We're coping but I'm overwhelmed

[Cat27]

I feel your pain and exhaustion, I hope you have managed to find some time for yourself. Just know you are doing a wonderful thing for your mum even if she doesn’t always realise it. xx

welcome to DTP @Janeysback

 

[Joyt]

I agree totally - there is a side of dementia that is fit for the public gaze, and that is 'living well with dementia' - there is also our side - and that is the truth of it, our side is not fit for the public to know about - they remain in the ignorance of believing that dementia is little more than being forgetful.

There are many many people trying to right this wrong, and until it is righted, I believe that there will never be the help that we, the carers, need in order to continue.......

This is very true.

 

[Joyt]

My husband was diagnosed 3 months ago but we. Have been fighting for a diagnosis for nearly 18 months and I can relate to your post
I am constantly fighting the tears and flip between practice mode and a sense of anger
My husband is only 62 and I’m 56 and in feb I’m having to retire to care for him
We are now at a stage where he just can’t be left his anxiety is so acute
He follows me to the toilet kitchen everywhere !
I know he can’t help it but I’m exhausted
This morning we were up early he was so upset anxious he was hitting his head crying saying he is frightened
No one tells you what to expect or how to manage
The hardest bit is not knowing what is coming next or when how long it will last

I’m so sorry to read this. This was me five years ago. Any help I can give please ask.

 

[Betenoir71]

I feel your pain and exhaustion, I hope you have managed to find some time for yourself. Just know you are doing a wonderful thing for your mum even if she doesn’t always realise it. xx

You are so kind. My brother and I have just helped her up off the floor for the third time in an hour and a half (she is quite rigid and slides off all her chairs). Her rigidity and lack of mobility makes this a hard job, we were worried we would have to get an ambulance. My main fear is that soon we will have to make the decision that we can’t meet her care needs anymore, I am dreading that day so much, but fear it may be soon.
Love to all of you out there, I know so many are experiencing similar traumas too - carers and cared-for alike ❤️

 

[Maytree]

It’s not selfish, but I admit I constantly feel like that. Everyone is entitled to a fulfilling life, but this is hard when caring for a PWD. I care for my mum, I have no social life, my mum gets anxious if I go upstairs for a shower, I have full responsibility for the shopping, but get accused of “abandoning” her for hours (it’s usually a very short time). It’s more stressful at Christmas because there is so much to do when you have to do all the cooking, cleaning, buying all the presents, sending all the cards, if I had a family (ie my own children), maybe less would be expected of me.
I am aware I am ranting, I guess the message I want to give you is please look after yourself, as 1) you are important too and 2) you won’t be any use to anyone if you are do frazzled you can’t function or think straight.
Love and best wishes, xx

I totally agree with the advice given, please look after yourself,from personal experience it got all to much for me this year,I broke down, cos I was running here and there,sandwich generation children grandchildren and elderly father with dementia, love and best wishes too.x

 

[Betenoir71]

This is very true.

I agree wholeheartedly - I work with a tireless campaigner for PWD, who has many friends and colleagues who live well with dementia. The terrible truth is that many people don’t get to live their best life at this stage, as they are diagnosed too late and without support to adjust properly to the diagnosis and get friendship and support from their peers. This is an ideal world that only a few achieve, and it is a postcode lottery until dementia services are properly planned and fully funded