Children

[annamann53]

Hi
My husband has Dementia.
He is very close to my grandchildren that are living with us.
How do I tell our granchildren my husband has Dementia.
Thanks
Anna

 

[Grannie G]

Depending on their ages, I would tell them your husband is poorly and might get a few things mixed up.

Thereafter, play it by ear.

 

[pippin_fort]

Telling the children

My father has advanced dementia. He has always been very close to my children who are 11 and 7. I told them straight off after the diagnosis and explained it thus. Our brains have millions of light bulbs in them. When you are growing up the light bulbs go on and that is how you learn to do more and more as you get older. However there comes a point when the light bulbs start to go out. Normally they go out slowly as we get old, but in Grandpa's case his are going out much quicker than they should be for his age. This will make him unable to do some of the things that he used to be able to do. I told them that he loves them dearly and will always do so, but may not always show it. My father has not beeen able to speak for over 2 years and the other day one of them said that they could not remember what he sounded like. The thing is to take as many pictures of him loving them as you can. From my experience children are very accepting and as long as you explain things as honestly as possible in a way that they can understand they will be fine. I wish you lots of love and luck.

 

[Bastan]

All depends on their ages really, I thought pippin-forte's explanation was really good. As his behaviour worsens they will need to know to avoid confusion and even fear on their part. I always think the more upfront one can be the better.

We were in a similar position to you when my husband (Nats) was living at home. My daughter, son-in-law and their daughter lived with us. As the Alzheimer's progressed, unfortunately Nats became quite volatile and could be physically aggressive. Mainly towards me and occasionally to our daughter. Never to our grandaughter. However, when she was two yrs old, Nats' psychiatrist, much to our dismay and horror reported us to child protection. My daughter was devastated, imagining all sorts of issues.. The outcome was we were not allowed to mind her without an other adult being present. This was extremely difficult when our daughter was working.

I tell you this just to warn you and others what can happen. Your grandchildren may be much older and therefore the above irrelevant I hope so.

Keep in touch. x

 

[Christin]

Hello Anna, welcome to Talking Point.

I am sorry to read that your husband has dementia, but you have come to the right place for support. I think the answer to your question may depend on the age of your grandchildren, but hope you can find way to explain to them.

There a number of factsheets available, and this one re Dementia and Children or Young People may help.

With very best wishes to you all x