3 or more different types of dementia after spending nearly 5 weeks in hospital.. please read my posts it will explain how quickly it all happened. I am only coming to terms with it now as our previous happy life just ceased to exist. It does help reading how everyone else feels or copes with it. sometimes I just want to scream or pretend it is not happening but in the end I just carry on and make him as comfortable as possible with the aim of keeping him at home with me. Take care and remember you arent alone xx
Hello Jel and soyh I am new to the forum as well. My husband got diagnosed with 3 or more different types of dementia after spending nearly 5 weeks in hospital.. please read my posts it will explain how quickly it all happened. I am only coming to terms with it now as our previous happy life just ceased to exist. It does help reading how everyone else feels or copes with it. sometimes I just want to scream or pretend it is not happening but in the end I just carry on and make him as comfortable as possible with the aim of keeping him at home with me. Take care and remember you arent alone xx
