Hi,
I'm a new member and not posted before. My Mum is 62 and was diagnised with early onset Alzheimer's 6 months ago. She has had sypmtoms for a couple of years but we had dificulty getting a diagnosis from the GP. She has been on Aricept but it has had no effect and she has declined quickly. I am 35 and live locally so have been the pimary carer, my sister lives in London and comes up often for weekends, my Dad died 8 yrs ago. My Mum lives alone and I have been having to visit more frequently as she has got worse - eventually going every day and often more than once a day which has been difficult to balance with work and my own life, especially as there has been redundancies this year and my job was 'at risk'.
Anyway, Mum was becoming very anxious and depressed at home, retreating from all her previous activities (she is a very active and social person). She wasn't eating properly and was breaking furniture and the telephone on a near daily basis, she also has a doll which she beleives is a child and clings to all the time and talks to. She often told me she was very unhappy at home and just wanted to die, other time though we went out for dinner and day trips and she was happy. She became especially depressed when the DVLA took her driving licence from her (she would still drive locally to the shops). After all my and my siter's visits she would become distressed when I left and phoned me and my sister constantly until she could no longer use the phone. She started to beome violent and hit my uncle once and more recently myself. A couple of weeks ago when I rushed round before work, when the phone was broken, I found her half dressed with the gas on and unlit and the electricity out bcause she had broken a plug socket. I knew then she could never be left alone at all.
Things all came to a head last Monday. I had taken Mum away to Chester for the weekend, which she really loved and we got on famously, surprising given the previous week. I stayed over on the Sunday night as I didn't think she could be left. I don't think she slept at all and came into my room every hour. On two occassions she was totally furious wth me, having thought I had injured her or tried to steal her money. She tried to throw me out of the house, grabbed me and tried to attack me and threatened to get a knife and kill herslef (I'm sure she wouldn't actually have done anything like this but she could have hurt herself in her rage). At one point I had to lock myself in the bathroom. The next day my sister was coming up anyway to visit a care home with me with the hope of getting Mum there somehoe that week - we couldn't even discuss it without her getting cross. In the morning I called the communuty pschiatric nurse and told her what happened in the night, thinking Mum needed medication to calm her down. While my sister and I were out the nurse called us to say that she was going to have Mum sectioned because she was a danger to herself and others. We had to wait around all day and talk to doctors and social workers. In the end Mum went willingly into the ambulance but I was taken away from the scene as I was so distressed.
Mum has now been in an assessment ward in hospital for 10 days and the nurses tell us that although she was undestandbly distressed when she first arrived she is now sleeping well and eating well and engaging with the patients and nurses. Now she feels safe she seems not to be anxious and is not in need of any more medication, although her mental faculties have declined drastically. She is going to move into the care home we found in a week's time and has been telling the nurses how happy she is about this and how worried she is about my sister and I. The manager of the home came to see Mum in hospital and talk about he rmoving there and she got on well with them and was very keen. Unfortunately every time I visit her (the hospital is 1 hrs drive away and I visit every other day) it is a different story. She tells me how unhappy she is there, how it was awful of us to put her in hospital, how she doesn't want to move into the home and how it is all our fault because we weren't there for her when she needed help. She is upset when we haven't been to see her (although I go often) but when I am there I make her distressed and she makes me upset and I don;t know if visits serve any purpose. She is so different with the staff and with me (and my sister and Auntie) and I don't know which is the true Mum or how she truly feels.
Sorry for the long e-mail but this is the first time I have shared this. I feel sad she is in there, guilty for not moving her directly into a home sooner and worried that she will always be cross with me and I won;t have my Mum again. I would be interested to hear from anyone that has gone through a similar situation and hear how they coped, and whether their parents ever forgave them when they went to a home and whether they were able to resume a loving relationship. I spent so much time with Mum and had a very close relationship and I am missing her and hope that we can be friends again.
I'm a new member and not posted before. My Mum is 62 and was diagnised with early onset Alzheimer's 6 months ago. She has had sypmtoms for a couple of years but we had dificulty getting a diagnosis from the GP. She has been on Aricept but it has had no effect and she has declined quickly. I am 35 and live locally so have been the pimary carer, my sister lives in London and comes up often for weekends, my Dad died 8 yrs ago. My Mum lives alone and I have been having to visit more frequently as she has got worse - eventually going every day and often more than once a day which has been difficult to balance with work and my own life, especially as there has been redundancies this year and my job was 'at risk'.
Anyway, Mum was becoming very anxious and depressed at home, retreating from all her previous activities (she is a very active and social person). She wasn't eating properly and was breaking furniture and the telephone on a near daily basis, she also has a doll which she beleives is a child and clings to all the time and talks to. She often told me she was very unhappy at home and just wanted to die, other time though we went out for dinner and day trips and she was happy. She became especially depressed when the DVLA took her driving licence from her (she would still drive locally to the shops). After all my and my siter's visits she would become distressed when I left and phoned me and my sister constantly until she could no longer use the phone. She started to beome violent and hit my uncle once and more recently myself. A couple of weeks ago when I rushed round before work, when the phone was broken, I found her half dressed with the gas on and unlit and the electricity out bcause she had broken a plug socket. I knew then she could never be left alone at all.
Things all came to a head last Monday. I had taken Mum away to Chester for the weekend, which she really loved and we got on famously, surprising given the previous week. I stayed over on the Sunday night as I didn't think she could be left. I don't think she slept at all and came into my room every hour. On two occassions she was totally furious wth me, having thought I had injured her or tried to steal her money. She tried to throw me out of the house, grabbed me and tried to attack me and threatened to get a knife and kill herslef (I'm sure she wouldn't actually have done anything like this but she could have hurt herself in her rage). At one point I had to lock myself in the bathroom. The next day my sister was coming up anyway to visit a care home with me with the hope of getting Mum there somehoe that week - we couldn't even discuss it without her getting cross. In the morning I called the communuty pschiatric nurse and told her what happened in the night, thinking Mum needed medication to calm her down. While my sister and I were out the nurse called us to say that she was going to have Mum sectioned because she was a danger to herself and others. We had to wait around all day and talk to doctors and social workers. In the end Mum went willingly into the ambulance but I was taken away from the scene as I was so distressed.
Mum has now been in an assessment ward in hospital for 10 days and the nurses tell us that although she was undestandbly distressed when she first arrived she is now sleeping well and eating well and engaging with the patients and nurses. Now she feels safe she seems not to be anxious and is not in need of any more medication, although her mental faculties have declined drastically. She is going to move into the care home we found in a week's time and has been telling the nurses how happy she is about this and how worried she is about my sister and I. The manager of the home came to see Mum in hospital and talk about he rmoving there and she got on well with them and was very keen. Unfortunately every time I visit her (the hospital is 1 hrs drive away and I visit every other day) it is a different story. She tells me how unhappy she is there, how it was awful of us to put her in hospital, how she doesn't want to move into the home and how it is all our fault because we weren't there for her when she needed help. She is upset when we haven't been to see her (although I go often) but when I am there I make her distressed and she makes me upset and I don;t know if visits serve any purpose. She is so different with the staff and with me (and my sister and Auntie) and I don't know which is the true Mum or how she truly feels.
Sorry for the long e-mail but this is the first time I have shared this. I feel sad she is in there, guilty for not moving her directly into a home sooner and worried that she will always be cross with me and I won;t have my Mum again. I would be interested to hear from anyone that has gone through a similar situation and hear how they coped, and whether their parents ever forgave them when they went to a home and whether they were able to resume a loving relationship. I spent so much time with Mum and had a very close relationship and I am missing her and hope that we can be friends again.
