OH in hospital and I was asked about DNR!!!

[Jenijill]

I've had a dreadful couple of weeks since John has been in respite. The first day in CH he developed another UTI, and wasn't eating much. He looked worse every time I visited. The nursing staff were very good and did all they could and by Sunday his infection had cleared but his swallowing seems to be worse. He was constantly having to be reminded that he was coming home on Saturday as the work to the shower/wet room would be finished. On Monday apparently he asked to sit in the coffee lounge with some other residents (a first!) and was more alert. Then at 8.00pm I had a call from the CH to say he'd fallen from his chair (he was trying to stand, which he can't do unaided) hit his head and an ambulance was on its way. I followed ambulance to hospital and stayed until very late. The head injury wasn't serious but they wanted to keep him overnight for observation.

I went in yesterday and was told he'd be admitted to a ward and was likely to stay longer, he was on a drip to re-hydrate him and wired to ECG machine. The consultant then came and took me out of the room and said that he has acute kidney failure, with only 1% function of the kidneys, his heart is pumping too hard and his pulse is very irregular, and then the bombshell - if his heart stopped do you want us to resusitate!!!

I'm stunned and shocked that he's that bad, although the doctor said that it's unlikely to happen, but he had to know just in case

Don't know what to think or do now, just hoping and praying he'll pull through!

 

[meme]

I hope john pulls through too...all moving too fast and yes, shocking for you...it is good in a way the hospital are asking you this question as they will then follow yours and Johns wishes should the need arise, hopefully a long way away.

 

[Butter]

I am so sorry for all the bad times you are having. It must have been very shocking.

I have already told my family my DNR wishes. Sometimes, it may be easier to think about if we do it as a matter of course. Just as we make wills.

I do hope your husband is more comfortable today.

 

[KatieB]

Hello JeniJill, I'm sorry to hear about John, it's such a sad tme for you.
It's not my OH that is ill it's my parents and my mother is going downhill fast as well. Yesterday we signed the DNR papers. She had another TIA on Monday night and she is now very frail. It was an emotional conversation to have with the doctor but I feel so much more in control now and know that if and when the time comes, my mum will have a pecful release from this dreadful illness. I hope you have the support you need to make the DNR decision for you and your family. It isn't easy and you must be feeling dazed. Stay strong.
Katie

 

[sunray]

hope it all improves

Wow, that was sudden, you would be worried about the sudden onset of the kidney failure, or the stepping up of the condition, whichever it is. Something similar happened to Ray on one of his respites, UTI, fall, hospitalization and a worryingly raised level of chronic kidney disease. Once the UTI was over his kidneys did start to perform better though.

I was asked a few times if Ray had a DNR which he did, it seems legally they have to ask with each hospital admission here and restate it on the paperwork and forms etc. Hope the situation resolves and you have a good outcome.

Sue.

 

[Jenijill]

Wow, that was sudden, you would be worried about the sudden onset of the kidney failure, or the stepping up of the condition, whichever it is. Something similar happened to Ray on one of his respites, UTI, fall, hospitalization and a worryingly raised level of chronic kidney disease. Once the UTI was over his kidneys did start to perform better though.

I was asked a few times if Ray had a DNR which he did, it seems legally they have to ask with each hospital admission here and restate it on the paperwork and forms etc. Hope the situation resolves and you have a good outcome.

Sue.

Thanks Sue, that reassuring that Ray recovered from a similar problem.
I've had 2 calls from the hospital this morning (makes me jump every time ) One from the speech therapist saying she was going to visit him, and the second from a nurse on the ward asking when he last had his catheter changed!
Will be going to visit in a couple of hours so hopefully will find out more.
Thanks every one for your support!
Jenny

 

[jan1962]

Hi there,

just read your post and am so sorry to hear that your OH is not feeling to good at the moment.

we were asked about DNR when my MIL was admitted into the NH, myself and OH had discussed this but had not broached the subject with my FIL. it is not a subject you want to bring up. eventually i approached him about this and the first thing he said to me was he only wanted her to get better, that pulled at my heart strings, then we sat and talked about what quality of life she had now and what could happen if they needed to resus her and he came to his own conclusion and the paper work was drawn up and signed. thankfully it was never needed as she passed away after only 3 months in the NH. it is a hard topic but to me it was the best thing i had done in explaining to my FIL what the pros and cons were. sit with your family and have this chat and ask them for their opinions.

will keep everything crossed and pray that your OH makes a good recovery from is illness that has him i hospital.


jan1962

 

[Jenijill]

Update on John

He's now on the 'heart' ward, but not very responsive, just sleeping all the time. He hasn't eaten anything and he's had Paracetamol intravenously. Also digoxin for his heart. I fear for the worse! Will try and speak to the doctor tomorrow, but that's so difficult as they are never there when I am! Oh dear, Oh dear, I must be strong, but ....!

I collected his things from the care home today but haven't had the energy to unpack them. This all seems like a nightmare, so unreal.

 

[Butter]

Thank you for the update. It sounds as if your husband is in the right place. I am glad he is sleeping - sleep can be the best thing in the world. I hope he has a peaceful night, and I hope you do too.

 

[Emsy]

My heart goes out to you jennijill what an awful situation for you both.
Thinking of you and hoping a new day brings fresh hope for you.
Hugs xx

 

[Francine]

Hello there,

I'm so sorry you are going through this awful time I do know what it it's like having just been through a similar situation.

I found that it wasn't always possible to catch the dr when I visited to have a word. I found the best way to be sure of getting a word with them is to get hold of the doctor's secretary's number and ring up and get them to fix a time for you to have a word with them - or if they don't have a secretary ring the ward in advance of your visit and tell them you would like a word as it is important.

Do hope things improve for you

 

[Kate66]

Jenijill, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Is there anyway that you could ask the nurses specifically what time the doctors "round" and tell her that you need to meet with them so that they can set it up for you?

Fingers crossed for you both.

 

[Loopiloo]

I am so sorry to read about your husband, such a shock for you that this situation has developed so quickly. So hard for you....

It can be very difficult to speak to a doctor, as you say they are never there when you are. I second Fancine's advice to phone his secretary, they are usually understanding and will arrange something for you.

Hopefully your husband will pull through, sleep can be healing, and it is encouraging that Sue's husband's kidneys later improved.

Bestest good wishes

Loo xx

 

[Pheath]

Dear Jenijill
Just to say I’m dreadfully sorry to read what's happened, you must be in a state of disbelief at the rapidity of your OH’s decline and hospitalisation. As you say, it’s like a nightmare unfolding. Although my medical knowledge isn’t great, I know with acute kidney failure they can often turn it around quickly and people definitely do bounce back. Really hope you get a chance to see the doc very soon, I know they often do their daily rounds quickly and not always during visiting hours but it’s imperative you find out what’s going on. Can’t understand how from falling off his chair things escalated in such a way if the UTI had cleared unless he had another underlying condition or perhaps some residual infection left. Wishing you much strength during this frantically worrying time and hope there’s some positive news tomorrow. Take good care, Px