2020 arrived with a bang and a UTI...

[Lladro]

New Years day (was it really only yesterday?) really came in with a bang...
This is the very, very short version of events...It started around 9am, after the usual showering and dressing was achieved with even more difficulty and argument than normal (I should have guessed something was up at this stage, but failed to recognise it), OH becomes horrid and off-hand, perfectly horrible towards me, after hitting out with hairbrush and slipper! - turning hostile and eventually coming at me over-hand Psycho style with a screwdriver! (my tools now tidied away)

I called 111 (which I have done on three previous occasions ), went thought the now very familiar rigmarole of answering the "tick-box" questions and finally after pleading with them that all I really needed was the on-call doctor to come and administer a sedative - They sent an ambulance and the Police.

So New Years day, I have visits from two police cars (one with a cocky gun carrying bobby who asked me if I had just had a domestic argument and called them out, I gained the impression that he was not impressed with being diverted to a house call...and the second police car containing the kindest, most understanding police woman I have ever had the good fortune to meet). Then the ambulance with two young paramedics who were very helpful and managed to coax OH to take her medication. Finally at 6pm, an on-call doctor (who I had requested in the first place), who diagnosed a urine infection and gave some antibiotics .
OH managed to keep going until after midnight when she finally sprawled across our bed and fell alseep.
I spent the early hours on the sofa downstairs trying to stop my head spinning from the days' events - Hello 2020!

I think this was Wednesday and I think today is Thursday! - Last Sunday, I was upstairs for about 30 minutes repairing a wardrobe when I heard my name being called by a Male voice downstairs - I came down to find a complete stranger in my kitchen , looking at me with daggers in his eyes - OH had gone out of the house, down the road, found an unsuspecting neigbour and told him that I had thrown her down the drive and across the kitchen floor. This chap was looking at me as if I was the wife-beater from hell. To his eventual credit, after he had spent time talking to my wife, he came and apologised to me for obviously jumping to the wrong conclusion!
So, 2019 ended badly and 2020 started even worst - What I can't quite get my head around is that Monday and Tuesday were ok? Weird. Anyway, today was ok, OH was quite docile and talking nicely to the furniture!
If you hadn't experienced it - you would never believe it!

Onwards...

 

[Olliebeak]

Blimey Lladro! What a nightmare. It’s incredible what effect a UTI can have. I am appalled by the policeman’s attitude and the fact 111saw fit to send them. Have you told your GP how difficult your life is?

As you say - onwards - but do take care of yourself. That sort of day really takes it out of - possibly more than you think it does

 

[Lladro]

HI Olliebeak, yeah, I 'm not really sure how I am still standing at the moment - But I'm ok and looking after myself - thank you.
I have been to the GP and I was a mess, so she now knows how close I have come to not being able to cope. The consultant has prescribed some more medication for my wife, specifically for the psychotic episodes, so I am hoping it will help.

 

[Splashing About]

Omg!! You poor thing. That police officer is appalling. A domestic incident of any sort is not beneath his and he should have some retraining.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Wow. I can believe what I read but I can’t believe what I read either. I hope the medication for your wife brings improvements

 

[Juliematch]

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug back,as you were so kind to send me one.(I really needed it) The first day of 2020 was not good for both of us. I hope all is settled now and you( and me) have a quieter few days . Dad is already on an anti psychotic and it can’t be increased so not sure what’s next.My dads GP won’t give dad lorazepam to calm him but the hospital did so I’m going to get the care home to ask again. Please look after yourself.Do you not have any help? We all carry on, not realising what we are doing to ourselves,as long as our PWD is ok,until Bang ,carers breakdown . I’m glad you have seen your GP.Dont struggle alone and keep posting on here,as there are lovely people that can help with advice.Take care

 

[annielou]

Oh my goodness how absolutely horrendous, scary and upsetting. What an awful time.
Funnily enough my husband just said before I read this, if there are so many people with dementia, and apparently going to be even more as is constantly said in media, then how come people know so little about dealing with it. I know it doesn't affect everyone the same but it does seem like people like the 111 operator and police should have some knowledge about how to at least attempt to deal with things arising from and affecting dementia. It seem a bit of a lucky dip of how treated and dealt with.
I hope the antibiotics work quickly and the anti psychotics help your OH feel and act calmer for both of your sakes x

 

[Lladro]

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug back,as you were so kind to send me one.(I really needed it) The first day of 2020 was not good for both of us. I hope all is settled now and you( and me) have a quieter few days . Dad is already on an anti psychotic and it can’t be increased so not sure what’s next.My dads GP won’t give dad lorazepam to calm him but the hospital did so I’m going to get the care home to ask again. Please look after yourself.Do you not have any help? We all carry on, not realising what we are doing to ourselves,as long as our PWD is ok,until Bang ,carers breakdown . I’m glad you have seen your GP.Dont struggle alone and keep posting on here,as there are lovely people that can help with advice.Take care

Hi, Hugs are good aren't they - even virtual ones! Thank you and everyone else who replied. To answer your question, no, there is only me are far as help is concerned - and you lot out there to console. I think I have come close now twice to breakdown, but I am a tough little person and I do realise when things are getting close, at which stage I seek help from clinical psychologist and doctor (incidentally both of which are ladies, must be something in the female genes regarding empathy, as the male doctors I have encountered have never been so helpful). Thank you all you empathic ladies out there!

 

[Splashing About]

I think I have come close now twice to breakdown, but I am a tough little person and I do realise when things are getting close, at which stage I seek help from clinical psychologist and doctor (incidentally both of which are ladies, must be something in the female genes regarding empathy, as the male doctors I have encountered have never been so helpful). Thank you all you empathic ladies out there!

My Dad is the kindest most empathetic man going whereas my mum has always been of the stiff upper lip persuasion and cross with anyone who didn’t share this. I wonder if male Drs reacted differently to you because you are also male? I’ve never found a difference between genders.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Lladro I know from personal experience how upsetting these psychotic incidents are so feel for you.
It`s hard to believe how damaging a small infection can be in a person with dementia, often where there are not even any recognisable symptoms.
My husband used to go to neighbours asking them to help him get `this woman` out of his house. It got so bad I had to ask the neighbours not to open the door to him.

Lack of empathy between the sexes can happen even in this day and age. One of the practitioners at our opticians is highly regarded by my son and yet my granddaughter, my daughter in law and I find him abrupt and impatient.