About 5 and a half years ago, my Dad was reflecting on the quality of his life. He suggested that if he stopped taking the drugs he was on he would die in just a few months. He was making the point that modern medicine prevents nature taking its course. My Dad was pondering the reality that every year that he lived, his quality of life was slightly worse than the year before. He suggested that he had 5 years left before he thought life would not really be worth living.
Almost exactly 5 years later, in June 2011 he died. A massive heart attack, all over very quickly. A few weeks later my lovely mother in law died after a year long fight against Cancer. During that time she had all her faculties, and the last contact I had with her on the night she died, was to crack a joke that she laughed at. I know the carers of dementia sufferers would treasure such a memory.
Having read some of the heart rending stories on this site, I feel like saying ‘so far so good’.
My mother had bi-lateral hip surgery in October last year, and was just making forward progress in terms of re-habilitation, when she had a catastrophic health event on Boxing day – most probably a stroke (she had has TIAs in the past), but this is not yet certain. As a result she lost all mobility, she cannot stand, cannot take any steps, and cannot transfer. She cannot use a loo without considerable assistance including a hoist, and prefers to simply use the special pads provided. Her short term memory no longer exists.
She is scared, confused, proud and lost. She is well cared for, but her life is now horrible. She is not interested in watching TV, listening to the radio or reading books.
It feels like she is in a fog. She can grope her way towards you in order to engage with conversation, but can barely comprehend what you are saying and will quickly disengage. It is heart breaking. I know this is nothing new to people on this site. I spent much of this afternoon reading other peoples stories, and it was heart rending.
However, she has better days. My daughter spoke to her the other day, and said they had a proper conversation.
The mental health nurse has mentioned vascular dementia. My mother is 79.
Without Dad she seems to have lost the will to live. It seems optimistic to believe that she will get better. She would never want to live like this. It seems horrific to think that she is likely to slowly get worse.
I find myself reflecting on my fathers words.
I have read stories on this site of people caring for their dearly loved parents whose dementia is very advanced and whose bodies are slowly decaying. Is seems agonizing for all concerned.
I would not want this for my Mum. I am still hoping for miracles, but not really expecting them.
This has obviously all been quite stressful.
I am part of a big family. We do not agree on what to do with Mum’s flat, some want to clear it out to get rental income to help pay for care, others feel it is too early. We should probably enact (or whatever you do) Power of Attorney. I am one of the Attorneys. Mum does not want us to do this – some feel we should respect her wishes, some feel we need to accept that this is all irreversible, and we need to take control so that we can plan for the future properly. She has always wanted to keep her financial affairs confidential, and has made many contradictory remarks over the years (either having no money, or having plenty). She is clearly already disengaged, but there seems to me no need to force the issue, and she will probably volunteer when we do Dad’s probate (still not done).
If we siblings are not careful we will fall out over silly detail. I feel we are about to cross a huge mountain range of strife, we are in the foothills, we need to complete it as a team, but already, I want to hit one of my brothers, who seems to have a problem listening to anything I say, and will do what he thinks is right regardless of the pain and anguish it is causing others. Another has mentioned that he has cleared some detritus out from Mum’s flat – I want to scream STOP! It is all too much too fast. When challenged they argue. It is very tiring.
My Mum was vibrant and wonderful. I am mourning already.
End of day 28.
Almost exactly 5 years later, in June 2011 he died. A massive heart attack, all over very quickly. A few weeks later my lovely mother in law died after a year long fight against Cancer. During that time she had all her faculties, and the last contact I had with her on the night she died, was to crack a joke that she laughed at. I know the carers of dementia sufferers would treasure such a memory.
Having read some of the heart rending stories on this site, I feel like saying ‘so far so good’.
My mother had bi-lateral hip surgery in October last year, and was just making forward progress in terms of re-habilitation, when she had a catastrophic health event on Boxing day – most probably a stroke (she had has TIAs in the past), but this is not yet certain. As a result she lost all mobility, she cannot stand, cannot take any steps, and cannot transfer. She cannot use a loo without considerable assistance including a hoist, and prefers to simply use the special pads provided. Her short term memory no longer exists.
She is scared, confused, proud and lost. She is well cared for, but her life is now horrible. She is not interested in watching TV, listening to the radio or reading books.
It feels like she is in a fog. She can grope her way towards you in order to engage with conversation, but can barely comprehend what you are saying and will quickly disengage. It is heart breaking. I know this is nothing new to people on this site. I spent much of this afternoon reading other peoples stories, and it was heart rending.
However, she has better days. My daughter spoke to her the other day, and said they had a proper conversation.
The mental health nurse has mentioned vascular dementia. My mother is 79.
Without Dad she seems to have lost the will to live. It seems optimistic to believe that she will get better. She would never want to live like this. It seems horrific to think that she is likely to slowly get worse.
I find myself reflecting on my fathers words.
I have read stories on this site of people caring for their dearly loved parents whose dementia is very advanced and whose bodies are slowly decaying. Is seems agonizing for all concerned.
I would not want this for my Mum. I am still hoping for miracles, but not really expecting them.
This has obviously all been quite stressful.
I am part of a big family. We do not agree on what to do with Mum’s flat, some want to clear it out to get rental income to help pay for care, others feel it is too early. We should probably enact (or whatever you do) Power of Attorney. I am one of the Attorneys. Mum does not want us to do this – some feel we should respect her wishes, some feel we need to accept that this is all irreversible, and we need to take control so that we can plan for the future properly. She has always wanted to keep her financial affairs confidential, and has made many contradictory remarks over the years (either having no money, or having plenty). She is clearly already disengaged, but there seems to me no need to force the issue, and she will probably volunteer when we do Dad’s probate (still not done).
If we siblings are not careful we will fall out over silly detail. I feel we are about to cross a huge mountain range of strife, we are in the foothills, we need to complete it as a team, but already, I want to hit one of my brothers, who seems to have a problem listening to anything I say, and will do what he thinks is right regardless of the pain and anguish it is causing others. Another has mentioned that he has cleared some detritus out from Mum’s flat – I want to scream STOP! It is all too much too fast. When challenged they argue. It is very tiring.
My Mum was vibrant and wonderful. I am mourning already.
End of day 28.
