My worry is having a holiday with my husband because of his alzheimer's

[Reds]

Hi

My husband and I would love to have a good holiday next year possibly abroad. He would really like to go to Malta. I have to renew our passports.

I am already concerned about going because of him approaching strangers, always joking and acting a bit silly. I'am concerned that if I go into a shop or off to the loo would he wonder off and behave inappropriately. I also think how would he be at the airport. We probably wouldn't go until at least next May so for all I know his present awkward symptom may have passed and may be there would be a different one. Also in a couple of weeks time we are going on a coach trip, I so hope he will behave ok. Should we just stay in? He seems so normal at home and wants to do things.

I sort of feel is this rather a trivial worry, but I do want us to do nice things while we can together and the hospital said we should do things now.

Would appreciate any thoughts/advice. Thanks you.

 

[TinaT]

I think it is wonderful for you both to spend every minute possible of your time doing things which you both want to do. Please take everything in your stride and don't worry so much. The "what ifs" can drive you to distraction and serve no purpose at all.

No doubt there will be some 'incidents' - hopefully you will be able to laugh at them. As for the 'Will he wander off whilst I'm on the toilet'?' question, this can also be overcome with a little ingenuity. I never left my husband to go to the toilet unless I had mentioned to the cafe/bar/restaurant owner would he/she please keep an eye on him. The word Alzheimers is recognised in many languages - I know it is in the Spanish Language. I'm sure you will meet other couples as your husband shows such friendly behaviour and they would also keep an eye on him for you when you had to use the toilet. I hope that you will be in an English speaking hotel as I would also mention to the staff that he has alzheimers.

At the airport I would again use the disabled toilets as you can both go in together. Make sure you are seated together on the plane and you should have little or no trouble. The Malta trip shouldn't take too long in the air and I would also make sure the coach holiday trip doesn't involve hours of sitting on a coach. Other than that treat both holidays as normal for you both.

I would also visit the local council offices and ask where you can obtain a RADAR key. This key fits all disabled toilets in England, all motorway service station disabled toilets and all public toilets so you would have no problems accessing them. I think you can also get the RADAR key online if you put the name in your search engine.



The most important thing is for you to both enjoy your holidays and don't be afraid to ask people for a little help. I've found complete strangers to be very kind and understanding if I have had need to ask for help.

Adapt and enjoy!

xxTinaT

 

[Reds]

I think it is wonderful for you both to spend every minute possible of your time doing things which you both want to do. Please take everything in your stride and don't worry so much. The "what ifs" can drive you to distraction and serve no purpose at all.

No doubt there will be some 'incidents' - hopefully you will be able to laugh at them. As for the 'Will he wander off whilst I'm on the toilet'?' question, this can also be overcome with a little ingenuity. I never left my husband to go to the toilet unless I had mentioned to the cafe/bar/restaurant owner would he/she please keep an eye on him. The word Alzheimers is recognised in many languages - I know it is in the Spanish Language. I'm sure you will meet other couples as your husband shows such friendly behaviour and they would also keep an eye on him for you when you had to use the toilet. I hope that you will be in an English speaking hotel as I would also mention to the staff that he has alzheimers.

At the airport I would again use the disabled toilets as you can both go in together. Make sure you are seated together on the plane and you should have little or no trouble. The Malta trip shouldn't take too long in the air and I would also make sure the coach holiday trip doesn't involve hours of sitting on a coach. Other than that treat both holidays as normal for you both.

I would also visit the local council offices and ask where you can obtain a RADAR key. This key fits all disabled toilets in England, all motorway service station disabled toilets and all public toilets so you would have no problems accessing them. I think you can also get the RADAR key online if you put the name in your search engine.



The most important thing is for you to both enjoy your holidays and don't be afraid to ask people for a little help. I've found complete strangers to be very kind and understanding if I have had need to ask for help.

Adapt and enjoy!

xxTinaT

Thank u and so funny. The information you have given is most helpful, I didn't know about a RADAR key! You have given me courage to still try and do things normally, which is what I want us to do. Unfortunately one of my hobbies seems to be worrying! I don't know why I haven't been thinking more possitively about the fact many people are willing to help, think I have been concentrating so much on my husband instead of trying to as you say 'adapt' and enjoy more of what we can.

Hope things are ok with you Tina.

