I don’t know what to say or do!!!!

[Lady M]

OHcomplaining that ‘why is nobody doing anything’ ?’ Why isn’t the doctor doing some things?’
‘Nobody is helping him! ‘’ If ‘they don’t see him how will they know when he is better?’
It is so difficult!!!
I have explained that he had the stroke( in case he doesn’t remember, I have reminded the the physio has tried to help, that all the ‘things’ (wheelchairs, pressure cushion, frame, rotaunder, special sheets, and the profiling bed our sons purchased for him ) are to aid him .........I did explain that the memory nurse told him he has dementia".........now ten minute s later he is saying “ see how I am in the morning I might walk round to the shops!!!!
Bless him, he can only stand and transfer with two carers!!!
I just don’t know what to say or do!!!!!

 

[karaokePete]

I would advise taking the lead from your OH.

Explaining and reminding won't work. Divert with "We'll see how you are in the morning", and keep repeating that every day. He has as much as told you that he will accept that so it may work.

Good luck.

 

[maryjoan]

OHcomplaining that ‘why is nobody doing anything’ ?’ Why isn’t the doctor doing some things?’
‘Nobody is helping him! ‘’ If ‘they don’t see him how will they know when he is better?’
It is so difficult!!!
I have explained that he had the stroke( in case he doesn’t remember, I have reminded the the physio has tried to help, that all the ‘things’ (wheelchairs, pressure cushion, frame, rotaunder, special sheets, and the profiling bed our sons purchased for him ) are to aid him .........I did explain that the memory nurse told him he has dementia".........now ten minute s later he is saying “ see how I am in the morning I might walk round to the shops!!!!
Bless him, he can only stand and transfer with two carers!!!
I just don’t know what to say or do!!!!!

I agree with @karaokePete - and it is the hardest thing to suspend all our 'normal' ways of thinking and rationalising things in order to use communication in an entirely different way, a way that suits the mindset of a PWD.
I am minded that it is almost like communicating with small children - we speak to a child in a way they understand, even if it is not 'our' way. On TP I have seen it referred to as 'love lies' not exactly untruths, but a variation of the truth that the PWD can accept.

 

[Maryland]

I agree with @karaokePete - and it is the hardest thing to suspend all our 'normal' ways of thinking and rationalising things in order to use communication in an entirely different way, a way that suits the mindset of a PWD.
I am minded that it is almost like communicating with small children - we speak to a child in a way they understand, even if it is not 'our' way. On TP I have seen it referred to as 'love lies' not exactly untruths, but a variation of the truth that the PWD can accept.

Hi Lady M - how are you today. Wasn’t on this s site yesterday as I had a visit from the carer assessor who was really really good and I feel a lot better in myself if what arrangements they would put in place if anyth8ng happened to me and I couldn’t look after my OH . My son lives in the States and my daughter has an autistic son so she has her hands tied as well. But just wondered if you were ok today x

 

[Lady M]

Hi Lady M - how are you today. Wasn’t on this s site yesterday as I had a visit from the carer assessor who was really really good and I feel a lot better in myself if what arrangements they would put in place if anyth8ng happened to me and I couldn’t look after my OH . My son lives in the States and my daughter has an autistic son so she has her hands tied as well. But just wondered if you were ok today x

Hi there, thanks for asking, and it seems silly to say I don’t really know how I feel!
I spoke to staff member where we live today, and said I feel I am grieving!
I am sad because of how cruel and awful life must be for OH. His loss of mobility means he is dependant at all times on others,,,,,so sad.
I grieve because of loneliness, support , love and empathy.
And tonight the simple putting the clocks forward!!!!!! never my ‘job’..and that made me sadder.
I grieve for happier days and times and I am sad that I am finding that it is harder and harder to remember,
I am so consumed with the here and nowI can’t seem to remember the good times and that’s so sad.
Hoping to go to family afternoon tea for Mothering Sunday.........see how OH is...and if the taxi that can take the wheelchairis available !
Glad that you’re feeling a little better and that the assessment was a good experience! Hoping it will lead to some support , in whatever fashion is needed.
I didn’t know you’re family were scattered and had their own difficulties, that must be quite hard for you.
We are all needing the support of others, thankfully here onTP especially!
Wishing you a peaceful night and sending best regards.x