I don't know why, but I have felt today that I should share something of my history; maybe because some of my posts are so negative.
15 years ago I sat at an antenatal appointment and cried, because there was something wrong with my mum's memory, but no-one else seemed bothered.
My mum came to stop when the baby was due but could not follow the midwife's instructions to call an ambulance.
12 years ago I unexpectedly found myself on my own with three children, 4years,3years, and 2 weeks old. My dad took us home, but after 3 days we had to leave as mum could not cope with having children in the house (She had always loved young children.) After that I could only stay when the older two were with their father.
10 years ago I moved to be closer to them; 20 minutes away, a handy distance for dad to drive for an afternoon coffee, and he used to call with mum most days and most weekends for Sunday dinner.
Beginning of 1998, when mum was having difficulty dressing herself, and sundowning, I forced the issue and went to see her GP and then got dad to take her. We saw a neurologist privately, had a brain scan and multi infarcta dementia was diagnosed.
Mum was put on some sort of tranquilizer to stop the sundowning - unfortunately it seemed to stop much of her communication. When she came off the tranquilliser she "chattered" more, but by that time it couldn't be understood.
Mum was a walker, and seems to have spent the last 7 years walking round the house, garden and care home; on a good day smiling, other days just looking very tired.
Last year she started having falls, she'd just fall over - not trip. Then she became very unsteady on her feet. Now it needs two people to support her and sometimes she cannot walk. In January we moved her into a nursing home, and there she is now. Some days she can move her arms, some days she is still smiley, some days all she wants to do is sleep. We feed her and give her drinks. For a third of my life I have watched my mum fade away, and I am tired and wonder for how much longer it can go on.
The long goodbye, you can say that again.
My dad has done the 24/7 care, and I will always be thankful to him for the love that he has shown mum.
I don't know why I am posting this, other than to say please understand if I talk about wanting it to be over, not just for my mum ( though she does not seem unhappy) but for the rest of us, so that we can finally get on and grieve.
Amy
15 years ago I sat at an antenatal appointment and cried, because there was something wrong with my mum's memory, but no-one else seemed bothered.
My mum came to stop when the baby was due but could not follow the midwife's instructions to call an ambulance.
12 years ago I unexpectedly found myself on my own with three children, 4years,3years, and 2 weeks old. My dad took us home, but after 3 days we had to leave as mum could not cope with having children in the house (She had always loved young children.) After that I could only stay when the older two were with their father.
10 years ago I moved to be closer to them; 20 minutes away, a handy distance for dad to drive for an afternoon coffee, and he used to call with mum most days and most weekends for Sunday dinner.
Beginning of 1998, when mum was having difficulty dressing herself, and sundowning, I forced the issue and went to see her GP and then got dad to take her. We saw a neurologist privately, had a brain scan and multi infarcta dementia was diagnosed.
Mum was put on some sort of tranquilizer to stop the sundowning - unfortunately it seemed to stop much of her communication. When she came off the tranquilliser she "chattered" more, but by that time it couldn't be understood.
Mum was a walker, and seems to have spent the last 7 years walking round the house, garden and care home; on a good day smiling, other days just looking very tired.
Last year she started having falls, she'd just fall over - not trip. Then she became very unsteady on her feet. Now it needs two people to support her and sometimes she cannot walk. In January we moved her into a nursing home, and there she is now. Some days she can move her arms, some days she is still smiley, some days all she wants to do is sleep. We feed her and give her drinks. For a third of my life I have watched my mum fade away, and I am tired and wonder for how much longer it can go on.
The long goodbye, you can say that again.
My dad has done the 24/7 care, and I will always be thankful to him for the love that he has shown mum.
I don't know why I am posting this, other than to say please understand if I talk about wanting it to be over, not just for my mum ( though she does not seem unhappy) but for the rest of us, so that we can finally get on and grieve.
Amy