Regards

 

[Izzy]

Tina gives very good advice. Bill and I still go on holiday abroad and in this country. He also has a liking for joking and talking to strangers. So far we have managed without too many disasters. Although I haven't got to the stage of using the disabled loo with him but I will have no hesitation in doing so. I got a radar key for my mum and I still have it.

Bill has also been known to wander out of the hotel room during the night!! The worst was last October when we were in Turkey. Twice he 'escaped' from the room while I slept - despite a tower of our luggage behind the door. We had a king sized bed so I didn't hear him get up. He then went to the loo and when he came out the room door was to his right and out he went. One of the times was the first afternoon we were there. We had had a long flight and a very late night/early morning so we were having an afternoon snooze. I woke to find him gone. In a major panic I phoned down to reception and explained about the Alzheimers - it must be the same in Turkish as they understood! A minute or two later he returned on the arm of a charming young chambermaid - he was quite delighted!!

The second time was in the early hours of the morning. I woke to find him shaking me and saying that there was a gentleman there to see me! It was 3am and the porter had brought him back upstairs! I spent the rest on that night sleeping rolled in the duvet on the floor in front of the door!!

I thought that would be the end of our holidays but when I came home I came on TP and got some suggestions. I ended up buying an infra red alarm which I now take on holiday with me. I set it up across the bedroom door and if he was to break the beam by opening the door or stepping through it an almighty alarm will go off. So far I'm the only one to have set it off when I was trying to put it off in the morning. I must admit it has given me peace of mind!

I also use self catering accommodation which I find really good for us. I can set up the alarm knowing that it won't bother anyone else and usually the front door has a door which I can lock with a key and then keep the key under my pillow!!

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to say that I want to keep doing holidays as long as we can and we are finding ways round the problems. We are off to Pitlochry for the weekend in a fortnight's time, we're then going to Troon for 3 nights for Bill's birthday in October. We then have 5 nights in Seville in a self catering apartment. I feel I will know when the day comes when we will have to stop. As it is we both still get a lot out of it. It can be hard work for me but I think it's worth it.

Good luck! x

I now have no hesitation in telling people in hotels etc that Bill has Alzheimer's. In the beginning I would never have done that. Now I feel it is the safest way and it doesn't bother me.

 

[Reds]

Tina gives very good advice. Bill and I still go on holiday abroad and in this country. He also has a liking for joking and talking to strangers. So far we have managed without too many disasters. Although I haven't got to the stage of using the disabled loo with him but I will have no hesitation in doing so. I got a radar key for my mum and I still have it.

Bill has also been known to wander out of the hotel room during the night!! The worst was last October when we were in Turkey. Twice he 'escaped' from the room while I slept - despite a tower of our luggage behind the door. We had a king sized bed so I didn't hear him get up. He then went to the loo and when he came out the room door was to his right and out he went. One of the times was the first afternoon we were there. We had had a long flight and a very late night/early morning so we were having an afternoon snooze. I woke to find him gone. In a major panic I phoned down to reception and explained about the Alzheimers - it must be the same in Turkish as they understood! A minute or two later he returned on the arm of a charming young chambermaid - he was quite delighted!!

The second time was in the early hours of the morning. I woke to find him shaking me and saying that there was a gentleman there to see me! It was 3am and the porter had brought him back upstairs! I spent the rest on that night sleeping rolled in the duvet on the floor in front of the door!!

I thought that would be the end of our holidays but when I came home I came on TP and got some suggestions. I ended up buying an infra red alarm which I now take on holiday with me. I set it up across the bedroom door and if he was to break the beam by opening the door or stepping through it an almighty alarm will go off. So far I'm the only one to have set it off when I was trying to put it off in the morning. I must admit it has given me peace of mind!

I also use self catering accommodation which I find really good for us. I can set up the alarm knowing that it won't bother anyone else and usually the front door has a door which I can lock with a key and then keep the key under my pillow!!

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to say that I want to keep doing holidays as long as we can and we are finding ways round the problems. We are off to Pitlochry for the weekend in a fortnight's time, we're then going to Troon for 3 nights for Bill's birthday in October. We then have 5 nights in Seville in a self catering apartment. I feel I will know when the day comes when we will have to stop. As it is we both still get a lot out of it. It can be hard work for me but I think it's worth it.

Good luck! x

I now have no hesitation in telling people in hotels etc that Bill has Alzheimer's. In the beginning I would never have done that. Now I feel it is the safest way and it doesn't bother me.

