My solution

[maryjoan]

For two and a half years I have lived in an increasingly unhappy situation with my partner who has dementia and medical needs.

I still have feelings for him, but there is nothing coming back from him at all.

I find it hugely difficult to be with him 24/7 as I cannot work properly, and I cannot sleep well because of him.

Myself, his family and my family have looked for answers, and been unable to think of any.

Today, I believe I have found the answer!

In a nearby village, is a lovely annexe to let. It is characterful with beams etc and just my cup of tea ( our present home is a modern ish bungalow and not my thing)

I have rented the annexe - its rent is no more than the shop I closed down to care for himself. I intend going there about 4 days a week, to work and give myself some 'me time'. If necessary, I can sleep there too.

This will still be my main home, I will still care for him, see to his needs, look after his life, but I will not be here all the time. For him it will be like me going out to work, but for me it will be a lovely space where I can have it how I want without all his idiosyncratic ways, all the time. I feel I will be able to cope more with the peeing in the bathroom wash basin, the rows of folded toilet paper, the lines of flies he has killed, etc etc etc, if I have my space where I can have the things I want, how I want.

Such a huge relief that you will not believe.

If something dreadful happens to him, I can live there permanently without worry.

whew!! So Pleased !!!

 

[RosettaT]

That's good news for you maryjoan. I'm pleased you have found a haven for yourself. Joy making it your own.

 

[adr1]

So pleased for you, I can hear your relief.

 

[jugglingmum]

I so hope this works out for you.

 

[Guzelle]

So happy for you. I’m glad you have found a solution x

 

[marionq]

This might be an opportunity for you to get SS involved in putting in help to allow you to start backpedaling out of a situation you don’t want to be in.

 

[PalSal]

I am happy you have found a haven.
But I am with Marionq on this. He will not be able to stay alone forever even for short periods of time. ... Perhaps when you find some energy again you can put carers in place to be with him at some point in time if you are not there. Like the girl scouts...you must be prepared. and one step ahead of the situation. You left work to care for him, so who is going to care for him if you are at your haven. It is a progressive...his condition will move forward.

 

[lis66]

So happy for you Maryjoan xx

 

[Agzy]

Haven

That's good news for you maryjoan. I'm pleased you have found a haven for yourself. Joy making it your own.

is the word, amazing thing to do.

 

[rainbowcat]

This sounds fab, glad you've found a workable solution!