Mum is 83 and was dx with mixed dementia in Nov 2017. I'd been staying with her and looking after her at home since Feb 2015 (she also has severe COPD). In Oct 2018 after having been in hospital for 5 months, she was finally transferred to a Nursing home as Doctors said she no longer had mental capacity and it wasn't safe for her to return home.
When I think back to early 2017, Mum and I were still going out shopping at the weekend, she was fairly mobile, although that deteriorated and I ended up taking her out in a wheelchair. She could hold a conversation and we still had a laugh and a joke. Fast forward to 2019 and conversations either go round in an endless loop or she forgets within a few minutes what we were talking about. Sometimes she talks about family (who are long dead) as though they were still here, that she has been on the bus and out to work etc. Her weight has dropped to 5 1/2 stone, she barely eats or drinks enough to keep her going. She is either constantly sleeping or agitated and anxious. Most of the time she still knows who I am but occasionally will ask 'who am I to her', or confuses me with some other family member. Oddly enough she always remembers my husbands name (even though she hasn't seen him for years) but one day asked me who his wife was...
Mostly I can distract or change the subject, engage her in attempting a crossword or number puzzle, but lately she's lost interest in everything - even watching snooker (she was was always an avid follower) or listening to the radio (it was on constantly at home). Her personal hygiene is awful and the NH say they 'can't force her' to wash or change her clothes, so she very often doesn't do either for days at a time. I try to coax her out of her clothes when I can and take them away to wash, but it's a hit and miss affair. She is intermittently doubly incontinent and has had a couple of falls since going into the home, none of which she remembers.
Back in July last year I was told by the hospital that she probably wouldn't survive more than a couple of days.... 7 months on and her physical and mental health has deteriorated significantly but she is still hanging in there. I am assuming she is in the mid to late stage of dementia, but medical people don't want to commit themselves and just say that it affects everyone differently and they go through it in their own way. Yes I know that, but they must have some idea as to where she is at...?
Then the guilt monster kicks in and I feel ashamed. People have said she is probably content/happy in her own way... but they don't know Mum like I do, and she is suffering. Whilst I dread the thought of losing her, I can't help but think it is incredibly cruel to keep a person going when in such poor health and they have no quality of life.
When I think back to early 2017, Mum and I were still going out shopping at the weekend, she was fairly mobile, although that deteriorated and I ended up taking her out in a wheelchair. She could hold a conversation and we still had a laugh and a joke. Fast forward to 2019 and conversations either go round in an endless loop or she forgets within a few minutes what we were talking about. Sometimes she talks about family (who are long dead) as though they were still here, that she has been on the bus and out to work etc. Her weight has dropped to 5 1/2 stone, she barely eats or drinks enough to keep her going. She is either constantly sleeping or agitated and anxious. Most of the time she still knows who I am but occasionally will ask 'who am I to her', or confuses me with some other family member. Oddly enough she always remembers my husbands name (even though she hasn't seen him for years) but one day asked me who his wife was...
Mostly I can distract or change the subject, engage her in attempting a crossword or number puzzle, but lately she's lost interest in everything - even watching snooker (she was was always an avid follower) or listening to the radio (it was on constantly at home). Her personal hygiene is awful and the NH say they 'can't force her' to wash or change her clothes, so she very often doesn't do either for days at a time. I try to coax her out of her clothes when I can and take them away to wash, but it's a hit and miss affair. She is intermittently doubly incontinent and has had a couple of falls since going into the home, none of which she remembers.
Back in July last year I was told by the hospital that she probably wouldn't survive more than a couple of days.... 7 months on and her physical and mental health has deteriorated significantly but she is still hanging in there. I am assuming she is in the mid to late stage of dementia, but medical people don't want to commit themselves and just say that it affects everyone differently and they go through it in their own way. Yes I know that, but they must have some idea as to where she is at...?
Then the guilt monster kicks in and I feel ashamed. People have said she is probably content/happy in her own way... but they don't know Mum like I do, and she is suffering. Whilst I dread the thought of losing her, I can't help but think it is incredibly cruel to keep a person going when in such poor health and they have no quality of life.
