Hi, mum has recently celebrated her 90th birthday and has now been in her care home for nearly a fortnight. It is a lovely place, local to me and the staff are kind and caring.Before going in mum had been attending day care twice a week so her surroundings were somewhat familiar and more importantly the staff already knew her. I have just returned from my fourth visit and I know it's early days but she is very cross and agitated with me for 'leaving ' her there and thinks that it's 'disgusting' and that 'I should know better'. She is unable to understand that she is no longer able to live safely by herself and wants to know why she is there when she has a perfectly good house nearby. Visits are strained and I seem to inflame the situation as I'm told by the staff that she is settling quite well. I'm finding these visits very stressful and upsetting and still have that awful feeling of guilt for placing her there in the first place. I have cared for mum for the past 10 years in her own home with carers as well as bringing up my own family and working and know that this is the right thing but I am struggling to see it like that. I have a brother and sister who live a long way away so are unable to visit and I'm not sure they are able to realise the full emotional impact this is having on me as they have not been that involved in her care and are somewhat distanced from it.
Any ideas as to how I can approach these visits to make them less stressful? When do you stop feeling guilty?
Any ideas as to how I can approach these visits to make them less stressful? When do you stop feeling guilty?