I hate Mondays

[simonphillips]

What a morning. Since Mom came out of hospital she has been incontinent. So the final taboo has had to go, I had to clean her "bits" and put cream on her bum as it was sore and get her into a new nightie. I e-mailed Social Circuses and asked for a re-assessment this morning. My car's immobiliser decided that it wouldn't let the car start. It took nearly an hour of trying to start it. I went to the Docs, picked up her prescription and asked for an appointment for me. They said there weren't any and I would have to call each morning to try to get in on the list. I broke down. Cried in public (so humiliating, I'm 6'7 and 24 stone, what a sight that must have been) so now I have an appointment at 12:15.

Asking for help is hard enough, why make it so hard to obtain?

 

[lynne west]

What a morning. Since Mom came out of hospital she has been incontinent. So the final taboo has had to go, I had to clean her "bits" and put cream on her bum as it was sore and get her into a new nightie. I e-mailed Social Circuses and asked for a re-assessment this morning. My car's immobiliser decided that it wouldn't let the car start. It took nearly an hour of trying to start it. I went to the Docs, picked up her prescription and asked for an appointment for me. They said there weren't any and I would have to call each morning to try to get in on the list. I broke down. Cried in public (so humiliating, I'm 6'7 and 24 stone, what a sight that must have been) so now I have an appointment at 12:15.

Asking for help is hard enough, why make it so hard to obtain?

I am sending you a hug life is so hard . Your doing a wonderful job x x x

 

[florence43]

Such a simple description of "a day in the life of..." but such a powerful summary of how dementia affects us all. If it's any consolation...I have cried in the strangest, most unexpected places in front of people I REALLY didn't want to! We've ALL been there!

As many have said, you have to scream and shout to get the help required. Such a shame, isn't it?

But my heart goes out to you, in many ways, and it sounds like you're doing a great job with your mum. How lucky she is to have you. I always dreaded the personal care side and felt ashamed of myself that I couldn't cross "that line". Being a woman, seeing to my mum should have been easier, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, unless there were no other options. I've never really been able to articulate why either...

I'm thinking of you now (12.05pm)... 10 more minutes and someone might start listening to you. Best of luck!

Kindest regards,

 

[Adnkt]

I went to the Docs, picked up her prescription and asked for an appointment for me. They said there weren't any and I would have to call each morning to try to get in on the list. [/QUOTE]I broke down.

Hi Simon,

Make sure your surgery know that you are a carer. I've found mine to be very supportive and always get an appointment straight away. I love your 'Social Circuses' what an excellent description.

 

[Bumble B]

What a horrible start to your week,sometimes everything seems to go wrong at once,doesn't it ?
Don't be embarassed about breaking down at the doctor's,at least it got you an appointment and I hope you're able to make your GP aware of just how much your mother's condition has taken over your life.
I can see how distressing it was to deal with Mum's personal care,everyone has their limits.Let's hope your appointment brings you some help with that.
You're right when you say that getting help is hard. Having someone with this condition feels to me like having a heavy weight attached to me all the time,gradually obliterating the real me,and I think the burden is even heavier when you're the only child.
May you have more peace of mind by this afternoon.
Look after yourself,you deserve it.

 

[RosmaryW]

Hi Simon, I hate Mondays too. Also Wednesdays, terrible Isn't it, Mondays shower day for my Mum and I just know it will be traumatic, upsetting, dreadful, horrible and all I have got to do is point her in the right direction. The smallest tasks become huge. Wednesday is "Helldresser day", she will be taken (at her request) to be pampered and have a stroll by the sea, her hairdresser will phone me when she is ready to be picked up and I will bring her home and present her with a lovely cooked lunch.
During this time I will have been called every name under the sun and told how evil I am for making her wash and go to the hairdressers. By about 4pm it's usually me that's crying and wishing I had had my hair done instead (haven't been for 30 years actually) wear it in a bun it stops her pulling it when she's annoyed!.
I think It's great what you are doing, don't ever be sorry about having a good cry wherever whenever, we all cry I'm sure of that. My big 6ft husband has got upset at times and I'm not surprised having my Mum living with us, every day is a challenge.
I wish you all the luck and patience in the world. Rose.

