Is it wrong to give her pudding?

[sue-ree]

My sweet (at the moment)little MIL has been living with us since Christmas. She is 67 this month and was diagnosed 4 years ago. She has always loved her food and used to get frozen meals delivered with the odd dessert. She doesn't do much apart from watch telly and a little walk around the garden, she is a tiny bit round in the middle.
Her cares were brilliant, but didn't let her have any treats and told her that chocolate gave her a headache so she doesn't go near that now they have drummed it into her.
My thing is, that I like to feed her. I give her things like liver & bacon and fish pie and then I have to give her a pudding and a bit of cake with her afternoon cuppa.
It's the guilt of making her leave her home and I keep trying to please her, cause what else has she got, nothing, food is the only thing that keeps her going.
Does it really matter that she's allowed to enjoy food while she can, when she has such a terrible thing happening to her. I guess I want some one to say 'Yes give her cake, it's ok' some day she won't be able to eat at all. Does anyone feel the same or do some of you stick to a strict diet?

 

[Brucie]

I'd think that as long as it is not actively making her health worse [diabetes comes to mind], then give her whatever she wants.

N.B. chocolate is a laxative and that may have been their concern for when they weren't around....

 

[gigi]

Hello sue-ree...

Goodness..were MILs carers really that strict?

As long as MIL isn't diabetic...let her eat cake..

And anything else..that's my opinion!

I certainly don't stop my husband from eating a bit of what he fancies...he doesn't have too many other pleasures in life these days!

Love gigi xx

 

[Squibbs]

Good morning! I am an insulin dependant diabetic myself and can assure you that diet is much more relaxed these days - obviously really sweet things are probably not a good idea but cake and even chocolate eaten in moderate amounts are OK. It is suggested that if you want to give a chocolate it should be after a meal - not all day every day! Why dont you look on a recipe site or the Dibetic Association site for lots of recipes and advice - I have found them very useful. Sue

 

[Softy]

Let her eat what she wants while she can. If it gives you both pleasure its a good thing. You are obviously not going to stuff her full of sugar at every visit. If the home are concerned ask to see her weight chart then you can keep an eye on it.xx

 

[Mameeskye]

My mother was a type 11 diabetic and also had irritable bowel syndrome. However we used to ensure that the got her treats.

Mum was relatively well controlled by medication. Occasionally she went up (most noticeably in her latter stages when one of the carers left a full box of Guylian seashells within her reach!)

Mostly though our decision was to make ehr life happy.

If she is diabetic you can get really good recipe books for whole flour cakes etc. which control the release of sugar more readily into the blood. Also if having sweets do it after a meal with fibre etc as again it slows down release of sugar into the blood.

My decision, with full agreement of the NH staff, was that Mum could eat what she liked. we knew it was so unlikely that she would live long enough to develop complications from the diabetes and would rather she enjoyed herself. I still remember the pleased smile on her face as I fed her chocolate buttons a couple of weeks before she died. There was true pleasure there.

Mameeskye

 

[Sandy]

Hi sue-ree,

Your concern for your MIL and desire to make her as comfortable as possible shines out from your post.

One of the common side effects of dementia can be weight loss, so I would say that as long as she doesn't have any other health issues, calorie-laiden treats are not off the menu.

It's also interesting to note that many people with dementia show a distinct shift in food preferences towards the sweet and of the scale.

As for the chocolate, I have had friends who suffered from migranes and found chocolate to be a trigger. It may be that your MIL had something like that going on or one of the carers was playing amateur medical detective and made the wrong diagnosis.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[Skye]

.
I guess I want some one to say 'Yes give her cake, it's ok'

I'll say, it, Sue!

There are few pleasures left for people with dementia, and those pleasures become steadily fewer.

As long as she's not diabetic, give her what she enjoys. I always take treats to the home for John.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:

I also agree let your MIL have cake and treats (as the others say, subject to other health issues). In my husband's NH they regularly bring round tea and cakes around 3.00 pm. If he chooses teacake for his tea instead of eggs, fish, etc. then that is what they give him. I know they are keeping an eye on his nutrition so my view is 'keep him happy'.

I wonder if the carer was anxious that your Mum would skip her main meal if she were given treats.

It sounds like you are feeding and looking after your MIL in an excellent way.

Love Jan

 

[Amber 5]

I agree, let them have some pleasure in life.

My mum wasn't feeding herself properly a few months ago and as a result, fainted a few times whilst outside on her own (she lives on her own too at the moment). Since then the GP has given her Folic Acid tablets (after a blood test) and my reaction at first was, right she needs leafy green vegetables every day etc. etc. Then we tried Meals on Wheels which only lasted a week, as she didn't enjoy them. Since then, she has taken a shine to the fish and chip shop around the corner and goes there about three times a week! I'm not terribly happy about that, but now my attitude has changed to accept that as long as she is eating something it is good. We try to make sure she always has food in her fridge and Wiltshire Farm frozen foods in her freezer (sometimes they are liked and sometimes not!) As far as deserts and cake goes, she used to always need something sweet to finish a meal off, but that seems to be less so. She would also stock up on chocolate bars and sweets (really far more than was healthy), but that isn't so bad now. Out of the first Wiltshire Farm meals that I ordered for her I found that the puddings all went first!! If a hot balanced meal is put down in front of her she will eat with quite a healthy appetite.

