This thread made me want to post as I am really struggling with this in my caring for mum.
Mum was never reciprocal re hugs and affection, where as dad was easy to cuddle and as I have gotten older I have realized I am a person who loves a hug for no reason at all just hug me, my daughter is like this and I always hug her and hug her back when she hugs me, same with my lovely hubby I grab him and hug. I can never remember every being hugged by my mum.
Since I was about 7/8 I have felt that I was a bit of an inconvenience to mum. Just there like a likable piece of furniture but when I needed something it seem a bother. She adored showing people the mess of my room and to be honest with you, when I look back and compare my room as a teenager to my daughters room now she was really lucky but I don't complain much about Clair's room as I know one day she will fly the nest and I will long for the noise and giggling phone calls and loud music as she gets ready to go out for the night.
I remember feeling down when I was 14 and I told mum, she said " oh your to young for that pull yourself together" A few short years later her friends daughter had depression and she was all over her with sympathy
Mum is slowly progressing into dementia but I feel she is able to put an act on for me( of being worse) and when my Brother telephones she goes to this wee lady who is capable of gardening, shopping and house work, when is actual fact she would not know how the Hoover works or be able to make a hot snack for herself for lunch.
I long for an evening when she stays in her own room and doesn't come plunk herself down on sofa.
I work full time and come home to care for mum but to be honest my health is now beginning to suffer, I have anemia ( diagnosed last week ) I am sooo tired.
The guilt attached to my behavior to mum hurts and I have found myself even wishing she was dead and this is not normal, for this I feel wicked as I believe" you should treat people the way you want treated yourself", it is overwhelming.
I fully understand if this post is removed as I feel I have write or I will explode. Thank you.xxxx
Mum was never reciprocal re hugs and affection, where as dad was easy to cuddle and as I have gotten older I have realized I am a person who loves a hug for no reason at all just hug me, my daughter is like this and I always hug her and hug her back when she hugs me, same with my lovely hubby I grab him and hug. I can never remember every being hugged by my mum.
Since I was about 7/8 I have felt that I was a bit of an inconvenience to mum. Just there like a likable piece of furniture but when I needed something it seem a bother. She adored showing people the mess of my room and to be honest with you, when I look back and compare my room as a teenager to my daughters room now she was really lucky but I don't complain much about Clair's room as I know one day she will fly the nest and I will long for the noise and giggling phone calls and loud music as she gets ready to go out for the night.
I remember feeling down when I was 14 and I told mum, she said " oh your to young for that pull yourself together" A few short years later her friends daughter had depression and she was all over her with sympathy
Mum is slowly progressing into dementia but I feel she is able to put an act on for me( of being worse) and when my Brother telephones she goes to this wee lady who is capable of gardening, shopping and house work, when is actual fact she would not know how the Hoover works or be able to make a hot snack for herself for lunch.
I long for an evening when she stays in her own room and doesn't come plunk herself down on sofa.
I work full time and come home to care for mum but to be honest my health is now beginning to suffer, I have anemia ( diagnosed last week ) I am sooo tired.
The guilt attached to my behavior to mum hurts and I have found myself even wishing she was dead and this is not normal, for this I feel wicked as I believe" you should treat people the way you want treated yourself", it is overwhelming.
I fully understand if this post is removed as I feel I have write or I will explode. Thank you.xxxx