Verbal Aggression

[essex51]

Hi all
Just wondered if anyone else experiences outbursts of verbal aggression that can last nearly all day - generally triggered by something very minor- something out of place, visit from my family. It is becoming increasingly difficult to cope with and I feel very alone when it happens. The following day its almost as if nothing was said. I try not to respond in an aggressive manner and often remove myself from situations or avoid known triggers but my world is becoming increasingly smaller as I tiptoe around my husband who has FTD.
Essex51 x

 

[Sandy]

Hi Essex51,

Welcome to Talking Point (TP).

We did have some periods of verbal aggression from my MIL who is 85 and has Alzheimer's Disease, but in her case, almost all of this disappeared once she was place on Aricept.

Has your husband been placed on any medication, either to treat the FTD or to help calm him down and reduce his aggression?

One of the best web resources that I have found for FTD is this site by the University of California at San Francisco:

http://memory.ucsf.edu/ftd/

Have you tried contacting your local Alzheimer's Society:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200121

Quite a few branches have special sessions/events for younger people with dementia and their carers.

Take care,

 

[Helen33]

Dear Essex51

but my world is becoming increasingly smaller as I tiptoe around my husband who has FTD.

Although my husband doesn't have the aggressive part of FTD, I can relate to my world becoming increasingly smaller because of caring for him with this illness.

In my case, Talking Point has helped enormously because it enables me to stretch my wings so to speak. I can no longer go out as I used to, I can no longer have normal conversations, I can no longer watch t.v. or have the radio on when I would like and I can no longer have people visit or visit other people without having to monitor my husband all the time in these circumstances in case he becomes affected and distressed.

Talking Point enables me to have significant contact and communication. It provides information and support and in the tea room provision is made for a good laugh from time to time.

I hope that you find it helpful and I will look forward to seeing you around.

Love and best wishes

 

[Grannie G]

My husband has Alzheimers but I too have experienced the verbal aggression in the past and it`s not good to live with I know.

With my husband I`m sure it was his way of making a stand to try to hold on to his dignity and independence, as he thought I was taking over his life. At other times I felt it was an expression of fear of what was happening to him as he still has insight into his condition.

However much we understand the reasons, it still doesn`t make it any easier to live with. My husband too would forget all about it while I was still hurting.

 

[leslee]

Hi essex51
My mum is very verbally aggressive and can be so hurtful. She used to be like that with my dad but went quieter for a couple of years. He died 2 months ago and now she's started it again with me. She has just started taking Aricept but keeps losing her medication. Her cpn is coming to see her today because of her behaviour and says that she might give her some other meds to calm her down. I'll let you know

It's difficult to cope with because you know that it's the illness that causes it but continual abuse is so wearing. You just don't know when it's going to spark up next and sometimes seem to come from nowhere. My mum has alzheimer's but her outbursts aren't forgotten the next day she just continues with them and they are often totally irrational and delusional.

 

[lastday]

welcome

i care for lynda,age 61,the agression did stop by a lot on aricept,when it does come back it is usually when i get on with cleaning etc and she feels left out.i now make sure she is wathing a dvd mainly repeats of only fools and horses,dads army,open all hours.easy wathing,and ask her advice on normal every day stuff like what to have to eat etc. even if the reply is you decide.i make sure she always feels involed.we live in central essex and the local az soc is excellent,they are in chelmsford.

 

[essex51]

thanks for your replies. I know the alz society in chelmsford and they are supportive you are right.I guess it all was a bit overwhelming at the weekend and into the begining part of the week. He seems to have settled slightly yesterday. trying to keep a f/t job going and looking after hubbie and elderly parents feels a bit lonely. Up till now I have asked little of my adult children, one who lives with us, as I know they find it difficult to "be with dad" as he will often direct his aggression to them. How have others dealt with thye guilt of not wanting to burden others however feel you need support yourself?

 

[lastday]

priorities

i think you are doing more than can be expected.you are not responsible for every bodies problems.i am not sure if i am handling things properly, but i do know i am doing my very best.
sometimes a few plates have to full,in order for a few to stay in the air. the best advice i have had is..if you were not there they would all have to get on with it,children and all.
i know it is difficult if you are working as well.but take time out foryourself,and take a look at the whole situation as if you were looking down on it and not involed.everyboby ,not you,must do a little bit more, if not the whole lot will colapse.take care.

 

[essex51]

Hi Last day
you are very wise i know if i take myself out of the situation and look down you are entirely right.Don t know why i feel so guilty asking others to help but I have to be stronger - funny i thought i was strong by not asking but quite the reverse. The first thing I am going to do now is tell my sister i cant accompany OUR mum to the hospital tomorrow and she for once will have to step up which will be most unlike her!!!
x

 

[lastday]

not wise

many thanks for saying i am wise,but not me.i have been reading this site for over two years there are people here that have been there and done it.i now know that you grow with the illness.there are many times,at least 5 times a day that i think i cannot cope but i do with the help of this site.having a job makes it so hard for you,the best way forward is baby steps.a little here and a little there.take care of your self

 

[Countryboy]

Hi Essex51 I think verbal aggression is a problem for most active dementia suffers I have Frontal-Lobe-Dementia unfortunately can be very verbal aggressive (but never violent) ok some of us can sit a type letters BUT when in conversation words don’t come easy in my case I swear quite a lot, that’s not nice, and when my wife then tells me not to swear
( hence a trigger) which makes me worse after being married 44 years wife still doesn’t get it, again unfortunately I feel this coming on but can’t hold it back or stop it and yes it can be trigger words I realize people find it unacceptable which make US sort of outcasts in a way well in my case it did and I have been on Aricept for 9½ years

Cheers Tony

 

[mandyp]

I understand why your world is getting smaller.

My Mum no longer talks at all....unless it's to shout abuse/swear at people. We find it's always the same people, my daughter in particular. She constantly shouts and swears at her and a few other people that Dad knows (also random people/children in the street).

Mum is no longer on Aricept as they thought her condition too advanced and didn't think there was any benefit.

She is on anti-psychotic drugs (they were supposed to help with this). Again, it's not made any difference and in light of recent news reports Dad has asked them to take her off them.

Dad is now finding it difficult to go to the shops because of her behaviour, it's very sad. I look after Mum 1 day a week to give Dad a break and we used to take her out somewhere but it's now too hard to take her out. My poor 10 year old is now so thick skinned when it comes to her Gran and I'm constantly amazed at her strength of character. We make jokes out of it to attempt to make her feel better. However it is hurtful as Mum would never have behaved like this.

I wish there was something I could suggest to help, all I do is constantly remind myself of the good times and how excited Mum was at being a Gran.

It's not my Mum any more, it's an illness that's taken over her and changed her. I still believe there's something of her there....if my daughter cries, she will say 'There, there,' with perfect clarity....downside is as soon as she stops Mum calls her a stupic f... a..e!

I would say that you need a break from it, it's such a difficult thing to deal with, hopefully friends and family can help you out a little.

Mandy

 

[larivy]

hi essex51 mum went through a stage of being aggressive but the last few months has changed and is not that aggressive only on the odd occasions when she gets frustrated i dont know if it is a stage they go through or not good luck they dont mean what they say i know its hard though love larivy