Thank you so much for sharing your holiday experiences with me. The information is most useful. There is so much to learn. I can imagine what you say, and can understand why you found yourself protecting the door in your hotel! So glad you have had the courage to keep going on holiday, you have helped to give me more strength. I feel so pleased and surprised by the responses I have had by joining this forum, it really is comforting to realise so many people are supportive. We went to Wells next the sea recently, a lovely place to say but that is where I really realised my husband is losing his inhibition as spoke to so many strangers, seemed like everyone on the planet! We have been on some coach trips and we have enjoyed those and its quite nice coming back to our home comforts. Like to go abroad but wanted a quieter year this year as having work done on the house which started before his diagnosis and what with his dad dying a couple of years ago and this year his mum. His mum had alzheimer's.

Thanks for telling me about the alarm, what a good idea. What a challenge we both have, will be proud if I can manage to do well, really want to. Its the unexpected things he might do which is the hardest. He seems mainly happy though, just wish he enjoyed his job more but has a difficult boss and wish he didn't keep getting cramp just lately.

On a happier note I hope you enjoy your holidays, so nice to have them to look forward to. Enjoy x

 

[creativesarah]

my dad talked to everyone and he didn't have alzheimers ! so we grew up used to it its quite the norm with lots of people but to you its a change they wont know any different
I talk to everyone too my friends are amazed when we walk through town that I know so many people these Fays I struggle to remember who they are but I recognise their faces

 

[Reds]

my dad talked to everyone and he didn't have alzheimers ! so we grew up used to it its quite the norm with lots of people but to you its a change they wont know any different
I talk to everyone too my friends are amazed when we walk through town that I know so many people these Fays I struggle to remember who they are but I recognise their faces

Thank you! I am probably being a bit toooo serious! Think its because I am having difficulty myself with worrying so much about him being diagnosed with this illness. I just wish I could settle myself down about it. Your comment helps though, its just he jokes so much and one lady didn't like it and said 'take him away' when I came out of a shop and she meant it! Majority of people didn't mind and seemed to love chatting to him and the hospital said some people are cruel and should respect people more in case they do have something wrong with them. Hope things are ok with you, thanks again.

 

[sussexsue]

The good thing about going on holiday is you will never see the people you meet again. So it really doesnt matter how your OH behaves. Just go and enjoy yourselves and leave your worries at home with the guilt monster.

 

[Reds]

The good thing about going on holiday is you will never see the people you meet again. So it really doesnt matter how your OH behaves. Just go and enjoy yourselves and leave your worries at home with the guilt monster.

Thank you!

 

[ailyn2611]

Hi

I think it is so natural to worry, especially from the safety aspect about 'wandering', but as suggested already, there can be ways of trusting others to keep an eye on him when he has to be left without you temporarily when you are in the toilet in public.

My mum became extremely friendly and expecially with children and babies, and one can imagine the reaction of others, when it would appear like this 'mad' woman trying to chat to toddlers!! I think it's got to do with the lowering of their social inhibitions. We just played along with mum, and went along with chatting with the children and their families!!! As Tina mentioned, laughing about the situation does help. Taking it lightly as long as there is no harm done helps. Forget the pride and go with the flow.

Hope you have a nice relaxing holiday!

x

 

[Reds]

Hi

I think it is so natural to worry, especially from the safety aspect about 'wandering', but as suggested already, there can be ways of trusting others to keep an eye on him when he has to be left without you temporarily when you are in the toilet in public.

My mum became extremely friendly and expecially with children and babies, and one can imagine the reaction of others, when it would appear like this 'mad' woman trying to chat to toddlers!! I think it's got to do with the lowering of their social inhibitions. We just played along with mum, and went along with chatting with the children and their families!!! As Tina mentioned, laughing about the situation does help. Taking it lightly as long as there is no harm done helps. Forget the pride and go with the flow.

Hope you have a nice relaxing holiday!

x

Thank you, this is just what my husband is like. He does get a few strange looks from people because of what he says and approaching them. It is a question of getting used to it. Most people don't mind but there have been a couple of awkward moments where people haven't liked it. Wish he wouldn't approach tables when people are eating. I do need to lighten up, I will try. Hard when he does something unexpected. I do worry too much though.

Thank you, I am going to book a holiday for next year and try and get used to this more.

Best wishes x

 

[creativesarah]

good for you!

 

[Worried Milly]

Different worries with holidays.

