I want my mum back

[Daisydo]

Hi my name is Faye, my mum is 59 And has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers. I have known for sometime that she wasn't herself but prayed it would be something that could be treated and she would get better. I'm now struggling to come to terms with the fact that I'm loosing my mum. I look at her and just want to cry, she was a strong woman but now she looks so frail and weak. I find myself looking at old photos of her, only from a few years ago, wishing she was that person again.
Xx

 

[donkey]

hello love and welcome to tp. you will get loads of help from here, your mum is so young my husband is 54 and can imagine your anguish in watching your mum change before your eyes. have you other family members that can be there for you sending a big hug lynne x

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Faye,

My husband was 56 when he was diagnoised with Alzheimer's.

If we could all have a wish, it would be for them to be there way there were.

Sadly, all we can do it love, care and protect them.

You will find so much support on Talking Point and at your local Alzheimer's Branch.

Best wishes
Christine

 

[Daisydo]

Thanks for listening, it's just seems so unfair that it's happening to people we live while they are still so young. I have a very supportive husband but I still feel like I'm dealing with this on my own. My emotions are everywhere! I'm finding it hard to enjoy my family (I have 3 children) as all I can think about is my mum. I see her everyday but she always asks to go home before the 2 older children come home from school, she finds it too noisy and gets stressed and confused when everyone is talking. I feel like she is missing out but then I'm angry with her for not wanting to see the children.
Thank you for listening, it feels better just writing these things down,
thanks again and I hope you all have a good day!
With love xxxx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

My mother had just turned 64 when she was diagnosed but my sister and I had noticed odd things about her for at least two years prior to that, and we lived 3,000 miles away from her.

I remember sitting on the lawn at work years ago with a work mate, crying and saying "I want my mother back". I still want her back.

 

[rio_stokes]

Hiya,

I can completely relate to what you are saying and what you must be feeling, my mum is also 59 and she got diagnosed 2 years ago. Since then it has been hard watching her turn into someone else but all you can do is continue to love them and care for them no matter how frustrating or hard it is at times.

I also know what you mean about having a supportive partner but still feeling alone, the fact of the matter is she is your mum and its scary and distressing but also frustrating and stressful all at the same time. Trust me you need to use the support network you have in your family because as much as you may feel they don't understand or whatever at times they can look after you which is also very important.

Talking point has been a great help as has our local alzheimer's society, these resources are there for the using and I think you will find them a great help even if its just for venting to people in a similar situation.

x

 

[Rosie]

Hello Faye,
I read your posting & know exactly how you are feeling, when my Mam was diagnosed at 59 my whole life fell apart, I just cried & cried, there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, you will find on TP lots of us have travelled the same journey, my Mam passed away ay 70 yrs young, just a few weeks ago, & although I miss her so much, I am know g relieved that her suffering is over. You will find strength from somewhere, you have to, keep posting on TP, you will get lots support & plenty hugs & love, take care, Rosie x x x

 

[mandyp]

Hi Faye

As you've seen this is not an uncommon feeling amongst the people here.

I can't tell you the number of times I've been in tears wanting my Mum to be back.

Sadly she isn't and never will be, but hold onto the great memories that you have. Brucie once gave me advice, take photos of family with your Mum and keep them, that way you can remember her at better times.

My Mum's decline recently has been very quick and we took photos when it was my daughter's birthday which was only 6 weeks ago and already she's less aware, but we have a few really nice pictures which I'm finding comforting now.

My heart goes out to you as I know exactly what you're going through and wish that all of us could have our loved one's back.

Take care

Mandy

 

[Lucy emme]

I miss my Mum so much.

My Mum has no idea who I am but if I kiss and hug her she responds I feel like my heart is breaking everyday.

