New member

[Gillyp]

Hello, I am a new member and would like to introduce myself.
Both my parents in law live with myself and my husband and 25 year old stepson. Mum in law has had Alzheimer's for 7 years now and up to now we have coped but its now getting to much for us. She has her own room in an annex for herself and dad in law (they are married but not been together as a couple for over 30 years) She moved to other side of country until her condition became apparent then we moved her in with us. Dad in law had his own place but due to a mini stroke he also moved in with us and 5 years later is bedridden, doubly incontinent, on 24 hour oxygen and does nothing for himself. He has carers twice a day for his personal care, I do everything else (hubby feeds him twice a day !!)
I have spent time on phone this afternoon to a lovely lady from Dementia people who directed me here and to other possible places who can help and i cried for most of it.
Mum in laws Alzheimer's has now progressed and she now puts anything in her mouth including poo.
She continually has a bad stomach. Yesterday I changed her and her bedding 4 times, I stink as does her room.
I am very tired and cry alot. I am going to visit my mum on saturday for a week to give my younger sister a break from all she does for mum. Mum has untreatable Breast Cancer and on monday we get her results from her biopsy for possible tongue cancer too. (drs 99% convinced she has this)
Sorry I waffled I just need to know there are others in same situation and I am not being a stress head.
Thank you in advance

 

[Shedrech]

my goodness @Gillyp what a lot you and your family have to contend with
a warm welcome to DTP, it's a good place to share whatever is on your mind with folk who understand

quite honestly, I don't understand how you even have the energy to type a post ... you need support

you say you have some home care visits, but it sounds as though you need much more .... has there been a recent assessment of each of your parent's care needs by the Local Authority Adult Services ... to me you need more home care visits, some respite and maybe time at day care for your mother in law ... in fact, maybe it's time to consider residential care

Was the person you spoke with an Admiral Nurse ... if not do contact them as they are there to support the carer
https://www.dementiauk.org/

and keep posting here now you've found us

 

[LynneMcV]

Oh my goodness, you have so much going on @Gillyp - no wonder you are so tearful. You must be at your wit's end with all the worry and fatigue

I echo what @Shedrech has said - it really does sound like you and your parents-in-law need more care support than you are currently receiving - and definitely some respite at the very least.

Please keep posting, I found this forum a huge support when I was going through the more harrowing times of caring - and I know members will be here for you too.

 

[nellbelles]

@Gillyp welcome and I’m glad you found the forum
I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters you certainly cannot continue like this and you need assessments more care and support.
I’m sorry to read about your Mum I hope she has the support of a good Maxillofacial consultant and that she gets the support she needs
I hop you will continue to post now you have found the forum.

 

[Andrew_McP]

One of the "great" things about this place is that no matter how badly things are going for me, I only have to lurk here for a while and I soon find folk who make me feel like a total fraud with nothing to complain about whatsoever.

Tonight, you have the dubious honour of being the person that makes me count my blessings! So thanks. Though obviously I'd rather life was much, much easier for you. It will get easier. You will get through this. But sometimes you have to dig deeper than you ever thought possible and reach out for more help than you ever thought you'd need. It sounds to me like it's time to hand over the full time care of at least one of your in-laws. Otherwise you'll end up capable of looking after nobody, including yourself.

It's a windy, chilly autumnal night here. On nights like this, with winter looming and the central heating starting to whirr away, it can be hard to be optimistic. But the advantage of having a really, really bad time is that it's very easy for things to get a little bit better. It just sometimes takes longer than you'd ever want for that to happen.

I hope it happens for you soon. Take care.

 

[Woo2]

Hi @Gillyp , wow how are you still standing ! You have an enormous amount of work , stress on your plate , I agree with the others completely , I hope you can get some more help as soon as .

 

[Bikerbeth]

@Gillyp I too hope you find additional support soon. As @Andrew_McP says he feels like a fraud, me too when I read posts like yours. Sorry I cannot provide any real advice or useful help. I hope you have some quality time with your Mum in such a sad circumstance

 

[lis66]

Oh Gillyp I feel so guilty moaning about what I have to contend with but your situation is much worse than mine ,sending big hugs to you and so sorry about your mum take care and keep posting xxx