Neighbours have gone

[padmag]

Thought I would put this out there, as I feel sad about what has happened to my neighbours. They are husband and wife, he is the carer for her, as she has Alzheimers. He is dedicated and she is very very difficult - I have seen her behaviour, she is on some form of medication to control her aggression but won't always take it. There have been many occasions where she wanders along the street in her bare feet, and sits on people's doorsteps. Just before Christmas I found her on the street so took her home (with a lot of cajoling) I found her husband sat sobbing in the hall head in hands, clearly with carer breakdown. She hadn't taken her medication. When I got home I called the social services and followed up with an email, about my concern for both of my neighbours especially the husband. I had no response whatsoever. A couple of days ago I noticed thier blinds were not drawn, and its not as they go away (no one visits, and they have animals so would not go away), the 2nd day I noticed they had not put out their bin, so I called on their door, shouted his name - no reply, just the cat miaowing They do sometimes go to the local shops but not for long. Later I knocked again no response, very worried now, also the cat was locked in. Called social services who were very unhelpful saying they could not give me any information, when I pushed they said all was being dealt with, I asked about the cat she just kept saying its all being dealt with, very high handed. I can only presume the husband has had some sort of breakdown and his wife is in care ( I did see 2 ambulances there about a 5 days ago, but they often have an ambulance) The next day I called to the cat and pushed some ice cubes through the letter box, but no response, so I hope that someone has taken it .
It's sad isn't it that people are all too busy not to notice something wrong? We live on a small street but its not very friendly and people would rather look the other way. This could be any of us.

 

[marionq]

Maybe the RSPCA would give you a better response if you told them about the cat.

This protection of info is getting out of order.

 

[padmag]

Maybe the RSPCA would give you a better response if you told them about the cat.

This protection of info is getting out of order.

Yes I was ready to do that but no sign of the cat - its a bungalow I could see inside.

 

[dancer12]

Thought I would put this out there, as I feel sad about what has happened to my neighbours. They are husband and wife, he is the carer for her, as she has Alzheimers. He is dedicated and she is very very difficult - I have seen her behaviour, she is on some form of medication to control her aggression but won't always take it. There have been many occasions where she wanders along the street in her bare feet, and sits on people's doorsteps. Just before Christmas I found her on the street so took her home (with a lot of cajoling) I found her husband sat sobbing in the hall head in hands, clearly with carer breakdown. She hadn't taken her medication. When I got home I called the social services and followed up with an email, about my concern for both of my neighbours especially the husband. I had no response whatsoever. A couple of days ago I noticed thier blinds were not drawn, and its not as they go away (no one visits, and they have animals so would not go away), the 2nd day I noticed they had not put out their bin, so I called on their door, shouted his name - no reply, just the cat miaowing They do sometimes go to the local shops but not for long. Later I knocked again no response, very worried now, also the cat was locked in. Called social services who were very unhelpful saying they could not give me any information, when I pushed they said all was being dealt with, I asked about the cat she just kept saying its all being dealt with, very high handed. I can only presume the husband has had some sort of breakdown and his wife is in care ( I did see 2 ambulances there about a 5 days ago, but they often have an ambulance) The next day I called to the cat and pushed some ice cubes through the letter box, but no response, so I hope that someone has taken it .
It's sad isn't it that people are all too busy not to notice something wrong? We live on a small street but its not very friendly and people would rather look the other way. This could be any of us.

Hi:

People complain about nosy neighbours and that neighbours should mind their own business but at times it's good to have a nosy. one around

 

[kindred]

Hi:

People complain about nosy neighbours and that neighbours should mind their own business but at times it's good to have a nosy. one around

My goodness yes it is. Just to say when I found one of my neighbours who has mild dementia was dazed and confused, sitting in her garden in the cold and saying she had just been discharged from hospital, I phoned social services who were actually extremely helpful, contacted her etc etc. I find this story about the husband and wife so very sad. So many shops etc have dementia friendly stickers on them but it is meaningless, absolutely meaningless. I am trying to get my church to actually BE dementia friendly. God, if someone had stopped me and asked me if there was anything they could do to help when I was going through hell .. But no one did. My church offered to organise a sitter at one stage but the so called head of care at the church interviewed me like I was a beggar and said that no one wanted to sit with someone with dementia. I ended the interview myself. This couple sound like they have been through hell. I am so very very sorry. Kindred.

 

[gotanybiscuits?]

Agreed, that makes a very sad read.

If anybody needs to feed a locked-in Cat:-
One of ours got locked in to a neighbours house for a week.......
An aluminium take-away tray easily goes through a letterbox.
You can then use a watering can to dribble in with water or milk.
Our Cat would eagerly stand up & drink from the spout.
Dry cat food is no prob to drop through, either.