Sending love to you all

xxx

 

[sarah123]

Hi everyone,

my name is Sarah, from Dublin. I found this forum which seems really good as I couldn't find a similar one for Ireland. My mum is 55 and was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
She hasn't been herself for many years but me & my sister thought it was undiagnosed depression that just got worse, she would talk about inapproriate things which were clearly upsetting her but made us very uncomfortable and we tried to persuade her to go talk to someone professionally.
My dad worked abroad for around 11 years and retired last Christmas so we were finally able to get her into a hospital where she stayed for 2 months for tests, she's out now and her neurologist has said he's 95% sure it's Alzheimer's after tests & scans.
The hardest part to deal with is that she is not going to get better and will never be herself again. I was so sure it was a psychological problem that could be fixed but to find out it's neurological is so confusing. I don't live at home anymore but am not far away but I don't go home very often as I find it extremely difficult to be around her and I can't be alone with her as she always seems to wait until we are alone together to talk about uncomfortable things. Does this make me a bad person that I cannot bring myself to be around my own mother? I love her because she's my mum but at the same time she's not my mum if that makes sense?
I haven't properly cried yet and I feel like I should be more upset but maybe it just hasn't fully hit me yet as she's been this way for a long time.
I just feel so sorry for my dad too, he lost his father almost a year ago and now this, it seems so unfair.

Sorry to go on for so long but I just need to know that how I feel is not unusual. All my friends & boyfriend are great and are there for me but they don't really understand so it's hard for me to talk to them properly about it.

 

[julieann15]

Dear Sarah
Welcome to TP- sorry you had to seek us out but now you have you will find loads of information on here. Many of us know that when we mention AD to friends and family many do not know what we are going through- until they have "walked the walk" so to speak then most don't understand. There are hundreds on here who post often and get the support that sometimes is so sadly lacking in society.

Please keep reading and posting- we are all here for you
Love Julie xx

 

[sah]

Dear Sarah:
No -you are not a bad person. We all do different things to survive and cope-and sometimes that means withdrawing a bit. The alternative-to deal with the truth-is just too hard at times. Also-I presume-and can see from what you say-that your mum has changed-so you're, in a strange way, keeping away from the 'new' mum-as you want the old one back. Sounds familiar to days I have with husband(diagnosed at 59). It has got easier in that I now see him as the man he is now-and still love him. But I do miss the man I married only three years ago-and loved desperately.It's becoming like I live with my dad-with a few flashbacks!
So-I geuss what I'm saying is-don't punish yourself. It's all 'normal'- and understandable-but people who are not dealing with AD first hand really find it hard to comprehend how we feel. Hope you have some good times with mum in the years ahead- I just go on one day at a time now! Hugs coming your way, Sah.

 

[dood]

Maybe I am just plain ol' clumsy but the view I take and it governs all of the stuff I have to do is:

If I can change it for the better I will change it for the better.

If I can't change it for the better then I will work with it to ensure that the person does not walk that path on their own.

Part of me wants to say that you have not lost anyone really.

All that has happened is that a person you think and emote deeply of has a bit of a battle on his/her hands. It just might be their hour of need?

 

[sarah123]

Thanks everyone.

It really helps to know that there are people out there who understand and that I don't have to try explain it too because it's a hard thing to explain to people without coming across like I can't stand to be around her.
I'm calling home after work to see her but I peobably won't stay that long. She always says she loves to see me which only makes me feel more guilty. I moved out 3 years ago and she's only been to my apartment twice and rings very rarely unless my dad asks her to, but then she'll tell me she's ringing me because she was told to.
Conversations with her can't really be called conversations, she'll talk about things we did when I was very young and seems annoyed when I don't remember them. She never talks about anything current, I started a new job a month and a half ago and she never asks me how it's going, I'm in the process of buying my first house and she's never asked about it. I know it's not her fault but it's upsetting to think that she probably only remembers things from my life from years ago and at a time when I could really use my mum she's not "there".
We went out for a family lunch last weekend and it was like she wasn't there. She only ordered what other people were having, like she couldn't decide for herself and then complained that the food wasn't good. And when the waiter asked did she want still or sparkling water she just sat looking at him like he was talking a foreign language.
I'm finding that I turn to my boyfriends' mum, who is great, for things that I should be turning to my own mum for which again makes me feel guilty.

Sorry again for the long post, but I just really feel the need to get it all out!