A big shock today: i don't know what to do

[Dazmum]

This afternoon husband, son and i went off to a football match. My mum, who lives with us was quite happy to stay in the house as she usually does. I left a note as usual to say where we were and what time we' d be back, about six. I also left my phone no and i called her at half time. All was fine. She was watching tv and i said we would be home soon.

So were driving down the road that leads to ours, husband dipped his lights as someone was walking along the the road. There are no street lights it is quite rural. The person walking along the road with no coat, handbag and book in hand was my mum. We stopped the car and she didn't even seem supposed to see us. My husband was brilliant and asked her where she was going to which of course she said home. That' s good he said we'll give you a lift. I just couldn't speak i was horrified. We've tried to be normal since getting home, i kept thinking what would have happened if we hadn't come along at that point? i now have no idea what to do next.she has been mentioning going home more frequently lately so i suppose the signs were there. She had always promised she wouldn't go out if i wasn't here and always said no she would be too frightened. Well that's obviously not the case anymore. My little 82 year old mum out in the dark on her own with no coat on a November night . I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I know this is the next stage and hope we wouldn't get here for a lot longer.

 

[carpe diem]

Hi, this is really common, try not to feel bad yourself, you are doing everything you can by having her live with you, that is a big deal. Your mum has probably forgotten about it by now. It's really hard but my mum always says everything is fine. I think you can get alarms fitted on the door for wandering not sure of the details. Hope people have better advice for you x

 

[Saffie]

I'm so sorry you have this new worry Jennie. It is difficult to know what to do apart from trying to find someone to sit with your mother when you go out. It is another dimension of the disease. My mother was once picked up by the police - she was trying to find a lift to her childhood home of Cardiff. My sister moved her in to live with her and we paid for a carer to stay with her when on her own. I hope someone will come along with a better suggestion. Lots of love X

 

[CaPattinson]

Oh Jennie what a shock and such a worry, horrifying. I don't have any experience of this, but I know there have been quite a lot of threads and posts about wondering, I could name a few tpers who have experienced this, but obviously cant name anyone.

but, it does seem common and someone will be able to offer advice, I am sure.

thinking of you xx

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear Jennie, another sundowner.

Your mum is likely to become restless late afternoon, early evening for a while to come. Lucky she came to no harm this time, but now you know, she is best not left unsupervised.

Something happens which seems to cause a blank on reality when sundowning. Going Home takes over. Being suitably dressed doesn`t even enter the equation.

At least , now you know so can be prepared.

 

[turbo]

Hello Jennie, what an awful shock for you. it's the thought of what could have happened that is so frightening. How is your mum now and how are you.?


Turbo

 

[Christin]

Hello, I am so sorry to read your post, this must have given you quite a scare. I remember how I came home once and found someone in the house with my FIL, when he had promised us that he didn't answer the door to strangers. It was quite legit but really he shouldn't have opened the door, he had no idea who the visitor was. It made us realised that we could not believe everything he said, and that he had no idea of the danger, he thought everyone was a friend. I'm sorry to tell you that these incidences of lack of judgement did gradually increase, and we knew he was a danger to himself.

Unfortunately, we had to eventually accept that my FIL could not be left alone at home and we had sitters so that my OH and I could go out together. It was a shock for us too. It is so sad, and a huge step taking away their independence, but something you may have to consider at some point for your mum's safety.

My best wishes to you all.

 

[grove]

Hello Dazmum , Am so sorry to read what happened to your Mum & it is only natural you feel scared etc , sounds like your Husband was very good & it had a good out come with your Mum coming Home with you !

Sorry not able to offer any real advice except this ........ would you & your Mum be able / cope with having a "Trained Sitter " for a short time so you & the Family can go & out & about ? In my Town we have a Charity that gives Carer 's a break for part of the Day , please ignore if it is not suitable for you & your Mum

Sending much Love & Support for today & in the days to come for you & your Mum , am sure other T P 'ers will be along too support you soon

Love & Hugs Love Grove x x

 

[Dazmum]

Thank you all for your kind words. Mum is fine, i am a wreck at the moment. I know i have to make some practical arrangements but don't know where to start.

 

[Redwitch]

Oh Jennie,

this must be so worrying for you as I know like me you work during the day. Have you thought of getting a GPS watch for her so at least you can track her if she disappers again?

I must admit I worry about this stage myself. I have joked before about getting Mum Microchipped, if we can do it for pets surely it would be good for vulnerable people. Would it be against their human rights????? Don't think it should be a concern as it maybe another opportunity for us to keep our loved ones safe.

