Result of meeting at assessment centre.

[jaymor]

After three weeks in an assessment centre we met with my husband's consultant, the doctor working at the centre, the manager of the centre and the occupational therapist who has worked with my husband. All four of the proffessionals were of the opinion my husband needed full time care within a nursing home. Each gave a full explanation for reaching their opinion, ranging from his lack of perception and the dangers involved to the care he needed because of his challenging behaviour and the medication he required. They will be trying over the next two weeks to reduce further his anxiety and his not sleeping even when medication is prescribed. The consultant and unit manager both said how well I had done to deal with his condition for 7 years and keep him at home. It was lovely to have their praise but does not make it any easier when realising he wont be coming home. We are really struggling tonight, there is so much to try and sort in two weeks and we an so easily get it wrong. I will speak with his social worker tomorrow before we set off to look at nursing homes. He may well have to go into temporary accomodation until there is a place in a nursing home of our choice. This has happened so suddenly, the decline has been so rapid. His agitation and aggression are being managed well by his new medication so he is certainly more at ease with himself but still continues to show some aggression from time to time with the staff. He has now settled very well at the centre and would be perfect if he could stay there but it is an assessment centre and there must be hundreds of dementia sufferers out there who need these beds and the care from the wonderful staff. I have nothing but praise and gratitude to each and every one of them. We have no idea of funding available though we certainly wont be self funding, unfortunately. We will most likely come out of this battered and bruised but my husband deserves the best we can do and we will be fighting his corner as we have as a family over the last few years.
Jay

 

[Christin]

Hello Jaymor. I hope you are ok and able to get some rest tonight. It is so sad realising that your husband will stay in care and I am sending you a hug.

I hope you are able to find somewhere that you can have faith in for him. Its not an easy time, just another step to take.

My very best wishes to you both. xx

 

[ggma]

Thank you for updating us, at last you have some answers, if not what any of us want to hear.

There are good places out there, it is just finding them, and hoping the one you like has a bed.

Look after yourself and take care

 

[jan1962]

Hi there,

just under gone the same assessment with my MIL, very stressful situation. hope your SW is as good as the one my MIL has. we had a list of homes in our area waiting for use when we got home, she had e.mailed them.

just like you my head was battered and the moment feeling rather sad, but the world continues to turn and i have to dust myself down and go forward and find a good NH for her.

jan1962

 

[jaymor]

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I have a list of local nursing homes from our SW and we are going today to look at as many as we can. I will paint the picture as black as it is on a bad day in the hope that if he is accepted they will be able to deal with whatever may be thrown at them. The last thing I want is for sometime along the winding path they do no decide that their home is not the right place for him and we have to move him. I know they will go along and assess him for themselves but as we all know, dementia sufferers can be so charming and articulate when talking to a professional. I know the assessment centre will obviously give them access to their notes and findings that have brought us to having to place my husband in a nursing home.

Good luck Jan in your search, hopefully we will get there and find the very best there is out there for our loved ones. My husband will be 69 this year and I fear that there may not be many home users around his age for him to 'buddy with.
Jay x

 

[winda]

Hi Jay,

Good luck with your search for a CH. I managed to find a good one for my husband and have been very pleased with the care he has had.

But I still feel sad that he has to be there and I don't think I will ever feel otherwise.

It's funny but the people who before he went into a CH said that they didn't think he was too bad, are now the ones who are saying that I need to get on with my life and shouldn't visit everyday.

It's a difficult time for you and I hope you will get lots of support from your family and friends. It does help.

Am thinking of you. Take care xx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Jaymor

I hope you manage to find a good home for your husband. It`s a dreadful situation to be in but I hope you will feel better about it if you are able to find somewhere.

 

[PODGEO]

Finding right nursing home

HI JAYMOR
Just a thought; I am sure your feeling for what is right will serve you best, but in case you have not come across it before.............." Dementia Care Mapping " is the course developed by the late Professor Tom Kitwood, ; it is a study in interaction between carers and clients in nursing homes; it is being increasingly accepted as a "gold standard" for quality of care.

The Methodist home where a friend of mine has her husband, sends all their care assistants/ nurses on this course locally................or at least they claim to !

My mother is in a nursing home in Australia; they accept this course as being invaluable in house training for staff; but have still to implement it; I have talked to them at length and they hope to start sending their staff on this course, which is now available in many countries, worldwide.
All the best
Podgeo

 

[Pheath]

Jay, have just sent you a Private Message (no rush to reply though)
Best wishes

 

[jaymor]

We have visited three EMI nursing care homes today and all three are so different. The first one defies discription. No carers visable, one lady struggling to stay upright and another falling to the ground and no carer is sight. The lady showing us round took the almost upright lady to a seat and continued our tour and the second one she just called for someone to pick her up. One carer came to get a confused, slightly imobile old lady up from the floor. She just pulled on one arm. We were shown the sitting room, full of approx. 20 people with a large tv on but no sound and not one carer in there with them. The rooms were small, no room for a chair and there was a very strong nasty smell. The second was quite nice but there was only one room available on the second floor with a fire door with the usual push bar on it. As my husband is a non sleeping walker then this was not acceptable. We have put his name down for a ground floor room should one become available. The third one was perfect. More staff on duty than there were patients and the rooms were very spacious and on-suite. The cost for this one? £2500 per week. So really got no where. Will be going out again to continue looking tomorrow hoping we will find a near perfect home that my husband can be happy in and we are happy for him to be there.
Jay

 

[ggma]

Can not believe that somewhere charges £2500 a week! Some pretty expensive homes in Cheshire but never heard of that rate.

Do hope you find somewhere you feel happy with, at least you found one where you could go on the waiting list, we did the same at two places and took the first one to come up.

Interesting comments about Dementia Mapping, I have seen it done well and by people who do not really understand what they are doing, in the later case would have been better not to be done at all.

Good luck with the visiting

 

[Bronwen]

Hello Jaymore...I am just returning to TP after a six month break following my husband's passing.

I wanted to say also that I have never heard of such an extortionate fee for a Nursing Home. Trevor's Home was newly built when he moved in and the rooms had en suite, tv, easy chair s and comfortable bed, but the fee was £750 per week (now £800 I think). Please look around and if your husband is settled where he is at present, don't feel obliged to rush it because you feel someone else may want his bed...its a lovely thought on your part, but it is a big decision and not so easy as the "officials" seem to think.

I know exactly how you are feeling and please keep posting for advice and support.

Bronwen

 

[jaymor]

Hello Bronwen,
The Nurse Manager at the centre said they would find temporary care if we had not sorted out a permanent nursing home by the discharge time. I am going to ring the centre tomorrow and ask for their list of suitable EMI nursing homes in and around our area. Hopefully in the next couple of days we will have a couple more for our short list.
Thank you all for your replies,
Jay x