Are we expecting too much?

[Tricia57]

Hi My Father has been suffering from vascular dementia for the past 2 years and reluctantly my Mother has now had to place my Father into a dementia care home. After various trips back and forth to hospital he is now living full time at the care home. He has fallen several times, sleeps in his chair at night and refuses to let the nurses change or dress him. They have told us that they cannot force him to do anything that he does not want them to do. One nurse even thought that when visiting , in the afternoon, we should tell him to go to bed at night. We feel that his standard of care does not warrant the £700 per week my Mother is currently having to pay plus £100 from the gov. Should we expect more from the nursing staff, should they be coaxing him into letting them help him more than they do? Has anyone else gone through similar issues like we are going through?

Regards T

 

[May]

Hello Tricia....

welcome to TP.

They have told us that they cannot force him to do anything that he does not want them to do.

This is true, but I would expect that if the home is an EMI, they would have caring and coping strategies to try and encourage your Father to go to bed/change his clothes/take medication.

One nurse even thought that when visiting , in the afternoon, we should tell him to go to bed at night

May be you and your Mother could have a discussion with the manager re what they think you could do to help the current situation? I suppose what I'm saying is, try to 'get them on side', we have found that this works well at my Mum's home and has created a 'partnership' between us and them which results in good care and communication.

We feel that his standard of care does not warrant the £700 per week my Mother is currently having to pay plus £100 from the gov.

I can understand that and if all else fails and you are still unhappy with your Father's care, you may have to consider a move for him. How long has he been at the home? Could the problems you are having be the result of him settling in?

Do hope you get a conclusion on this, it's terribly difficult when our loved ones go in to care, I think the phrase that I would use is 'damn if you do, damn if you don't...

Take care and let us know how things go with you.

 

[DianeB]

Tricia I don't have answers but if this were my Mum I would feel the same. It sounds like they are leaving Dad to his own devices, but saying that have you spoken to them to see what tactics they have or are trying. I don't think they can force anybody to do anything otherwise it would come under assult, unless they were posing a risk to themselves or others, but I could be wrong here.

With regards to his falls, do you know what time of day these are happening and what risk assesments they have done? Whilst i know at times it is impossible to prevent a fall as long as a risk assesment has been done then there is little more a care home can do. I know my own Mums home have done risk assesments for Mum and there are preventative measures taken at night when she mainly has these falls ...eg a sensor mat and high padded sides on her bed.

It is worrying though that Dad is sleeping in a chair, there could be a few reasons, maybe the matteress isn't comfortable, the pillows don't feel right, or just down to him making an issue on the fact he is not settled there. What would Dad do if they removed the chair at night?

Also the issue of dressing, could this be down to female nurses wanting to help him, would be be better with a male nurse?
I think there are alot of issues here that really need discussing with the care home manager, and I think this must be your first port of action.

 

[Tricia57]

Many thanks for your thoughts. Mum and her Sister went to have a meeting at the care home to-day. I have not spoken to her properly yet to discuss the outcome.

Your comments on settling in come up quite often hopefully this will He will settle in over time.

Regards Tricia