Death of a family pet

[Littlebear]

On Monday our beautiful 15 year old Dalmatian was put to sleep. For some time now my OH has taken very little notice of her & to be quite honest I didn't think it would affect him much at all. He normally shows very little affection, emotion or empathy and is completely wrapped up in his own world. However he seems to have gone completely to pieces and spend much of the days in tears and repetitively asks where she is, when her funeral is, why did she die etc etc.

My concern is that our dog's death has pushed my OH's low mood into depression. He is terribly agitated & can't sit still for more than a few minutes before he is pacing around looking for things. He knows she has died so it's not that he's looking for her but her death does seem to have become his new obsession. He keeps bursting into tears and normal distraction tactics just aren't working. Does anyone have any ideas? I'd like some time to grieve aswell but at the moment all my energy is spent trying to keep my OH on an even keel.

 

[Banabarama]

I’m sorry I can’t really offer advice but want to offer my sympathy. It’s devastating to lose a beloved pet. My OH went into a deep depression when we lost a much loved cat but that was before the dementia (or maybe in early stage unrecognised dementia) and the extent of that surprised me for the same reasons as you have suggested. We each grieved in our usual separateness and after a couple of weeks he was ready - although I was not - to have a replacement! That I didn’t understand. All our minds work differently - dementia or not.

I hope that an experienced dementia carer can offer some wise words - probably in the morning. And I do hope that soon you can find a way to grieve in the way you need to.

 

[karaokePete]

You OH have not have shown any interest etc in your pet as that is a normal loss of empathy in dementia. However, emotions can, and usually do, remain strong in people with dementia, even if they lose the ability to express them.

Depression and anxiety are common bedfellows of dementia so if this phase continues or causes problems to either of you a chat with the GP may assist.

 

[Sirena]

I don't know your circumstances (or your own wishes) but I wonder if it would be possible to get another dog? There is no guarantee this would help your husband, but if he has always been accustomed to having a dog it may give him an outlet and focus for happier emotions. Of course the care of the dog would inevitably fall to you, so I realise it may not be the right answer.