Trying to leave the appartment to go home

[erik]

My mother has rheumatism and arthritis and is in a lot of pain despite heavy pain medication. She sleeps a lot during the day and we have let her sleep thinking at least she's not in pain while she sleeps. She seems to have been sleeping OK at night and we haven't had any problems with her getting out of bed and walking about at night.

Until now!

She is starting to forget where she is (the appartment where she has lived for the last 40 years) and has started asking when we are going to go home. I know this often happens with people who suffer from Alzheimer as the disease progress.

For a few days now, she has gotten up during the night, dressed, put on a coat, packed a few bags and tried to leave the appartment to go home. I have an extra chain on the door and she has problems opening this - and the "baby monitor" I have set up next to the door wake me up as soon as she starts fiddling with the chain so I think she is safe; still, we haven't gotten much sleep the last couple of nights.

Yesterday my wife got my mother up and out of bed early and kept her active all day. We made sure she did not sleep/nap in the afternoon and evening hoping that she would be so tired she would fall asleep at night.

No such luck! It was worse than ever. Four or five times did we have to get up and try to get her back to bed last night!

Has anyone else experienced this behaviour and does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it?

Thanks
Erik

 

[Lynne]

Good morning Erik

Welcome to Talking Point.

I'm afraid I do not have any advice for you, as I have not experienced this particular behaviour with my mother.
From reading the posts of others on this forum, however, I know that it is very common, and I am sure there will be others who will reply with their experiences.

Best wishes

 

[suzanne]

going home

Hi Had similar problems with my mother last summer and underlying was an infection, maybe she has a urinary infection or she is constipated, they both set the wandering off beautifully. Also if she went to bed hungry she had a bad night so a hot milky drink and making sure she was warm enough settled her down. The constant wanting to go to her other home hasn't stopped but the wandering has. Also rather than alarming at the front door we put an alarm mat under a rug beside her bed so that when she got up she was headed off at the pass so to speak, directed to the toilet and then back to bed, she is now conditioned to wait for me at the bedroom door. Hope this of help.Suzy

 

[jenniferpa]

I would definitely take Suzy's advice to make sure she isn't suffering from an underlying infection. Also, I noticed that it was possible for my mother to become overtired, and when that happened, broken nights were ironically the result. In one way she almost seemed to be sleepwalking - not really asleep, not really awake, particularly when she would do stuff that she would find hard to do because of her arthritis when she was truly awake.

 

[sue38]

Hi Erik,

We have similar problems with my Dad. He gets up most nights, sometimes as early as 10.30 p.m. (having gone to bed at 8.30 p.m.) but most usually around 4 a.m. As you say keeping him up later at night or keeping him busy during the day makes no difference.

We have made sure he can't get out of the house and he just goes and sits in the lounge and falls asleep again.

We have stopped stressing over it and let him do it as he is coming to no harm.

 

[erik]

Thanks for all the replies so far. I'm definately going to check for an infection or constipation.

We cannot really ignore her because she is determined to leave the apartment. She will keep pulling at the chain and eventually start crying when she can't get it off. When we talk to her she refuses to go back to bed... she won't even take her coat off. We've been trying to tell her it's the middle of the night and that there are no busses running but even that doesn't stop her. She will just sit in the hall until we are back in bed and then try again to get out.

Erik

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Erik

My husband has only tried a couple of times to leave for `home` in the middle of the night. Most times he wants to go home in the late afternoon or early evening.

But when he did try to leave in the early hours, I shouted at him and threatened I would call on the police or Social Services to keep him safe as I was so frightened he would come to harm. He was so shocked he put his things down and said he`d go `tomorrow`.

I`m not in favour of threatening, but was in despair and used a threat as a last resort. I will understand if you are unhappy to try this with your mother but thought it worth a mention.

 

[erik]

Well, no constipation and no infection. And she's still up all night trying to get out. We have only managed to get a whole night's sleep 3 or 4 times the last 2 weeks! I am exhausted already!

I talked to her doctor (dementia specialist not her GP) at the hospital today and he said that we probably have to face the fact that we can no longer care for her at home. He says she really needs to be in a secure dementia ward in a nursing home now.

During the day she seems so lost and vulnerable - during the night she is totally confused and starting to get agressive. She still remember me and my wife, but not the appartment or the furniture, photographs and paintings. She has to ask where the bathroom is, where she is going to sleep.... she has lived in this appartment for 45 years.

The doctor is going to place her in a nursing home for assessment. I don't really know what's going to happen now. I have mixed feelings. One moment I think we can still take care of her for a while longer... the next moment I think: "How are we going to manage"

Erik

 

[Lanie]

Hi Erik

I have recently had to put my Mum into a home it certainly isn't and easy thing to do. But she'll be safe and looked after and you have to take what comfort you can from that without feeling to guilty about it. I'm not sure what homes are like in Norway but in the Uk the one I found for my Mum seems really good and involves the family, you can visit when you like and treat it as if it were her home.

I do hope everything goes ok for you and your Mum.

Take care.

Lanie

 

[Lynne]

Hello Erik

Well, I suppose it's good news that your Mother doesn't have an infection or constipation causing this change in her behaviour, but that rather underlines the undesirable fact - as her dementia consultant has said - that this is a new phase in her illness which will have to be dealt with in a different way.

How long have you & 'Mrs Erik' been looking after her at the apartment?
It must have been a great strain on you both, and I'm sure you will be very relieved at least to be able to get a few good nights sleep while she is having her assessment.
And of course you have mixed feelings about the future... but sometimes it is not possible to do all we would wish to do, however willing we are - the effects of the disease will not permit it.

Best wishes

 

[erik]

Well, we have been able to sleep fairly well since the doctor prescribed 25mg of Seroquel every evening for my mother. She still doesn't sleep at night, but she has stopped trying to "escape" to go home!

She still refuses to go to bed and she still walks around in the apartment at night but she doesn't make too much noise. She does sleep a bit during the night; sitting on a chair, on the sofa or on her bed.

Lynne; this coming X-mas it is 4 years since my mother got the Alzheimer diagnosis. We have been caring for her for close to 8 years and for almost 6 years she has been totally dependent on us.



Erik