Have you thought of using Crossroads, they are great

Thinking of you Hun

Jan

 

[Dazmum]

Thanks grove and Jan, I'm now crying because everyone's being so kind to me! Yes Jan think cross roads is the answer for now. Also i have details of a gps system for dementia sufferers that was in the last west sussex mag. Do i just contact cross roads direct or go through social services or gp?

 

[Izzy]

Almost a year ago Bill went missing from around 5am to 9.30 on a freezing December night. I thought that things would never be the same again. Well they're nit the same, just different. I keep all of the doors locked when were in and I keep the keys to hand. I don't tend to leave Bill in the house alone - he wandered out one afternoon and reported at the local High School for duty! We have a key safe and carers/sitters know the number. Keys are hidden. I have an infra red alarm which I use if we're in a hotel room. Once I got over the shock of Bill going AWOL I just had to get organised. Things are ok now - just different.

I hope you are ok. I can understand how you must feel. Your husband us a star! x

 

[grove]

Dazmum , Thats the Power of T P every body being kind ! ! & if you go onto the Cross Roads Web Page you see all the Info you need to know & if i can remeber correctly you just Contact them yourself there is no NEED for a G P Letter etc

Best Wishes & Good Luck ! ! with Cross Roads !


Love Grove x x x ( P S Thanks for your nice comment & thats what TP is all about helping each other & to help !

 

[simonmonty]

Hello Jennie
When my mum started to wonder I was like you frightens of what might happen if she did it again well she did and I had to lock the doors at first to keep her safe until I came up with a bright idea of altering a house alarm system. So I decided to buy a house alarm with an auto dialling system that would ring me up on my mobile phone or land line if my mum opened the front door. I fitted the alarm with no external bell alarm and altered the internal bell alarm making it a silent alarm. It worked perfectly every time my mum opened the front door it would ring me and alert me to my mum leaving the house.

There are other systems on the market that help alert when someone with Alzheimers wonders. They are very good but do cost to buy or subscribe too. You can find them on the internet.

Here's a link to one as an example! But there are lots of others on offer on the internet so do plenty of research first!
http://www.bluetreeservices.co.uk/careUK.php4

http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9140138/GPS_tracking_system_unveiled_for_Alzheimer_s_patients

 

[Dazmum]

Thank you Izzy, that must have been terrifying for you. I showed my husband your reply and he agreed we just have to live differently. If i could just stop thinking what might have happened. As husband said, someone was looking after us today.

 

[Camille]

I'm an ex carer of my Mum I really sympathise with the shock you must have felt when seeing her out alone. Whilst I never tried this a friend in a similar situation put mirrors on the back door and the front door. This proved to be successful for a while when she had to leave the house. She initially watched her husband to see what he would do and he would go to the door see a reflection talk to the reflection for while then turn round go and sit down. Don't reproach yourself - it is so hard to be one step ahead of the game one sadly never can as they will always do something that one is totally unprepared for. You have a wonderfully supportive husband. You sound as though you are giving your Mum the best possible care. I unfortunately had to put my Mum in a home which turned out to be really awful and broke my heart. Good luck you are doing a grand job. x

 

[ellejay]

Hi Jennie, sorry you had that worry.
The main thing is, no harm was done (except to your nerves) and you can get something sorted to minimise risk in future.

Hope you can find an answer that doesn't stop you going out as a family. x

Lin x

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Jennie

Just try to see today`s episode as a warning. No harm came to anyone and now you have time to make arrangements.

Indeed it would have been terrible if some harm had come to your mum, but it didn`t. She is safe.

 

[fiitay]

Hi Dazmum,
My Nan had dementia over 25 yrs ago and was always trying to get 'home'. We had carers during the night and she still managed to escape. She was found 10 miles away by 2 ladies on the way to bingo, who had the sense to take her to the police station where she had already been reported missing!! We still don't know how she got there as she had no money. She only settled once she went into full time CH and then she welcomed us with open arms and said her brother (who died in the 1st World War) had decorated all through!!
My Mum has now been diagnosed with AZ and when she rang my Dad at his friends one evening to ask where her Mum and Dad where (they both died in 1987) we decided she can't be left alone in the evening. I now go up while he is out. She is still fine during the day on her own as long as Dad leaves a message and lets me know in case she rings me to find out where he is (in case she forgets where the message he has left is).
Maybe she just needs someone to sit with her in the evening (Sundown as other people call it).
I am glad your Mum didn't come to any harm and try not to worry

Fi xx

 

[turbo]

Hello Jennie, I hope that you managed to get some sleep. I'm sure you will get something sorted for your mum fairly quickly. You have had lots of helpful suggestions.
Thinking of you.


Turbo