I care for my MIL (89), who has dementia, this I do for my husband, she lives in our annexe which people may say makes it easier but the stress and strain are intense. She is a very difficult person, and lacks any gratuide which is the true self of her coming out, she has 3 other sons living within 10 mins who never visit or ring her and refuse to give any support, can others tell me is this normal behaviour of sons?, I have managed to get her into ageuk 4 days a week, I pay for private Carer for one day to take her out for day for lunch and supervised shopping so that the cleaner (that I pay for), can clean the annexe, and she thinks I’m the worst in the world and hurls abuse at me continually she eats with us 2 meals a week so that no cooking is required at all, we have carers morning and evening for meds prompts as she cannot remember to take otherwise, have been awarded personal care 45 mins also for morning 2 years ago but no capacity for council to deliver still, as she needs prompting to shower daily etc and also has stoma which she is not managing well and which is infected, I do not understand why it is such a struggle to get authorities and medical professionals to deal with the issues especially as we have power of attorney, it is all just so frustrating, has anyone had these problems with care packages?
Caring for mother in law with dementia
- Thread starter Madhatter03
- Start date
Hello @Madhatter03, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience. What you write is common enough so you should get replies.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience. What you write is common enough so you should get replies.
My mother-in-law was self funding and lived on her own. Family members made a decision that they would never care full time for her under any circumstances and she would never live with my husband or his sister. There was a long history of mental health problems with her way before the dementia diagnosis.
I've no experience of council packages as we just organized carers ourselves privately. We had POA for finances and health . But even with private carers,there was often a problem with retaining staff,different carers ,lateness. I found I had to keep on top of the agency all the time. My mother-in-law refused personal care for the 3 years she had carers in. She could wash herself of sorts, but her hair was not washed at all during the 3 years. She was also rude and abusive and we kept her very much at arm's length. No magic answers I'm afraid just empathize
Thank you for your response, my MIL has no means of self funding, we are funding at moment, it is difficult when they refuse personal care as it cannot be forced, if b only she understood we are just doing this for her benefit to enable her to remain in her home, which is all paid for by us, she is far more fortunate than some, until my father in law died in 2015 we never realised how how much he covered for her, I have now given up work so that I can try and ensure she gets washed etc., so shes clean to go to day centre, your input is much appreciated
