in need of respite

[paris07]

Hi All,
I have not posted for a while, but I still read and take comfort in the fact I am not the only one who is sometimes doing it tough.I thank all for that.
My Mum is going into respite again, on the 24th October for 3 weeks once again it's going to be hard for me, it's started already, the guilt feeling, but I know I have to do it for my and my family sake.
Mums health has slipped a little ,she is very confused and rests a lot on her bed, also she is very quiet and does not seem to talk much.
I feel very blessed to have a good hubby, who puts up with a lot of my day to day moods , as well as Mum,s.
I would like to send my best wishes, to all at TP.
Regards
paris07

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Paris

It`s good to hear from you.

I hope you`ve made a full recovery from your surgery.

Don`t feel guilty about your mother going into respite care. You know it helps you and gives you some time for yourself.

Please keep in touch.

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Hi Paris, welcome back!

Try not to feel guilty about the respite. We all like to do the best we can for our loved ones, but sometimes we need time to regain our strength, ready to take up the reins again.

I'm sure your mum will be fine. Enjoy your break with your family,

Love,

 

[Margarita]

sometimes we need time to regain our strength, ready to take up the reins again.

That is so true

I have always found that guilt is one hell of a strong emotion to rid ourselves of.

Wishing your all the best & Joyful time with your family while your mother in respite care home.

 

[Helen33]

Hello Paris

I hope you gain some great benefit from having respite and that it feels like you are having your batteries charged up for the days/weeks/months/years ahead.

With regard to guilt - I think I'm finding it's about learning how to live with it and not letting it dominate the decision making process. There is a book called "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" and so I've decided there ought to be one called "Feel the Guilt and do It Anyway". I think if guilt had it's way, we'd all be run into the ground. Obviously, it sometimes serves a useful purpose in getting us to re-evaluate things.

Love and best wishes

 

[DianeB]

The feeling of guilt is emotionally consuming. If we allow it to we will end up with no benefit either. Please remember it will benefit our loved ones too as a break / respite helps us to spend some individual quality time with our families who are often put on the backburner when we are caring for those that are suffering ... and don't forget we suffer too..... so therefore we need the rest too. If you push yourself too far you will end up completely burned out yourself, and then you wont be able to care no matter how much you want to. You deserve a well earned rest and like others have said to re charge your batteries for the future. Take care and spend some me time on yourself too xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[frankiemcstein]

do you ever feel uneasy about leaving her there because your afraid that she won't be taken care of properly.

That's my main reason for not being able to do put my grandfather in respite yet.

 

[paris07]

Hi Frankiemcstein,

Sorry I took so long in answering your question,
No, I know she will be cared for very well as she has stayed in this aged care home a few times, but each time she complains constantly, every time I phone her. I have to tell a little white lie to get her in there,usually that one of my kids are sick and I have to go to them. I find it too difficult emotionally for me to visit her because of the complaints and "when am I coming home"
I'm lucky to have a lot of friends that will visit her and tell me of her progress.
I would advise anyone thinking of using respite to do it, as we need to get ourselves well and rested so we can care for our loved ones long term. Try, if you can to not be afraid as I know its hard for a carer to shake the "guilt monster" but sometimes we need to take a stand.

All the very best,
paris07