What do I do?

[Denison]

We have been married for 51 years, had a very close relationship but now Symantec variant of Alzheimer's has changed all that.

I now do the shopping, cooking, washing etc, get help with cleaning but try to maintain a normal life as possible but it is getting increasingly stressful for us both.

Her symptoms have progressed and I find it difficult to understand her speech or writing – so I guess and usually get it wrong. She imagines people in the house and misinterpret shapes and shadows into objects.

She needs help in dressing or anything that requires mental manipulation and will lose concentration. I try to help and reassure but there is increasing resentment and refusal to allow me. She is very tearful. frustrated and angry with me but I don't how to help. I am finding it very difficult and sometimes snapback and immediately regret it.

We have two sons and 4 grandchildren whom we see every couple of weeks, but thats not easy.

She understands her condition is progressive but fights against it.

I am losing my loved one, slowly but surely. How can I best help? I cannot make her better so what can I do?

 

[Grahamstown]

We have been married for 51 years, had a very close relationship but now Symantec variant of Alzheimer's has changed all that.

I now do the shopping, cooking, washing etc, get help with cleaning but try to maintain a normal life as possible but it is getting increasingly stressful for us both.

Her symptoms have progressed and I find it difficult to understand her speech or writing – so I guess and usually get it wrong. She imagines people in the house and misinterpret shapes and shadows into objects.

She needs help in dressing or anything that requires mental manipulation and will lose concentration. I try to help and reassure but there is increasing resentment and refusal to allow me. She is very tearful. frustrated and angry with me but I don't how to help. I am finding it very difficult and sometimes snapback and immediately regret it.

We have two sons and 4 grandchildren whom we see every couple of weeks, but thats not easy.

She understands her condition is progressive but fights against it.

I am losing my loved one, slowly but surely. How can I best help? I cannot make her better so what can I do?

I am so sorry to hear about your wife especially because I am in a similar position, no longer having my lifelong companion of 54 years by my side in life. I try to follow the advice about communicating with people with dementia which I am sure one of the advisors will be able to post but I just wanted to send a message of support. I use a white board and print messages on it, a slightly larger than A4 size with a black pen easily washed out, a couple of £ from an odds and ends shop. Can your wife print messages which are easier to read? I get exasperated even now but it has got easier, so it’s worth asking questions all the time because someone may be able to answer your question. Keep posting and reading, it saved my sanity many times.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Denison.

I’m so sorry to read of your wife’s condition. It’s heartbreaking. @Grahamstown mentioned advice about communicating with people with dementia. I believe this is the link she refers to =

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

I hope you continue to post here as I know you will get lots of help and support.

 

[pevensey]

We have been married for 51 years, had a very close relationship but now Symantec variant of Alzheimer's has changed all that.

I now do the shopping, cooking, washing etc, get help with cleaning but try to maintain a normal life as possible but it is getting increasingly stressful for us both.
You have come to the right place Denison, as everybody on here are so supportive and full of information so much so that coming on here after I've had a bad day makes me feel I'm not alone on this long long awful road.I know how you feel and don't know what to do, it's the most devastating illness there is. But please keep posting on here even a little note to say how your day has been, there is always someone on here who is listening to you. I've been with my husband 59 years and married for 57nyrs. Now hes got vascular dementia and life is a nightmare, so difficult, physically and mentally, when everything and anything to do with the house is the carers responsabilty and that's without the stress of caring for your partner, so yes its heartbreaking, and exhausting BUT SUDDENLY out of the blue I have a good day, hubby seems to be talking easier, hes happier and even smiles, I don't know where it all comes from and it doesn't happen often but when it does it's like the old days, just wish it happend more often lol. Take care Denison, look after yourself and remember you have lots of friends on TP
Her symptoms have progressed and I find it difficult to understand her speech or writing – so I guess and usually get it wrong. She imagines people in the house and misinterpret shapes and shadows into objects.

She needs help in dressing or anything that requires mental manipulation and will lose concentration. I try to help and reassure but there is increasing resentment and refusal to allow me. She is very tearful. frustrated and angry with me but I don't how to help. I am finding it very difficult and sometimes snapback and immediately regret it.

We have two sons and 4 grandchildren whom we see every couple of weeks, but thats not easy.

