Mum's ashes

[LesleyMonty]

I am in a bit of a fuddle as to know what to do regarding my late Mum's ashes. My late father was buried at sea as was his wish but it was not the wish of my Mum. We are northern folk from whitby in yorkshire but live in the midlands. Unfortunately after the loss of my dad, I lost my husband five months later, and then 12 months later I lost my sister in 2007 and now have lost my Mum in August 2009
Back to the plot, my late father and mother were both naval people and have connections with a local senior service naval association and i would like to have some of my mum's ashes scattered on their local playing field. there would be a short service. However I took my sister's ashes back home to whitby and wonder whether it is right to split my mothers ashes as to a small amount being scattered as above and the remainder in whitby with my sister. Not sure how I feel about it !!

 

[jenniferpa]

I scattered my mother's ashes off the cliffs in Sussex, as that's where she grew up. I did think about splitting them, bring some of them home with me and putting them under a rose bush or something, but decided that seemed just a trifle odd, although I don't know why. Two years later I am content with my decision (although would have been happier in a way if I could have scattered them in the depths of winter - it's difficult to find a peaceful spot on the South Coast on a sunny Saturday in August).

 

[Vonny]

Hi Lesley,

Difficult decision for you and one which I fortunately don't have at the moment, since pa wants to keep ma's ashes and then when he is gone, sis and I will scatter them together.

I was talking to dad the other day and saying I knew he wanted to be scattered off York walls, preferably when the daffodils were out. It turns out he'd also like to have some of him scattered at Underbank chapel where his parents are buried, possibly some in Scotland because he and mum spent so many holidays there, he has ties with Derbyshire and of course, the beloved walls of York. I'm lucky to have this information up front but it will be a right old job when it comes to it.

What do you think your mum would have wanted? It's just a guess, but being a naval person I guess she would have been used to being away from family and friends and would be quite happy to be in two places at once so to speak, close to old friends and you, and also with your sister.

It is whatever feels "rightest" for you.

Vonny xx

 

[Mameeskye]

Don't worry. Mum died almost 18 months ago now, and we still have her ashes, and will one day get round to scattering them with my Dad, as is my brothers' wish.

Mum had a variety of ideas over time, to be shot off into space, to go in the bay of Naples by Sorrento, to be scattered, to have bits of her scattered all over the place..but it varied and latterly she had said with Dad, where they spent their twilight eyars, looking at the water, by Loch Earn.

But I think that I will keep the box!

I know that she'd understand.

Mameeskye

 

[Norman]

Hi LESLEY
As naval people my feeling is that Mum & Dad should be together,but the decision is of course down to you.
I still have my Peg's ashes,she loved the Lake district, Ullswater in particular,I do too.
I could not leave her up there alone,so I have kept her ashes until mine can go with her.
Norman

 

[Taffy]

Not sure how I feel about it !!

Hi,

It's never easy deciding what to do for the best.

I think it's wise to hang onto your mum's ashes for now.

There will come a time when you will decide what's best and then you'll be comfortable with your choice.

Take Care,

 

[Canadian Joanne]

We split my father's ashes. He originally wanted to have his ashes scattered over the basin of the Richelieu river - by plane, if you don't mind!

So we decided to split the ashes and buried some in the family plot and scattered the rest over the basin but by boat, not plane.

I personally like to have a place to visit so I'm glad we did it this way. We honoured Daddy's wishes and we have something for ourselves.

By the way, we split the ashes ourselves in my sister's dining room. Rather unusual experience, to say the least.

 

[Rosie]

My Mam passed away recently, September 26th, & my Dad has decided to keep my Mam's ashes until he dies, which I am finding difficult to deal with. My relationship with my Father has deteriorated over the years & now I hardly speak to him ( loads of reasons) too many to mention really, so because I dont visit the family home I had nowhere to go to spend time thinking about my Mam, so I have arranged for a memorial ( a rose bush & plaque) at the Crematorium where the ceremony took place, at least I can visit there whenever I want & its a beautiful place, quiet, overlooking a valley so at least I will be able to do that. My father has not taken in to consideration what "we" her children would want, it was all about him when my Mam was alive & its still about him even though my Mam has gone. My Mam wanted to be scattered in a different place to where my Dad wants to be scattered when he dies, but I have no say, nor my brother. I have been so angry over lots things but I am learning to let go a bit because I do not want to turn into someone who is angry & bitter, my lovely husband doesnt deserve that. And im trying to arrange some berevement councilling , hoping it will help, thanks for listening all, luv Rosie x

 

[Grannie G]

Rosie , your idea of a rose bush and plaque at the crematorium is lovely. The rose bush will last and last and I hope it will bring you comfort in the years to come.
You are right not to want to let your dad`s behaviour make you bitter. It is a destructive emotion. xx

 

[LesleyMonty]

Hello again, I was still undecided about Mum's ashes and whilst I would dearly love to have her ashes scattered with my Dad's we had his ashes scattered at sea in Portsmouth (as was his wish but have now decided that Mum should have her wish and go back home. As I am the only member of our family now still alive (having lost my dad, my husband, my sister and my mum all within three years) going backwards and forwards to Portsmouth from the Midlands is a little daunting.

My Mum always wanted to go "home" ie Whitby in North Yorkshire, so this is what I have decided to do. My sister's ashes were also scattered there so she will not be alone. I have a rose planted at home for my Dad (called Mountbatten) as my Dad was a staunch admirer of his and likewise I shall plant a tree for my Mum and my Sister at home so I have something to remember them by. My husband was buried so this is easy for me to deal with and I can go and visit his resting place as and when I feel like it.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m so sorry LesleyMonty you have lost so much in such a short time. xx