helpless

[helpless]

My mum is 89 years old, lives on her own and wants to stay independent with us giving as much help as we can. Sometimes we have as many as 40 telephone calls anytime night or day. A month or so, before Christmas my mum lost / mislaid her bank cards, which in the end we cancelled at the bank. Since then these bank cards will not leave her thoughts, we have tries to explain every way possible to say she has no need to worry, that her bank account is safe, and if she needs any money we take it to her. But some how the message just does not fix in her mind, and continues to worry her about the lost cards. We have put memory boards by the telephone, we get money to her in the shortest of time to avoid her worries. We have tried explaining the situation but in the end she gets rude and aggressive. Has anyone got any ideas how we can get out of this constant circle of bank cards.
Thank you.

 

[lin1]

Hello Welcome to TP
Im sorry im not going to be of much help, my experience with my mum was that once she got a bee in her bonnet it stuck their for a long time no matter how much we reassured mum

I dont know if telling your mum that the banks dont do cards anymore will be of help
I do think that you will have to keep explaining till the stage passes

Im going to put a link here
tbh you need to be an absolute saint to follow it all the time esp when your having to explain for the 20th time
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

just had another thought If you had an old out of date bank card to give mum would she be able to try and use it, if mum is not able, and you had one it might help
or perhaps a card that looks similar, ignore this if its not suitable

my mum thought she didnt have any money and each meal or drink she said 'i dont have the money' this was much easier to deal with than the what your having to deal with

 

[Christin]

Hello, welcome to Talking Point.

I am sorry to read of your concerns for your mum. You haven't mentioned if your mum has a diagnosis of dementia or not, so I'm not quite sure. Have you spoken to her GP about your concerns?

There is an AS Factsheet re Unusual Behaviour which does mention multiple phone calls and may be of some interest to you.

With very best wishes, please let us know how you get on. x

 

[chucky]

Hi, Ive got a novelty credit card which looks like any other (it has chucky's face on it) and it has the visa sign and the chip on it. Obviously it cant be used and to us its quite obvious but maybe your mum can be fooled by it. You can get all sorts of designs and colours on it so you may be able to get one thats near to what her old cards looks like. Lin's idea of an expired card is great too, as long as she doesnt try it herself, maybe if you go with her to get money you can swap her out of date one at the ATM without her seeing and draw out what she needs then hand her back the old one.

 

[ellejay]

Lin's idea of an out of date card sounds good, or, what if you said you've ordered a new card & then blamed "the flipping rubbish post office" that it hasn't arrived yet. That sometimes works with mum & she''ll then moan about them instead.

I do sympathise about the phone calls, before mum went into the CH, she had 3 numbers programmed into her phone (mine inc.) & would sit all day (& much of the night) just pressing until either someone answered or she would leave messages .

Good luck

Lin x

 

[Glamour Puss]

This sounds typical, Mum is the same age and gets obsessed if I don't do everything the way she wants.

You just have to be devious and be one psychological jump ahead

 

[britcare4]

So sorry to hear of your problems. The phone calls problem we are very familiar with. We have been helping look after our neighbour for over a year. We were getting an average of 50 calls a day at one point. Our neighbour took the phone everywhere with her in the house and would dial the few numbers she knew non stop. Eventually, 10 days ago, her son blocked outgoing calls and almost immediately our neighbour accepted that her phone was 'broken'. I now phone her twice a day and call in to see her several times a week. She is also 89, and for the past 6 months has had a carer live in. So she is 'safe'. Two carers from Poland take it in turns to live there. Our neighbours greatest fear is being alone, so when the carers go for walks with the dog, or shopping etc, they write on a white board saying where they have gone and what time they will be back.
The problem with the bank card is typical, they worry about one thing or another to a point of despair. You could try as suggested above.
How advanced is the alzheimers? Our neighbour couldnt possibly live on her own, but otherwise can still dress and wash herself etc.
Good luck and take care.
Angela