Jill

[tilshead]

Just need to talk to someone at the moment I am feeling angry & I really don't like feeling like this because it is so stupid. My husband Brian has spent a nice day at the day centre. when I went to pick him up he was having a hand massage a really enjoying it & I felt & still feel so jealous of this. I can't understand why i'm feeling so screwed up about this In the entire 36 years of being wed I never had these feelings before. I just get no emotion or affection from Bri anymore & when I see him reacting like he was whilst having his massage I just felt so wild.

 

[Izzy]

Oh dear, Jill. I can understand how you must feel. I must admit I don't like handing Bill over to all of these other women at the day centre - especially when he tells them they're 'a lovely lass'. I think it's just natural to feel the way you do. You're right to come on to TP and try to get it out of your system. Take care. x

 

[BeckyJan]

I am so sorry this has affected you so much, but so understandable.

One of my husband's carers would give him a massage of arms, legs, shoulders etc. I think he quite enjoyed the hand bit but got aggressive with her when she started on his legs. She was really using it as a means of putting much needed aqueous cream on his skin.

It did not bother me too much but I did sit during my visits to the NH and hold his hands and gently 'massage' - there was no reaction but I think he enjoyed it.

Can I suggest you get some nice cream and do your own hand massage and see how he reacts? Try not to worry if there is no reaction but feel good knowing you are doing your utmost.

Best wishes

 

[tilshead]

Thankyou for your kind words. I just think I get angry because everyone else gets the best of Brian, all I seem to get these days is the hard work & sometimes it is just a thankless task. Anyway looking on the bright side at least I'm young enough to cope my poor mum was well in her 70's when Dad had alzheimers and bless her she used to get so physically exhausted. I just much appreciate being able to let off steam with yuo all and not be judged

 

[CollegeGirl]

My mam often flirts shamelessly with other men when out and about with dad, or if there are people at the house for any reason. Dad laughs it off but it must hurt, it would certainly hurt and anger me if my hubby flirted with another woman, whatever the circumstances. I think your reaction is normal and understandable, so try not to worry about it. x

 

[SisterAct]

Dad flirts with his carers and tells us how much work they do looking after him (for 25 hours a week).

My sister and I cover the remaining 143 hours and occasionally get some recognition for it.

Hard at it at first but used to it now x
Polly x

 

[seaurchin]

Oh Jill it is so hard.

My husband tells one of his carers that he loves her and it is hard for me. I have had to accept that it's better if he feels happy and comfortable than miserable. I have had to let my feelings of jealously go because I know it is really the illness that does it and it doesn't help me at all.

I hope you can find a way forward but it is so heartbreaking and hurts so very much.

Kindest wishes,

Helen