Sorry to waffle on, but I suppose what I'm meaning is that although I know it is actually very important for people with dementia to eat healthily, it is certainly one of my mum's only pleasures left, so I have relaxed my attitude and am very happy to see her looking so much better and eating reasonably well, cakes and all.
Gill

 

[jenniferpa]

I'm with everyone else. I had to be quite firm with my mother's carers about this dessert issue - my feeling is if you get to 89 life IS uncertain and if you want to eat dessert first then that's fine. It was a misplaced desire to ensure that she ate her main course that led to this, but frankly, I found towards the end that boiled eggs and sweet food was really the extent of her interest.

 

[Tender Face]

Hi Sue-Ree

I had the 'Yes it's ok' from not only mum's psycho-geriatrician but also a gastro-enterologist (sp?) a couple of years ago when I confessed she was on a diet of apple turnovers - and I mean nothing BUT apple turnovers ...... then we had the nothing but curry phase ..... then the nothing but pickled cucumber sandwiches .... and in spite of all the home cooked vegetable soups and anything else with any nutritional value I tried to tempt her with ... a case of 'if she will eat, let her have what she wants' ...... (no other known medical condition at that time) ... a case of packing as many calories in as possible - and I guess apple turmovers were quite strong on that nutritional point!!!!!!

Mum, with her swallowing problems, finally ended up on a diet of whisky and ice cream .. no-one quibbled .......and she enjoyed every little sip and taste she could for as long as she could.

All that mattered .......

Love, Karen, x

 

[Luckygirl69]

Hi there. I agree with everyone here and say yes let her eat what she wants. You sound as if you're making sure she has a balanced diet so a treat will not harm. It is important to keep doing things that they enjoy and if food is what reaches MIL and makes her happy then use it x

 

[sue-ree]

Thank you all. I won't feel bad now!

You are all so lovely and it's so nice to read your comments. My MIL lives with us in our family home and is just starting to settle in nicely.One day she will have to go in to a Nursing home.We are a really close young family with three teenagers and I know we won't cope when it gets to the nasty stage. The stress is already making me a bit shaky, but for now we will do as much as we can to keep her here. She is being spoilt and why not, she lived on her own for so long with no company at all.
I do make sure she eats well and we do keep a cupboard space just for 'Granny's treats' so we all don't end up stuffing our faces too! I know she eats a lot more now than when she was still in her own home and she seems happier. She still thinks she is in her own home and I do wish I knew what was going on inside her head with some of the things she comes out with!
I have been reading posts for so long and only now am I starting to write here. It's so wonderful to have so many people here going through the same thing and all so lovely and caring about total strangers. Thank you everyone I'm not going to feel bad feeding her anything in future. She can have her cake and eat it too!xx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Well done , Sue-Ree

Hello Sue-Ree,

If your MIL thinks she is still in her own home then you must be making her feel very good and settled and loved.

I just wanted to say one thing here. Your MIL is only 67. That's really quite young in my eyes. Definitely allow the treats and pretty much anything else she wants to eat; my mum eats loads of fat filled desserts and chocolate and biscuits and creamy breakfasts because she has lost so much weight and her appetite has been reduced for a number of years and the main advice was to get calories into her come what may. However, she is 94,virtually immobile and there are few enough joys with dementia, so why withhold treats?
(She loves chocolate, by the way. And bananas!)


At 67, however, your MIL hopefully will have a number of decades still to live. I'd try and keep the treats regular but balanced with good fresh food at other times; you know the score.. fruit and veg etc. If she can keep active and on her feet, that will be good too. It would be more difficult to maintain mobility if she became seriously overweight. Just a thought. Hope that's not too downbeat.

Kind regards and best wishes,

 

[germain]

Hi Sue-Ree

Just wanted to pick up a point you've made.

Don't assume that your Mum will get to "the nasty stage" -not everyone does. Our Mum like lots of others was in the main very contented and did a very good impression of being a sweet old lady most of the time. She did attempt to thump my sister a couple of times over the years but that was more in the way of a Mum swiping a toddler in total exasperation! (Sis was about 50 at the time !)

On the food side she would eat anything sweet - including fruit smoothies, yoghurts - anything with extra sugar - including roast chicken dinners with sugar sprinkled and mince and Yorkshires with sugar sprinkles !!!!! She wasn't diabetic aand at 85 we thought - why not ???

Good luck - its a very brave thing that you and your family are doing. I wish you all the best

regards
Germain

 

[sue-ree]

Thanks Deborah & Germain,
I think my MIL has been suffering for at least 7 years, but wasn't diagnosed til 2005 when we were called by her bank manager. She had got her accounts in a terrible mess over a long period of time and he thought we should be informed.
I don't know how long she will suffer and it seems slow progressing. But then all of a sudden she goes down hill a bit. I can't see us having her for decades, I'm guessing 5-6 years, but I will keep an eye on her weight. She does come for walks with us at the weekends and strolls around the garden for about 15 mins each morning & afternoon.
Germain, I thought it was a usual symptom of Alzheimer's to get nasty.... I didn't realise.........I do hope she is lucky enough not to. Thanks for your comments, it's good to get another perspective.
xxxxx