It is coming up to the anniversary of losing Mum - 2yrs -I thought it would get easier with time but finding it even harder this year. If I give myself a minute to think I can't stop re living those last few weeks when I still feel I let her down. Does the guilt ever leave us? Will be visiting Dad the weekend before the actual date which will be so so hard but due to school hol dates have no choice. Still have nowhere to remember her so I know I bottle things up. I feel hubby and brothers all can't imagine why I should still be struggling. Sorry to ramble - just a wobbly day
2 years.......
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I am sorry you are finding things hard. As a Mother I would not want our daughters to hold guilt in their heart after I have gone. I am sure you have done and did everything humanely possible and dementia is not something any of us can defeat.
You say you have nowhere to remember your Mother - can you buy a special plant/tree/bush and dedicate that to her. It may help you to focus on something. If you look at my Thread in this section you will see a friend sent me some rose seeds - two of them have been successful and I know I can look at these and just remember.
I hope it helps to share here.
Best wishes
You say you have nowhere to remember your Mother - can you buy a special plant/tree/bush and dedicate that to her. It may help you to focus on something. If you look at my Thread in this section you will see a friend sent me some rose seeds - two of them have been successful and I know I can look at these and just remember.
I hope it helps to share here.
Best wishes
If you have nowhere to remember your mum would it help you to focus on finding somewhere or is this something you have already tried? Is it something you feel you can find for yourself or do you think people here could help you find a place? I am thinking of the cushions you made with your mum's wool, I know that's not a big fantastic wonderful place but you could hug them, and i remember how pleased you were to have made them. I am sorry I am not much use with suggestions, but can say I often think of you - and you don't ramble.
with love P xx
with love P xx
hello Together, so sorry you are feeling down today. I too lost my beloved mum 2 and a half years ago (she had heart failure, no dementia). I also thought that as time goes on it would be easier to accept, but like you, I find things are just as hard if not harder.
The only thing that I feel glad about is that Mum isn't here to see Dad's decline with Vascular Dementia. It would have broken her heart. My Dad looked after my Mum for many years through her ill health.
Don't be too hard on yourself, we all grieve differently, so if those around you don't understand, that's their problem, not yours. Try to focus on the good times and the laughs rather than the tears. I talk about Mum everyday at some point, and I have inherited so many of her 'sayings' I feel as if she is always with me.
Sending hugs
M x
The only thing that I feel glad about is that Mum isn't here to see Dad's decline with Vascular Dementia. It would have broken her heart. My Dad looked after my Mum for many years through her ill health.
Don't be too hard on yourself, we all grieve differently, so if those around you don't understand, that's their problem, not yours. Try to focus on the good times and the laughs rather than the tears. I talk about Mum everyday at some point, and I have inherited so many of her 'sayings' I feel as if she is always with me.
Sending hugs
M x
Hello together
I`m sorry you`re struggling.
Could you plant a rose bush in your garden for your mother. Perhaps you could get one with her name or with a name you can associate with her.
I`m sorry you`re struggling.
Could you plant a rose bush in your garden for your mother. Perhaps you could get one with her name or with a name you can associate with her.
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Hi together
So sorry you are struggling today. we lost our Mum 14 years ago in January and not a day goes by that we don't miss her. She is mentioned every day even by her Great Grandchildren who have never met her.
Others have given you some really good ways for you to focus on. You know your Mum best so try and think of something that gives you a lovely warm glow when you look at it, touch it or smell it. Whatever works for you.
Hope you find something
Luv
Polly
xx
So sorry you are struggling today. we lost our Mum 14 years ago in January and not a day goes by that we don't miss her. She is mentioned every day even by her Great Grandchildren who have never met her.
Others have given you some really good ways for you to focus on. You know your Mum best so try and think of something that gives you a lovely warm glow when you look at it, touch it or smell it. Whatever works for you.
Hope you find something
Luv
Polly
xx
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Have been kept busy at work but since home can't settle. Will try and put thoughts into words - see if it helps.
BeckyJan, thank you, I keep going over and over your words as a mother - it has me in tears but you've hit a point I've never thought of (maybe as i only have brothers and sons) but so true as mothers WE would never want our children to hold onto guilt, Mum wouldn't have wanted that ever either.
You've all made me think,it all makes me realise the problem of showing emotion.I know I need a private area to remember and yes to grieve, the males I'm surrounded by make me feel ridiculous (rightly or wrongly) .
Pippa, thank you, you've helped me find a happier memory - she would have been proud of some of my mini achievemnets since losing her.
Sisteract, I wish my family mentioned her, I feel very alone but am searching for an answer, you're all helping.
The weekend she died was the weekend snowdrops came out - a friend gave me some and there was a tiny clump last year, maybe (I know it's too late for this year) I could plant a larger expanse of them, a mix of varieties.
Just typing this has helped me let go of some tears so thank you all for listening and caring. xxx
BeckyJan, thank you, I keep going over and over your words as a mother - it has me in tears but you've hit a point I've never thought of (maybe as i only have brothers and sons) but so true as mothers WE would never want our children to hold onto guilt, Mum wouldn't have wanted that ever either.
You've all made me think,it all makes me realise the problem of showing emotion.I know I need a private area to remember and yes to grieve, the males I'm surrounded by make me feel ridiculous (rightly or wrongly) .
Pippa, thank you, you've helped me find a happier memory - she would have been proud of some of my mini achievemnets since losing her.
Sisteract, I wish my family mentioned her, I feel very alone but am searching for an answer, you're all helping.
The weekend she died was the weekend snowdrops came out - a friend gave me some and there was a tiny clump last year, maybe (I know it's too late for this year) I could plant a larger expanse of them, a mix of varieties.
Just typing this has helped me let go of some tears so thank you all for listening and caring. xxx