I have just come back from two weeks in Spain with my husband - we went to visit our 2 year old Granddaughter.

It was a bit of a nightmare and has caused him so much regression that I am sorry I took him away. I should have stayed at home.

His toileting went to pot - lights left on did not help - day or night he forgot where the toilet was, or forgot how to wipe, or forgot to put his pants back on.

He tried to come out to the swimming pool several times naked. He put his pyjamis over his swimming costume and wandered off to swim.

Most worrying - he had forgotten how to swim and needed to have what I call a noodle - long round polystyrene type swimming aid - to help him swim but we made sure there were always at least 3 of us - strong swimmers - to help him in case.

He hated the sunshine. He hated meals out. He wanted to eat and go.

and on and on. and now that we are back home ? bits have come right - but not a lot - he was so much better before than he is now.

I should have stayed at home and he might not have regressed so much. I dont feel that I did him any favours.

Sorry !

 

[Reds]

I have just come back from two weeks in Spain with my husband - we went to visit our 2 year old Granddaughter.

It was a bit of a nightmare and has caused him so much regression that I am sorry I took him away. I should have stayed at home.

His toileting went to pot - lights left on did not help - day or night he forgot where the toilet was, or forgot how to wipe, or forgot to put his pants back on.

He tried to come out to the swimming pool several times naked. He put his pyjamis over his swimming costume and wandered off to swim.

Most worrying - he had forgotten how to swim and needed to have what I call a noodle - long round polystyrene type swimming aid - to help him swim but we made sure there were always at least 3 of us - strong swimmers - to help him in case.

He hated the sunshine. He hated meals out. He wanted to eat and go.

and on and on. and now that we are back home ? bits have come right - but not a lot - he was so much better before than he is now.

I should have stayed at home and he might not have regressed so much. I dont feel that I did him any favours.

Sorry !

So Sorry to hear you had a difficult time on holiday. Holidays can be such hard work at times. Must be extremely worrying for you that your husband had these problems. Glad you are home, I think most people are better where they are familiar. Hopefully he will settle down a little more the longer he is back at home. Thank you for letting me know of your experience, I am going to try and keep having a holiday or a day out until I feel it just won't be worth it, but its not always easy to tell what will happen and when! I hope you are ok and feeling a bit better too now your home.

Best wishes

 

[briana]

holidays

hi, my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia at the age of 47, before he was diagnosed we took a holiday to turkey, what a nightmare! and that was just at the airport,, he couldnt cope with queueing, people around, etc, he started getting verbally abusive(something he would NEVER normally do), anyway once home i decided that we would be best to have holidays in this country, so now we have the diagnoses and we,r coming to terms with routine etc, which he must have, we bought a touring caravan! and what a fantastic idea, we have all our own stuff around us so that helps him with his confusion and him needing security and calmness, now i can book at the last minute if hubbys in a good place at that time,, like today ive booked to have 6 nights away from tomorrow, as last month was a bad time with him, he gets bad paranoia, and aggression there was no way we could have gone anywhere,,

 

[Reds]

hi, my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia at the age of 47, before he was diagnosed we took a holiday to turkey, what a nightmare! and that was just at the airport,, he couldnt cope with queueing, people around, etc, he started getting verbally abusive(something he would NEVER normally do), anyway once home i decided that we would be best to have holidays in this country, so now we have the diagnoses and we,r coming to terms with routine etc, which he must have, we bought a touring caravan! and what a fantastic idea, we have all our own stuff around us so that helps him with his confusion and him needing security and calmness, now i can book at the last minute if hubbys in a good place at that time,, like today ive booked to have 6 nights away from tomorrow, as last month was a bad time with him, he gets bad paranoia, and aggression there was no way we could have gone anywhere,,

Hi Briana

Thanks for your message, to hear about your experience is helpful. What a good idea you getting a touring caravan and to have your familiar things around you both. Sounds like your getting used to adapting! I'm glad your keen still to go away and hope you have a lovely 6 days away. Think I will keep trying to do things as the support I have had on here now has given me encouragement so will just adapt when the time comes for the need to change the type of holiday etc. Best wishes x

 

[JeanieB1]

laugh

I worry about going shopping with my husband & so admire you people who go on holiday, good luck to you & enjoy xx

Just to make you smile, I hope ,I will tell you my tale . I took my husband to a local shopping centre when it was a lovely warm sunny day, my husband was using a mobility scooter. We passed a pub with lots of people sitting outside & J said he would like a beer, I asked a couple of 'ladies' to keep any eye on him while I went inside to get the drinks. When i got back with the drinks we sat close by the 'ladies' & it soon became apparent that I had left my husband in the care of 2 prostitutes ?? oh my goodness it was an eye opener & gave us a laugh, at least they didnt ask for any payment. Live & let live may God bless the 2 ladies xx

 

[Izzy]

Oh Jeanie - I like it!!!! As you say, at least they didn't charge!!

