My husband has alzheimers & is getting a lot worse recently. He is convinced we have moved house. He keeps asking have we cleared the old house (we've lived here 37yrs) Are we going home or staying overnight etc etc. I try to go along with him, but he'll throw in a trick question. I have answered I didn't know about that, sorry. He is far worse in the evenings, especially if he has been dozing which he won't admit too. Sometimes I don't get to bed until 9am as I try to waken him but he says he's watching T.V. even though it's not on. It's so difficult to get him to bed. The other night he went up before me but was dressed to go out, he thought it was morning. It was 1:30am. I don't know how to respond at the moment. Thing is, the next morning he said sorry for being so confused the night before. He remembered he got dressed to go out. I just don't understand it. Most times I can cope, today I'm so tired.
How do I respond?
- Thread starter Jossy
- Start date
Hello @Jossy and welcome to the Dementia Talking Point forum. I'm so sorry to read of your situation. No wonder you're tired.
I wondered if you had any help with looking after your husband. Has he had an assessment of his needs? If not this factsheet will give you more information -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/dementia-care-needs-assessment
The 'wanting to go home' sounds very much like sundowning. My mum used to sundown every evening around the same time and always wanted to go 'home'. I know how difficult that is to deal with. There are some tips on managing sundowning in this factsheet -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms/sundowning
I'm sorry to bombard you with factsheets following your first post but I found these helpful myself. Please keep visiting here. I know you will find lots of help and support on the forum.
I wondered if you had any help with looking after your husband. Has he had an assessment of his needs? If not this factsheet will give you more information -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/dementia-care-needs-assessment
The 'wanting to go home' sounds very much like sundowning. My mum used to sundown every evening around the same time and always wanted to go 'home'. I know how difficult that is to deal with. There are some tips on managing sundowning in this factsheet -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms/sundowning
I'm sorry to bombard you with factsheets following your first post but I found these helpful myself. Please keep visiting here. I know you will find lots of help and support on the forum.
hello @Jossy
a warm welcome from me too
I think you're absolutely right to go along with whatever seems real for your husband ... though I know what you mean about the trick questions, dad caught me out a few times and I quickly covered by apologising, saying I must have been daydreaming and misunderstood, silly me
do have a chat with your GP as some meds may help your husband settle and the GP needs to know that things are difficult for you
a care needs assessment may mean a care package will be suggested, maybe some time at a day care centre would be good for your husband and give you a much needed break
a warm welcome from me too
I think you're absolutely right to go along with whatever seems real for your husband ... though I know what you mean about the trick questions, dad caught me out a few times and I quickly covered by apologising, saying I must have been daydreaming and misunderstood, silly me
do have a chat with your GP as some meds may help your husband settle and the GP needs to know that things are difficult for you
a care needs assessment may mean a care package will be suggested, maybe some time at a day care centre would be good for your husband and give you a much needed break
Hi @Jossy also might sound simple but in this really hot weather is there any chance he could be dehydrated which can make things worse? This is always the case with my Dad. He went sleep on the sofa tonight and was adamant he hadn’t, he also woke up with such a vacant look in his eyes.
Obviously this isn’t a long term fix but just something to keep an eye on especially in the summer
Sorry I can’t be of more help
Obviously this isn’t a long term fix but just something to keep an eye on especially in the summer
Sorry I can’t be of more help
Thank you for your reply. I'm trying to get my Husband to go to bed at 9am to 'watch' T.V. in bed, then if he falls asleep at least he'll already be in bed. I haven't succeeded so far, but I'll keep trying!
Another thing I find difficult is getting out the house to go for appts etc. He takes hours in the bathroom. I never seem to go anywhere unless I'm rushing at the last minute to be on time.
Another thing I find difficult is getting out the house to go for appts etc. He takes hours in the bathroom. I never seem to go anywhere unless I'm rushing at the last minute to be on time.
The picture is just the same for my husband. His body clock is all over the place, he is still not up and it’s nearly midday, he will doze in the afternoon and goes to bed at least six to ten times all evening. He is hardly going out of the house but only a few weeks ago went for a walk. I virtually ignore him and grunt because he doesn’t remember anything anyway about any reply. I just let him come and go saying the same thing every time and it just washes over me most of the time, although I do get exasperated with him sometimes. We now have separate bedrooms and I sleep well most of the time. He probably gets up and down to the toilet but he is safe so far. I don’t look ahead, just day at a time because every day is different but the same!
P.S. he also has a tv in his room which he messes about with it but he still wants to come and watch with me, has no idea what is happening, asks questions, stays a few minutes and then asks if he can go to bed as if for the first time, over and over again.
P.S. he also has a tv in his room which he messes about with it but he still wants to come and watch with me, has no idea what is happening, asks questions, stays a few minutes and then asks if he can go to bed as if for the first time, over and over again.
Hi Jossy, my husband had the same problems and issues and it is exhausting. The Dementia Nurse arranged for him to have Zopiclone at night. I only give it to him if he is agitated and heading towards a bad night. It helps and he sleeps for a few hours and it means I can get a good sleep as well. I hope things improve for you. Sending love and good wishes.
