Hello my mother is 93 and in a care home. She has family members on speed dial on her personal phone and calls us repeatedly, leaving ever more unpleasant messages if we are not available - often ten minutes after speaking with her. We call her regularly and she is always happy and pleasant when receiving calls but believes that we are all deliberately ignoring her when she calls us if we don't respond. It can happen 20 times a day and I'm at my wits end. She denies doing it when asked and says she knows we are busy. Does anyone else know of a similar situation or have advice please. I want to ask for her phone to receive calls only but am I denying her a basic right if I do this?
Dementia and using the phone
- Thread starter Ange1
- Start date
Hi @Ange1 , I have no experience of this but I would say yes do it, you have to do what’s best for you and constantly receiving calls isn’t good, it probably upsets mum when she can’t get hold of you so you would be making her less distressed by taking that function away . Sure other more experienced members will be along soon with good advice .
Hello and welcome to the forum.
If you are happy that your mother is well cared for in the CH, and that they would contact you if a problem arose, would it have a detrimental effect if you were to block her number from your phone?
If you are happy that your mother is well cared for in the CH, and that they would contact you if a problem arose, would it have a detrimental effect if you were to block her number from your phone?
I agree with the above. If she still enjoys getting calls, them perhaps "losing" the phone, so she can't keep making calls, is a step too far, but blocking might be good.
Just a word of caution, my Dad, who doesn't have dementia but is 80, is an enthusiastic user of BT call blocker. Great initially, until he blocked (repeatedly) me and my sister and then got upset because "we never call". I can see in this case you would be the one doing the blocking, but just a slight caution....
I think in a CH, depending on the personal level of capacity, phones can be a bit more trouble than they are worth....
Just a word of caution, my Dad, who doesn't have dementia but is 80, is an enthusiastic user of BT call blocker. Great initially, until he blocked (repeatedly) me and my sister and then got upset because "we never call". I can see in this case you would be the one doing the blocking, but just a slight caution....
I think in a CH, depending on the personal level of capacity, phones can be a bit more trouble than they are worth....
My mum never had a mobile so this was never a problem, but my MIL (vas dem) did and it caused no end of problems with her phoning people up night and day and leaving nasty messages - she phoned up OH 30 times in an hour once when he was ill! Eventually the phone got "broken" (I think the SIM got removed 
) and got taken away to be "repaired".................
) and got taken away to be "repaired".................I agree
What would you do if it was something other than a phone? Let's imagine that she is fit enough to climb out of the bedroom window 20 times a day. You would soon do something to make sure that the window couldn't be opened far enough to allow this. Finding a way to prevent her from using a phone to pester other people and leave unpleasant messages is not taking away a basic right but taking appropriate action to deal with an intolerable situation. You know her best, but to me I can't see the need for her to have a phone (or at least one that works) when she is in a care home.
