My Mum has Alzheimers

[suziemb]

Hi

I'm new to this but feel I need help. My mum was diagnoised with alzheimers 2 years ago. I reckon she has had it 7 years now. We were heart broken she was only 65 and my Dad was her main career she was breaking his heart. But last August suddenly my Dad suffered a massive stroke and passed away. My Aunt moved in to look after my mum but she is older and really not able. I have four young boys from 2 to 10 and My mum doesnt like being in my house or around them. She is bad enough to think she is in a new house forgets what happened in the morning. But then good enough to know if we were to move her. She got a place in a day centre and we went to meet them she came out saying dont put me in there. This broke my heart. Of course I couldnt then I really dont know what to do. It is really affecting my life but also my husbands and my childrens. She was the most adoring mum I love her so much we done everything together but now I just cant handle the person she is. I'm still heartbroken about my Dad who was only 66 I feel I lost both of them last August but still have to mind her. I feel there is no end to this torture. I cant plan anything as every day I have to make sure she is sorted. Its really getting me down. I might sound selfish but I cant go on like this and the children are definitely suffering.

 

[chris53]

Hello Suzie, a very warm welcome to you to TP (Talking Point) I am so sorry to hear about your mum and the struggie you are going through, especially when you are still grieving for your dad, please have a consultation with your mums doctor and explain these problems and they will be able to do a referral to social services to try to get you some help as you do and must have help, please stress that this is an urgent request especially as you have a family and it is affecting them also. Please let us know how you get on.

best wishes x

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hello Suzie and welcome to TP from me, too. I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your dad and your mum's illness. My mam also has Alzheimer's - she was diagnosed 4 years ago but my dad only told me 2 years ago, he had kept it secret until then.

Like you, I struggle to handle the person that my mam has become, and it is absolutely heartbreaking to watch. I often ask for help on here and the responses I get have really helped me to come to terms with things and the practical tips and advice that I've received have also helped enormously.

I have a 13 year old daughter, who, up until recently, was amazingly understanding for her age about her nana and all the problems that she has. However, as my mam is getting worse and now seems unable to control her nastiness and aggression towards my dad (and me, sometimes) in front of others, I realised yesterday that the time may well be approaching when I have to put my daughter's needs before my mam's needs, and ask dad not to bring her round while my daughter is at home. My daughter is starting to be affected by her nana's words/actions etc and my husband and I can't let this get any worse. We need to keep an eye on it and decide what's best for our daughter. She admitted to me yesterday that her nana's visit had got her down and that to me is a signal that things are getting too bad for her to have to witness it.

So I understand completely about you worrying about your children and the effect their grandmother is having on their lives.

Please try not to feel guilty about this. Your children are your priority now, and if your mum was in her normal frame of mind she would no doubt agree with that, as we all would, as mothers. I know my own mam would, no doubt in my mind.

I also think you should get social services involved, as it is now getting too much for you to bear on your own.

Good luck, and keep posting, let us know how you get on. Take care.

 

[Carolynlott]

Hi,
Just to say I am so sorry for the situation you are in and can't imagine how you are coping with four young boys as well. I know what you mean about feeling you have lost both parents - I felt the same when my parents were diagnosed years ago; my Mum passed away last month and I hardly shed any tears because they had all been shed before she died. When I was at a really low point a few years ago I went to my GP and broke down, and he told me I had to take a step back and leave it to the professionals (I was looking after my Mum's twin as well as my parents). That was really good advice because it made me realise it was all far too big for me to handle on my own. You really must get some outside help for your Mum.
Best wishes,
C

 

[Time Traveller]

Hi Suzie
Good advice from everyone. You need a break as soon as you can. It sounds like you havent had time to grieve for you Dad, and if you dont have some time for yourself, you will get ill too. I hope you can sort something out - maybe the kids could go to relatives for you to have even a day to yourself??
Lots of love. xxx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Suzie

What a lot you have on your plate. I`m so sorry about your mum and about losing your dad, I`m sure you are in turmoil.

Please contact Social Services as soon as possible and ask for a carers assessment for yourself and your aunt. If your mum is not happy about attending any day care, perhaps arrangements can be made for some help in the home.

 

[Izzy]

Hi Suzie and welcome from me too.

I agree that you need to get in touch with SW as soon as possible and ask for an assessment of needs. As Sylvia said there might be a possibility of getting some help at home if she won't co-operate with day centres etc.

I wish you much strength to deal with this difficult situation. x