Ten years on

[Firecatcher]

Such good news about your elderly dog. Our beloved pets are so important especially in times of ongoing worry and stress.,

 

[Lawson58]

Hi @Lawson58
You said that with the new heart medication your OH now " walks ever so slowly ".
I have various friends taking various medications for heart failure, etc - beta blockers, inhibitors, blood thinners, etc - and they nearly all complain that they now feel much more tired (generally in the legs) than they used to. So maybe this is fairly general for this condition and these medications. However, if they are working and preventing worse, then s much the better.

I think the slow walking is more about the dementia than the heart problems. He has been gradually getting slower for about a year or two and definitely before the new medication. He always complains about feeling ‘soooo tired’ and I haven’t heard that one for a while. He is 84 years old and had heart problems for over 20 years so maybe it’s a culmination of a lot of things.

The new drug has had a side benefit of improving his renal function but his potassium levels have gone up so GP is still tweaking the medication.

 

[Lawson58]

Such good news about your elderly dog. Our beloved pets are so important especially in times of ongoing worry and stress.,

Thank you. I was afraid that I was going to have to make some awful decisions if the tumour had been a real nasty one considering her other problems. It’s so nice to see her playing with the pup and telling him off when he gets too rough.

 

[BeebB]

It’s been ten years since my husband had his cardiac arrest at home. Ten years since I resuscitated him and gave him a few more years of life.

Ten years since I committed to looking after him without knowing what I was really doing, that nobody warns you about that caring is really going to suck the life out of you. Ten years since We got the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. And the everything in between, the nosebleeds, the hernias and the internal bleeds, and the constant warfarin tests. not to mention podiatrist and the dentist, and the caratacts.

Ten years of living my life to accommodate his problems with out a thank you or some sense of appreciation or gratitude…just this is what I need , do it,, not counting the three years before when our marriage selfdestructed with the early signs of dementia.

In other words, I feel I have wasted ten years of my life.. And can’t stand the thought of another year, doing the same. I just can’t reconcile spending another year caring for him when all he thinks about is what goes in his mouth and comes out the other end and his bridge.
,
I understand that I am at burnout but I also realise because he can microwave food and look after his personal hygiene that he is nowhere being considered for care. It’s as simple as the length of time has taken its toll, not all the nonsense and criticisms and paranoia..

I struggle to find the energy to get up and do anything anymore. But he doesn’t understand that. He thinks if he takes the pup for a walk , it will solve everything. He probably couldn’t restrain him anyway and then that becomes one more thing for me to worry about, the pup I mean, not him.

i know that because he is still functioning well even ten years after, that help for me is non existent. His expression of tonights brief discussion was that I was the know it all so there was no discussion to be had was there!

Iam done. I am cooked, I have nowhere to go except where I have already been before.

I have just posted, and just read your words. I am almost exactly in the same position. Your words echo my Situation. The same experiences…in my life too. i know how isolated you must be feeling.

 

[Lawson58]

I have just posted, and just read your words. I am almost exactly in the same position. Your words echo my Situation. The same experiences…in my life too. i know how isolated you must be feeling.

Hi @BeebB ,

I am so sorry that you are in this position. It’s the years that take their toll and the feeling that you have no control over your own life.

Since writing that first post, I have managed to turn things around a little, thinking that while dementia is going to steal my husband’s life, I wasn’t going to let it steal mine. Like everyone else I have no idea of how long this will continue and I just hope that I can keep going as I am now.

It’s an experience I wouldn’t wish on my own worst enemy. Keep on posting. It really helps to let off steam when you need to.

 

[JaxG]

I am so glad your older dog is stable and you will have more quality time with him. As others have said, when going through life as a carer, dogs are such wonderful companions, I really don't know what I would have done without my little furry friend!!
My OH is in respite for a week - I am absolutely exhausted and really don't know how much longer I can live like this. My OH forgets to eat, drink, change clothes, wash - I have to monitor him and plan - having to function as someone else's brain and body is overwhelming and has destroyed my life. Really hoping this does not go on for too much longer.

 

[Lawson58]

I am so glad your older dog is stable and you will have more quality time with him. As others have said, when going through life as a carer, dogs are such wonderful companions, I really don't know what I would have done without my little furry friend!!
My OH is in respite for a week - I am absolutely exhausted and really don't know how much longer I can live like this. My OH forgets to eat, drink, change clothes, wash - I have to monitor him and plan - having to function as someone else's brain and body is overwhelming and has destroyed my life. Really hoping this does not go on for too much longer.

I hope that you manage to get some rest while your husband is in respite. Doing all the things that you currently have to means that you don’t have time to do the things that hold you together as a human being. I guess is that if your husband is in respite, that it may not be too long before you can get him into full time care.

Make sure that you don’t spend this time doing all those things that you think you should do. Take your lovely furry companion for some fun walks and sleep as often as your body tells you to.

 

[JaxG]

I hope that you manage to get some rest while your husband is in respite. Doing all the things that you currently have to means that you don’t have time to do the things that hold you together as a human being. I guess is that if your husband is in respite, that it may not be too long before you can get him into full time care.

Make sure that you don’t spend this time doing all those things that you think you should do. Take your lovely furry companion for some fun walks and sleep as often as your body tells you to.

You are right - I spend so much time running his life and catering to his needs that there is very little time for me. It's impossible to know how long it will be before he will go into full time care, but I think it's going to get worse before it gets better.
I hope you continue to find a way to have some quality of life, it's a struggle for us all.