I am beginning to get a bit on the nervous side as we have two holidays coming up.

The first is to Ayrshire (next weekend) and we will be staying in a hotel in Troon. I don't have too many concerns about that. I will have the infra red alarm with me to make sure I hear if Bill tries to go walkabout.

I have to confess that for the first time I am feeling nervous about our 5 day trip to Seville (10th October). I have everything organised. We're staying at Gatwick airport the night before (infra red alarm to the ready!). I'm taking mum's radar key with me and have decided I will use the disabled toilets when Bill needs to go - much safer.

I've booked meet and greet parking at Edinburgh airport for Sunday 9th as this means one less means of transport. I have a car organised to pick us up at the airport. We're staying in an apartment rather than an hotel as I thought that this would give us a bit more freedom to do what Bill feels like doing.

I have the car booked to take us back to the airport in Seville when we're going home.

I am just getting a few butterflies in the tummy in case anything goes wrong. I love organising trips, I always have but it's different when you know you are responsible for absolutely everything and there will never be a 'two heads are better than one' if a problem arises.

Hey ho! Not to worry. I know I am mega lucky that Bill can still come on this kind of trip. I look on each one as if it might be our last. x

 

[Reds]

I worry about going shopping with my husband & so admire you people who go on holiday, good luck to you & enjoy xx

Just to make you smile, I hope ,I will tell you my tale . I took my husband to a local shopping centre when it was a lovely warm sunny day, my husband was using a mobility scooter. We passed a pub with lots of people sitting outside & J said he would like a beer, I asked a couple of 'ladies' to keep any eye on him while I went inside to get the drinks. When i got back with the drinks we sat close by the 'ladies' & it soon became apparent that I had left my husband in the care of 2 prostitutes ?? oh my goodness it was an eye opener & gave us a laugh, at least they didnt ask for any payment. Live & let live may God bless the 2 ladies xx

Ha Ha JeanieB1!! Think us family carers all have very unusual situations to cope with! Yes I am going to avoid going into a supermarket or other shops with my husband as much as I can. Its much easier to shop alone anyway and saves me some embarrassment as he wants to joke all the time and I never know who he is going to approach next. Thanks for your message and best of luck x x

 

[Reds]

Oh Jeanie - I like it!!!! As you say, at least they didn't charge!!

I am beginning to get a bit on the nervous side as we have two holidays coming up.

The first is to Ayrshire (next weekend) and we will be staying in a hotel in Troon. I don't have too many concerns about that. I will have the infra red alarm with me to make sure I hear if Bill tries to go walkabout.

I have to confess that for the first time I am feeling nervous about our 5 day trip to Seville (10th October). I have everything organised. We're staying at Gatwick airport the night before (infra red alarm to the ready!). I'm taking mum's radar key with me and have decided I will use the disabled toilets when Bill needs to go - much safer.

I've booked meet and greet parking at Edinburgh airport for Sunday 9th as this means one less means of transport. I have a car organised to pick us up at the airport. We're staying in an apartment rather than an hotel as I thought that this would give us a bit more freedom to do what Bill feels like doing.

I have the car booked to take us back to the airport in Seville when we're going home.

I am just getting a few butterflies in the tummy in case anything goes wrong. I love organising trips, I always have but it's different when you know you are responsible for absolutely everything and there will never be a 'two heads are better than one' if a problem arises.

Hey ho! Not to worry. I know I am mega lucky that Bill can still come on this kind of trip. I look on each one as if it might be our last. x

Aw Izzy lovely to hear from you again. Sounds like you have some lovely holidays booked especially the one to Seville. Please let me know how you get on in Ayrshire plus would be interested to hear about Seville. Hope you manage to stay as relaxed as possible and go with the flow! Concentrate on all the good holiday thoughts if you can. Think its great you are going and so determined. Fingers crossed