 

[littlegem]

Hi, I don't know what to say to help you.
Sending you hugs and hope your Doctor listens to you.
take care of yourself, it takes a special courage to do what you are doing.
God bless
xx

 

[zoe1968]

I hope your day improves....sending a hug

 

[Jo1958]

Simon, hi
I hope that the GP was supportive and you are now further forward with getting some support. I do hope that they listened.
Sending (((Hugs))) with best wishes from Jo

 

[simonphillips]

I love your 'Social Circuses' what an excellent description.

It's what we called it when I worked for them. I sent an email requesting an assessment, stating I was a full-time carer and I live with her and put the address on the bottom of the email. They just sent me an email requesting her address!

 

[simonphillips]

Thank you all for your support. I spoke to the Doc, and he contacted the Intermediate Nursing Team whilst I was with him and they are coming this afternoon to sort something out until Social Circuses get their act together. He has listened to me and put me back on Effexor, so when they kick in I should be able to cope more easily (I've had mental health issues since 1986 and was medically retired because of it in 2004).

Asked Mom if she wants anything to eat, she said no. I offred her a jammie doughnut and surprisingly she's eating that. Her and her cakes and bikkies

 

[Jo1958]

Simon, hi
That's good, I hope that the visit this afternoon is constructive and you can work out a care package that really helps you both.
Isn't it just the thing that the only food that satisfies is sweet and sticky
I hope you got two doughnuts, you deserve a treat after the morning you've had.
With best wishes from Jo

 

[simonphillips]

The Intermediate team have been and a daily visit in the morning has been arranged until Social Circuses get their finger out. She has a grade 1 sore bum and so I'm off to the Docs again to get a prescription for Cavalon (best sore bum cream available but you need a prescription). They told me she needs a stairlift. Well, we mortgaged the house to get the work we have had already done, so they told me to contact SSAFA as Mom is ex-services (as was my dad). I hope they can help. I feel everything is moving at last, but why did it take a crisis

 

[cragmaid]

Simon, you are a star. Well done you. I remember having to put my aunt on a bedpan while she was in hospital, I wouldn't care but it was a posh B*PA with ensuite, but she was on bed rest so she/I said we'll manage. I realised then that comfort comes before dignity in the alphabet. Look after yourself, Maureen.x.

 

[flowerpot]

"I feel everything is moving at last, but why did it take a crisis"

It's the same old story. Nobody listens until we scream and cry

Pleased that you're getting some help I love your quote 'social circuses' how true we're having a nightmare with them here at the moment

Can't offer any advice but can send you a virtual ((((((HUG)))))) take care xx

 

[holiday]

I hope your visit made you feel a little better about yourself. You sound like your doing a brilliant job with your mum, stay strong and be proud of who you are xxx

 

[littlegem]

Great stuff!!!!!!
So glad you broke down in the surgery as it's got things moving for you at last but, as you say, why do they wait until carers are actually on the point of breaking.

Sincerely hope things get easier for you now.

Take care and let us know how you're getting on with everything including the stairlift.

Best wishes
xx

 

[bulmer]

I've cried today too

I sobbed and sobbed today My mum keeps falling and braking bones the last was a month ago. social services arranged to carers to go in am and pm what bliss. mam told me today she's canceling them. I cracked up. I cant take any more I really want to walk away.

 

[PamD]

Thank goodness your GP was useful and has got things going for you. Hang on in there, and take care of yourself. Another (((hug))). Pam

 

[simonphillips]

I sobbed and sobbed today My mum keeps falling and braking bones the last was a month ago. social services arranged to carers to go in am and pm what bliss. mam told me today she's canceling them. I cracked up. I cant take any more I really want to walk away.

Hi

I don't know what part of the country you're in but you need to contact Social Services and request a seperate carers assessment, this means they'll assess you away from your Mother and you can put YOUR case forward without the "There's nowt wrong with me" commentary from your Mom.

have a (((hug)))

Simon