My dad does not realise he has dementia or does he

[jjude]

Hi This is my first post and i have a dilemma. My dad was diagnoed 2 years ago with vascular dementia. He tells everybody he has an anyerism which is causing his memory loss. He has never mentioned the word dementia and i simply cant work out whether he knows or not that he does have dementia but chooses to ignore it or genuinely beleives he has an anyuerism. It doesnt feel right telling him he has dementia but neither does not telling him. Is there anything to be gained by telling him the truth. If anybody can advise or has a similair experience i would really appreciate their views.

 

[littlegem]

Hi,
My hubby has just been diagnosed with VasD and I have chosen not to tell him as he is relatively happy and content. I'm not sure how he would take it but do not want to bring on any chance of depression coming on.
He was always one of those people who ignored problems hoping they would go away so I think I'm doing the right thing.
If your Dad was questioning what was wrong with him it might be different but he seems to cope with the aneurism theory.
Hope this helps.
take care
xx

 

[PamD]

It's an odd one, isn't it. My Father always said "We don't mention the word dementia or Alzheimers", so since his death we've gone along with that, talking about Mother's "Memory problems". But a couple of times things have cropped up, eg last week:

Me:"I'm going off to Tesco to rattle a tin for a charity collection"
Mother:"What charity"
Me: "Alzheimer's Society"
Mother:"Oh, that's relevant to us isn't it".

So she knows, sort of, though we never talk about it and only ever refer to her "Memory problems" as what's causing her total confusion in the mornings, with "I just cant think straight, what's happening to me" and occasional jerky legs etc, as well as complete lack of short term memory.

Everyone's different.

Pam

 

[Pacucho]

I agree i do not think anything would be gained from telling your father he has dementia. I never told my mum.
Regards

Paco

 

[Cate]

My mum never had any insight into her illness, and I never told her, it wouldnt have made her better to give her a label, just upset her, so there was no point.

There is no right or wrong to this siutation, I know some people it helps to have a 'label' to make sense of it, to others like my dear mum it would have frightened and distressed her.

Personal choice, go with your instinct.

 

[jjude]

Thanks for all your views

Thanks everybody i feel a lot better after reading your messages. It helps to know that i am not alone in my dilemma. We also refer to Dads "memory problems" and i now know that is how it will stay. I now dont beleive there is anything to be gained from telling him the truth such is the nature of the illness and am content to leave it at that and just get on with the job of day to day living and loving him rather than wasting time pondering on irrelevances. Thanks once again for your support.

 

[thatwoman]

I don't know if this helps, but 2 years ago Dad was given his diagnosis by the psychiatrist. He was very upset, mostly because she also told him he could no longer drive, and for the rest of the afternoon he seemed quite tearful.

I got my husband to come and join us after tea, thinking that it would be good to talk about the way forward (Dad had always trusted my husband, and even asked him to be best man when Dad had remarried 20 years earlier). So I was ready to have the difficult conversations, when Dad denied that he had seen any doctor and that there was nothing wrong with him! And even though he has been in an EMI nursing home for 15 months now, that's the way it has been ever since. He sits in a recliner, cannot walk, is doubly incontinent, but every day when I go to see him, he'll tell me he's just got back from Manchester, or London, or is just popping over to France! So, apart from one day when he acknowledged the diagnosis, he has managed to block it out. I think that part of him does know, but why let reality get in the way of having a good time!

Good luck to you on your journey,

Sue.

 

[Onlyme]

Dad denied that he had seen any doctor and that there was nothing wrong with him! And even though he has been in an EMI nursing home for 15 months now, that's the way it has been ever since. He sits in a recliner, cannot walk, is doubly incontinent, but every day when I go to see him, he'll tell me he's just got back from Manchester, or London, or is just popping over to France! So, apart from one day when he acknowledged the diagnosis, he has managed to block it out.

I could have written that myself.