She understands her condition is progressive but fights against it.

I am losing my loved one, slowly but surely. How can I best help? I cannot make her better so what can I do?

 

[wightdancer]

We have been married for 51 years, had a very close relationship but now Symantec variant of Alzheimer's has changed all that.

I now do the shopping, cooking, washing etc, get help with cleaning but try to maintain a normal life as possible but it is getting increasingly stressful for us both.

Her symptoms have progressed and I find it difficult to understand her speech or writing – so I guess and usually get it wrong. She imagines people in the house and misinterpret shapes and shadows into objects.

She needs help in dressing or anything that requires mental manipulation and will lose concentration. I try to help and reassure but there is increasing resentment and refusal to allow me. She is very tearful. frustrated and angry with me but I don't how to help. I am finding it very difficult and sometimes snapback and immediately regret it.

We have two sons and 4 grandchildren whom we see every couple of weeks, but thats not easy.

She understands her condition is progressive but fights against it.

I am losing my loved one, slowly but surely. How can I best help? I cannot make her better so what can I do?

Hi

We have been married for 51 years, had a very close relationship but now Symantec variant of Alzheimer's has changed all that.

I now do the shopping, cooking, washing etc, get help with cleaning but try to maintain a normal life as possible but it is getting increasingly stressful for us both.

Her symptoms have progressed and I find it difficult to understand her speech or writing – so I guess and usually get it wrong. She imagines people in the house and misinterpret shapes and shadows into objects.

She needs help in dressing or anything that requires mental manipulation and will lose concentration. I try to help and reassure but there is increasing resentment and refusal to allow me. She is very tearful. frustrated and angry with me but I don't how to help. I am finding it very difficult and sometimes snapback and immediately regret it.

We have two sons and 4 grandchildren whom we see every couple of weeks, but thats not easy.

She understands her condition is progressive but fights against it.

I am losing my loved one, slowly but surely. How can I best help? I cannot make her better so what can I do?

 

[RosettaT]

Some of the best advice I read on this forum and it worked for us was to constantly reassure. I tell him I love him a dozen times a day, little touches of this hand as I walked passed etc, reiterating everything was in hand and I have his back. I speak to him in the same way I have always done, (tho' I keep sentences as short as possible) as tho' he can understand every word and I have to be honest, I do believe he understands more than you would think he does if you sat and spoke to him.
I keep him as calm as possible, he loves his WWII films so if they are noisy I turn the volume down, and I always present a calm, placid and smiley face.... then go into the garage and scream!

On the whole we have relatively pleasant days. I hope you find what works best for you.

 

[Vintagegal13]

Some of the best advice I read on this forum and it worked for us was to constantly reassure. I tell him I love him a dozen times a day, little touches of this hand as I walked passed etc, reiterating everything was in hand and I have his back. I speak to him in the same way I have always done, (tho' I keep sentences as short as possible) as tho' he can understand every word and I have to be honest, I do believe he understands more than you would think he does if you sat and spoke to him.
I keep him as calm as possible, he loves his WWII films so if they are noisy I turn the volume down, and I always present a calm, placid and smiley face.... then go into the garage and scream!

On the whole we have relatively pleasant days. I hope you find what works best for you.

 

[Vintagegal13]

I am so sorry that your Wife and yourself are going through this. My late Mum had hallucinations too, people on the roof, children, cats, etc and much more, and eventually (trial and error) found that disagreeing with her was the worst thing I could have done. I learned to either tell her yes, they were real to her, but I couldn't see them, or telling her I would sort it out and ask them to go away. Do they distress your wife at all?

Another thing that helped was to make Mum feel useful - folding tea towels/hankies, sorting socks into pairs, telling me who people were in old photos, and asking questions about these people, and maybe looking at books together of her interests, maybe local history to your area, as in do you remember..etc. Maybe obtaining a book of the fashions of her youth and looking through them together.

 

[Roseleigh]

Some of you are amazing what you do for your PWD. You truly deserve medals/honours, more than many who are given them, unsung heroes, and I wish I had half your patience!

 

[Bikerbeth]

Some of you are amazing what you do for your PWD. You truly deserve medals/honours, more than many who are given them, unsung heroes, and I wish I had half your patience!

I totally agree- I was thinking that the other day too