New Lurker out of the shadows

[kittypurry]

Hello

I thought I'd finally write a line to introduce myself, and would like to ask advice from the great people on here who have soo much more experience than me.

3 months ago my husband left his job and we moved in his mother with VD. We have a 5 year old, 9 month onld and next baby due 31st Dec so we have a pretty busy/full house!

Mother is, on the whole, not very difficult to care for physically and is responsive to suggestion and distraction. However she gets days when she wakes up with a terrible mood and is destructive to anything she get get hold VERY rude and quite agressive to husband- and will ignore anything I say! Days like this she isn't open to suggestion or ditractable with anything- just wanders being angry with no identifiable cause. (She had just got up and i gave her a Tea and got an incomprehensable mouthful !)

When she is bad I am very protective over the little ones and we have started to lock the kitchen door ( with her safe to wander the rest of the house which is secure and nothing to harm ) more to keep the children from experiancing the behavior -- but I really feel bad about this. Husband has no qualms ( he is the 'official'carer) Is this a suitable way to deal with these days or is there anything else members could suggest. I just don't want to do wrong by her-- but equally my kids come first xxx

Thanks for readingxxx
Kittypuury and her kittens

 

[Norrms]

Hiya

Hello and firstly welcome to TP. Its difficult trying to balance things betwwen family and hopefully someone who is more qualified than me will come along shortly to offer a good piece of advice. Just wanted tio say a great big HI, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[danny]

Hi from me as well

Can`t help with your problem though but I am sure later on someone will come along who can.

Can we shorten you to Kitty ?

 

[thatwoman]

Welcome Kitty,

I love the name! I'm not sure what others will say, but I think you're doing the right thing. When your MIL is in a reasonable mood she would be appalled to think of her grandchildren being frightened by her mood, and so you are protecting them from it. So long as she is safe and has the run of the rest of the house, I can't see any harm.
The only thing I would say is that in my experience things can get worse, and you may need to think about how you cope when you have a new baby as well. Are you getting any support? I know from having lived with my MIL that there are pressures from being always on call, and she didn't have dementia!

Take care of your lovely kittens, love Sue xxx

 

[kittypurry]

Hello Norrms and Danny.
Kitty will be just fine thanks
Thank you Sue for the helpful comments about if she knew what she was doing. We have a big downstairs for her to safely wander- I just feel bad when she comes banging on the doors to the rest of the house for no reason but as we are behind them....

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Hello Kitty and welcome to Talking Point,
Is your mother-in-law on any medication? Perhaps something just for the bad days could be prescribed. This would you have to take up with her doctor and I would recommend being very careful. Medication does have its place but it needs to be monitored.

However, I don't see anything wrong with giving her several rooms to roam around in till she calms down. Would playing some of her favourite music help? Are there any cats or dogs for her to play with? Animals can really turn a person's mood around.

Good luck and keep posting.

 

[Christin]

I don't have the same experience of caring as you as my children were older before FIL became so noticably unwell. All I can say to you is please don't be afraid to ask for help. Does your MIL go to a day centre etc? I walked a tightrope for years trying to keep everything calm and shield my children from the worst but inevitably they saw some of it anyway. I think you are right to put your children first and I agree that your MIL, if well, would probably not want them to suffer because of her. Of course, you absolutely must look after yourself as well as they need you! It is so hard to deal with parents and children! Even now I often feel guilty that I occasionally I had to say no to my children, although as they grew up they seemed to simply accept the way their grandfather was. I always insisted that they could bring their friends home etc, have their parties here and not miss out. Occasionally now I have to remind myself that this is my home too Best wishes to you