Think Mam could be at the end of the road

[Roma]

Hi all

I think my mam could be near the end.

She isn't eating and only drinking very little now and has been like this for a couple of weeks. She's lost so much weight recently. She's also occasionally being sick.

The nursing home rang the doctor to come in and check on her. I told them that I didn't want her going back to hospital if it was an infection as the last time she was admitted she was very distressed. The doctor said the best thing is just TLC and just encourage fluids and food.

I was reading on the internet about kidney failure and she seems to have a lot of the symptoms. Is kidney failure, along with pneumonia one of the main causes of death in end stage dementia?

I just hope and pray that she doesn't continue for too long like this as it's very distressing to see.

Roma x

 

[Vonny]

Hi Roma,

I can't tell you if kidney failure is a common cause of death in dementia sufferers, but many people with dementia don't drink anywhere near enough to keep their kidneys healthy so it could be the case. I'm pretty sure it was lack of fluid which caused my mum's kidneys or bladder to start bleeding.

It is very distressing to see the end stages and I hope that your mum isn't in pain. If you can keep her drinking, even if it is only sips, it would be helpful, and maybe tempt her with some nice puddings which slip down easily.

Wishing you and your mum all the best

Vonny xx

 

[Mameeskye]

Sometimes towards the end in dementia the body "forgets" how to even process the food and drink that is eaten and the hunger reflex goes.

TLC is what is needed and if it is a wee infection with encouragement and support eating and drinking may start again. You just have to ensure it is offered little and often.

For somethings like kidney failure which mum also suffered from in the earlier stages of her dementia loading with fluid can help, if they are able to drink, to kickstart the function...but it can be very difficult to achieve in later stages I believe.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

It isn't easy.

Love

mameeskye

 

[Margaret W]

Hello Roma

Kidney failure is a common cause of death in lots of people, not just those with dementia. The kidneys are very strong organs, but they have a lot of work to do in processing the body's intake of food and drink, and it is true that if not enough fluids pass through the kidneys, they struggle to work properly. If you mum is not drinking enough, it will affect the kidneys.

I am no analyst but I would guess that pneumonia is probably one of the single biggest problems for the elderly. It is basically fluid collecting in the lung that does not clear, and if a person is bed-bound then then there is little chance of it clearing. I don't pretend to know how that eventually causes death, but I have had so many relatives die of it, it seems very common. If you can keep your mum mobile, albeit for only a short time each day, the lungs will drain, but if she is bed-bound that is very difficult to achieve.

Sadly it does sound as if your mam is struggling, so I hope you can resolve it with more fluids and some mobility. My thoughts are with you.

Margaret

Take care

 

[Roma]

Thanks for all your responses.

I'm not sure if my mother is experiencing kidney failure. I think I'm just hoping for something that will end her suffering quickly and maybe I'm just interpreting some of the things I see in her as suffering from kidney failure.

She's now down to 7st 8lbs from the 10st she was at the end of September. She seems to be disappearing before my eyes and it's so traumatic to see.

I can't bear the thought of her going on like this for many more weeks or perhaps months, but I know that unless there's another underlying health problem then it's very likely.

The only thing that keeps me going is that she still knows me most of the time.

Roma

 

[Natashalou]

Roma, your post worries me. ..and so does the docs attitude...your mums symptoms are similar to my mums and the same "wait and see " attitude was taken ...well, we waited and now we see my mum has a "mass" in her abdomen which is probably cancer..I dont want to scare you but it sounds as if some tests and investigations ought to happen and quickly .
take care xx

 

[Roma]

Hi Natashalou

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, it must be very distressing.

Personally, and I can only speak personally here, I would rather not put my mother through any tests or investigations. She gets very distressed from things such as having her BP taken so putting her through any drastic tests would not be in her best interests and possibly unnecessary.

I am coming to terms with the fact that I won't have my mum around for very much longer, although she could go on for months, and I just want to have the time I do have with her to be as stress free as possible.

Even if I did ask for her to be tested and they did find something, would I then want her to be treated for it when the thing that is causing her so much suffering is the dementia itself?

All I can do in the end is hope that the decisions I've made for my mum have been the right ones.

Take care

Roma

 

[Lynne]

Thinking of you Roma - the 'wee small' hours can be very long sometimes. I hope your Mum is peaceful & as comfortable as is possible.

 

[fuchsia]

Hi Roma. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Just wanted to say that if it was my mother I would feel exactly as you do. I wouldn't want to put my mother through the distress of carrying out investigations for something that it's possible they wouldn't be able to help with anyway. Speaking personally, I would far rather I lost my mother sooner from illness, rather than later, from the dementia that would presumably, in time, cause her increased suffering. I realise everyone's feelings are different, but I would far rather be able to look back and feel that the time I had with her was too short, but more special, because she hopefully suffered less than she might have done otherwise.

 

[alfjess]

Roma, your post worries me. ..and so does the docs attitude...your mums symptoms are similar to my mums and the same "wait and see " attitude was taken ...well, we waited and now we see my mum has a "mass" in her abdomen which is probably cancer..I dont want to scare you but it sounds as if some tests and investigations ought to happen and quickly .
take care xx

Hi
When my Mum was admitted to hospital, they also said she had an abdominal mass. She was kept comfortable and passed away a week later. Cause of death on the death cert. Sepsis. Secondary pneunomia.

I have always wandered if the mass was due to the sepsis from the bacteria in her lungs or was it cancer, as in a tumour, which was never discovered until the end.

I guess I should have asked more questions at the time, but again, it wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome.

Sorry to have hi-jacked your thread, but it brought back question to which, I would have liked answers

Hope your Mum improves
Take care
Alfjess

 

[alfjess]

Hi Roma

I agree with you regarding your Mum.

I wouldn't have put my Mum through any invasive investigations.
My attitude is that as long as they are kept, comfortable and pain free and as happy as possible, that is all we can hope for.

Maybe I am premature, but do you know of the Liverpool Care Pathway?

Feel for you
Alfjess

 

[Roma]

Saw my mother yesterday and she seemed slightly better. I'm thinking that maybe I'm jumping the gun thinking she's near the end. It's just so difficult to judge when some days she seems very poorly and others she doesn't seem so bad.

It's such a rollercoaster and my emotions are all over the place.

Maybe this is the way with the end stages and she could go on like this for a long while yet. I suppose I've just got to take each day as it comes, and not try to predict things.

Thanks Alfjess, I have heard of the Liverpool Care Pathway and I imagine that doesn't come into place until the doctor thinks she only has a few days left. Seeing her yesterday I think she's not ready for that and may not be for a while yet.

If this illness has taught me anything it's to always expect the unexpected.


Roma

 

[alfjess]

Hi Roma

I am so glad your Mum doesn'r need The LCP.

Hope she gets well soon
Love
Alfjess