Another sad day

[Territa]

Mum asked me who she was this morning, she has never asked that before, I feel choked. A lot of different things are happening with her now. Some strange some not. She has taken to looking at her hands as if they are not her own. She likes them very much and talks to them now and again. Much like she used to talk to the lady in the mirror. She was very energetic and very creative before AD and I don't have a clue what to occupy her with any more. Her attention span is next to zero and her patience has totally gone. Please, if anybody has any ideas, let me know. She likes playing with shiny things and is facinated with zips. I have made her a rummage box. She likes listening to music through headphones for a short time. Her perception is poor but I have arranged for an optician to come out to her to see if something might be done about her sight which is terrible, although hunting for glasses will probably be the next sport of the day. Can someone also give me a hint with what to do about her teeth, I can't get them out. She won't let me help and I don't blame her, I am not the most delecate person on the planet. Sometimes they are to be found in the bed. I don't want her to do without them. She only has the top ones in now and its hard enough for her to eat as it is. Sorry, it's like an mountain of questions and I am rambling. Don't want to think too far ahead. This is ***t and I feel so useless at times.

Terri

 

[susiesue]

She has taken to looking at her hands as if they are not her own.

David has been doing that for a while too - also he shows his hands to me - didn't realise that maybe this was a 'dementia' thing.

Love

 

[Territa]

hands

Hi Susiesue, yes it's strange isn't it. Mum says they are lovely and sits with a smile on her face as she carresses her face with them. She is not relating to them in any "normal" way. She has taken my hand and has solidly refused to let me have it back. A lot of gentle tugging has manged to return it but has annoyed her also. The mind is a very curious place, isn't it.

Terri

 

[gigi]

Hello Territa,

She was very energetic and very creative before AD and I don't have a clue what to occupy her with any more. Her attention span is next to zero

This is just like my husband...sadly all he does now is sit in front of the TV..but he's not really taking in what's going on.
He doesn't seem to need to be occupied any more.., and I've given up trying..as I think a lot of the time I was trying to occupy him in order to ease my own conscience.

As for the teeth.. If someone has an answer I'd be grateful too. I offer Eric a mug with Steradent dissolved in it, at bedtime, and suggest he takes his teeth out to clean them..sometimes he will, sometimes he won't. I'm terrified he'll choke on them when he's asleep, as they don't fit that well any more.

Love xx

 

[Territa]

hi gigi

Maybe that is the real problem. Maybe wanting mum to have more to keep her occupied is more my problem than hers. More to think about

Terri

 

[susiesue]

This is just like my husband...sadly all he does now is sit in front of the TV..but he's not really taking in what's going on.
He doesn't seem to need to be occupied any more.., and I've given up trying..as I think a lot of the time I was trying to occupy him in order to ease my own conscience.

Snap!!! David is exactly the same - he used to be the most active person I knew, always busy, busy! When we worked his motto was always 'we make things happen' - now he just sits in front on the TV, like Eric, and I don't think he has any idea of what is going on - I have run out of ideas of how to occupy him Thanks goodness we have an enormous tree at the end of our garden which is now dropping leaves on a daily basis - raking them up seems to fill up part of each day.......

Love

 

[CYN]

colouring books

you could try children s colouring books,my husband would spend some time doing this

Cynthia x x

 

[shelagh]

Sad Day

Dear Terita, I think the sitting doing nothing is part of the dementia. I'm only in the very early stages but sometimes I will sit for hours just quietly doing nothing and that's never been me.I think it's because the effort of concentration on everything takes so much mental energy I just need that doing nothing time to recharge.I'm fine when I'm in that space and likely to get snappy when someone tries to break into it before I've got my mental energy back
Hope this makeds sense
Shelagh

 

[Izzy]

Dear Terita, I think the sitting doing nothing is part of the dementia. I'm only in the very early stages but sometimes I will sit for hours just quietly doing nothing and that's never been me.I think it's because the effort of concentration on everything takes so much mental energy I just need that doing nothing time to recharge.I'm fine when I'm in that space and likely to get snappy when someone tries to break into it before I've got my mental energy back
Hope this makeds sense
Shelagh

It really does make sense Shelagh. Thank you for posting this. It has made me think a bit more about why Bill sits for hours 'doing nothing' or watching TV or looking out of the window. Izzy x

 

[Territa]

thankyou Shelagh

I think you may be right. Perhaps it is me that is making her more frustrated by talking too much. I will have to put more thought into what I am doing and not asking "are you ok, mum" quite so often. It's hard for her to sort out what is in her head and she finds it difficult at times to put things into words, I suppose me gibbering on is adding to her frustration. If I was her I think I would tell myself to "shut up and give my head a rest". It's a learning curve for us all I think.

Terri

 

[Territa]

thankyou Cynthia

would that she could, mum can't hold anything like that anymore. She has been unable to hold a pen to write or even use cutlery for a while now. But thankyou for your suggestion.

Terri

 

[gigi]

Another thankyou, Shelagh...

I'm only in the very early stages but sometimes I will sit for hours just quietly doing nothing and that's never been me.I think it's because the effort of concentration on everything takes so much mental energy I just need that doing nothing time to recharge.I'm fine when I'm in that space and likely to get snappy when someone tries to break into it before I've got my mental energy back

It's very reassuring from a carer's viewpoint to hear this from Shelagh.

Thanks goodness we have an enormous tree at the end of our garden which is now dropping leaves on a daily basis - raking them up seems to fill up part of each day.......

Hello Sue...I've had trees taken down because at this time of year Eric would see the leaves fall and ..believe me..have anxiety attacks because the leaves were on the lawns and he was unable to do anything about it...he was obsessed about them.

This year he doesn't seem to realise it's autumn...

Love xx

 

[NewKid]

Dear everyone, I am so very sad to read this...... I've been feeling really grouchy about my Mum's CH and the lack of activity - the CH manager said the other day that 'holding hands with other residents and sitting together' could be classed as one. She also says that some residents really object if the TV is turned off. Reading here makes me despair at what we're all up against. My Mum too was always the busy sort. Different things would work for different people though, so the sharing of ideas always welcome? Take care all.

 

[HelenMG]

me too - Thank you Shelagh - and hello Terri

This is indeed a sad yet so informative thread. Thank you so much Shelagh for the insight you give us. I learn from my Dad day by day. "Dont talk" "you're lovely" "help me" . Holding hands is always a great connection as is talking about his Mum and Dad and singing favorite old songs. He is in a nursing home now - and keeping still and not fussing too much is even more important (as he cannot comprehend too much talk and activity going). So often I just sit beside him now and hold and stroke his hands and he strokes mine. I try to shut up when he says "don't talk" - its hard. Yet today he said "no one talks to me" and he often says "I'll go with you". I think it is that there is less one-to-one with him when we are not there.
xx Helen

 

[Grannie G]

We used to have the radio on all day. Now it`s off because Dhiren likes to `sit quietly`.

 

[Perdita]

We used to have the radio on all day. Now it`s off because Dhiren likes to `sit quietly`.

Funny you should mention that, my mum says the tv gets on her nerves.

 

[Grannie G]

Funny you should mention that, my mum says the tv gets on her nerves.

I think it`s due to losing the ability to follow what`s being said.

Slower processing perhaps, speech too fast, music too loud , too many things to have to watch/listen to at the same time.

It`s similar to the inability to be part of a group. Things are all right in a one to one situation but a social group causes drop out.