 

[dancer12]

It's all so sad. People are just too scared & worried to show their concern. Too many senseless killings, too many knives & guns, too many wars, too many lawsuits making for too. little trust. We've become like unfeeling robots in a world that should be filled with compassion & understanding.

 

[padmag]

Update on next door situation. The cat is still there I have been feeding and watering it through the letter box. I rang the RSPCA last night and they've been great, they have managed to find the son in law who is looking after the cat (although he hasn't been there for the past 2 days). I received a call from the RSPA saying they are next door so I went over to meet the son in law. He told me that the husband (carer) has died. I was so shocked, but looking back before Christmas he was a broken man could hardly speak or function, never mind looking after a difficult pwd. My email to social services went unanswered or acted on in any way, I feel they have let him down, he has now paid the ultimate price. Shocking.

 

[kindred]

Update on next door situation. The cat is still there I have been feeding and watering it through the letter box. I rang the RSPCA last night and they've been great, they have managed to find the son in law who is looking after the cat (although he hasn't been there for the past 2 days). I received a call from the RSPA saying they are next door so I went over to meet the son in law. He told me that the husband (carer) has died. I was so shocked, but looking back before Christmas he was a broken man could hardly speak or function, never mind looking after a difficult pwd. My email to social services went unanswered or acted on in any way, I feel they have let him down, he has now paid the ultimate price. Shocking.

Oh my darling, oh dear. I am so so sorry about the poor husband, I am shocked and sorry. Sweetheart, you did more than anyone else, you tried to help and sort the situation. Oh that he should have had to suffer to the point where he was broken and died. This should not happen. Thank you for looking after the cat. With love and sympathy and thoughts, Kindred. xx

 

[padmag]

Oh my darling, oh dear. I am so so sorry about the poor husband, I am shocked and sorry. Sweetheart, you did more than anyone else, you tried to help and sort the situation. Oh that he should have had to suffer to the point where he was broken and died. This should not happen. Thank you for looking after the cat. With love and sympathy and thoughts, Kindred. xx

Thanks Kindred, I feel like I want to go and shout and knock on some doors, just to do something for the plight of carers. I have emailed the local paper to see if they respond. It needs to be voiced that carers get poorly, really poorly from caring, this poor man was on his knees, not that old really probably late sixties. I have looked at my email to the social services I was very clear that I was gravely worried about him and his mental/physical state.

 

[canary]

Thanks Kindred, I feel like I want to go and shout and knock on some doors, just to do something for the plight of carers. I have emailed the local paper to see if they respond. It needs to be voiced that carers get poorly, really poorly from caring, this poor man was on his knees, not that old really probably late sixties. I have looked at my email to the social services I was very clear that I was gravely worried about him and his mental/physical state.

One of the problems is, though, that if the carer themselves refuses the care, then Social Services cannot force them.
Too many people just keep struggling on without help and feel that they have to do this, or that it is a betrayal if they get help, or they dont want strangers in their house, or all sorts of "reasons".

Social Services can only step in once there is a crisis and Im sorry that this neighbour had the ultimate crisis.
We as carers have to look after ourselves

 

[TheBearsMummy]

This is a very sad story and one that I think needs to be brought to the notice of someone in a position to do something to prevent it happening to anyone else. I wonder if an email to your local MP and/or council member might help.
It was good of you to persevere when everyone else was looking the other way, I'm sure the cat appreciated what you have done.
On a slightly lighter note I am now pondering Heath Robinson ish methods of getting a water tray through the letterbox and into place whilst still having room for dry food

 

[kindred]

Thanks Kindred, I feel like I want to go and shout and knock on some doors, just to do something for the plight of carers. I have emailed the local paper to see if they respond. It needs to be voiced that carers get poorly, really poorly from caring, this poor man was on his knees, not that old really probably late sixties. I have looked at my email to the social services I was very clear that I was gravely worried about him and his mental/physical state.

Yes, thank you it does need to be said, so badly. Carers are high on the list of suicide risks too. with love, and thank you, Geraldinexx

 

[padmag]

One of the problems is, though, that if the carer themselves refuses the care, then Social Services cannot force them.
Too many people just keep struggling on without help and feel that they have to do this, or that it is a betrayal if they get help, or they dont want strangers in their house, or all sorts of "reasons".

Social Services can only step in once there is a crisis and Im sorry that this neighbour had the ultimate crisis.
We as carers have to look after ourselves

 

[padmag]

Hello Canary, there have been several crisis over the past year, and his breakdown before Xmas. He didn't really want to carry on, couldn't take care of himself never mind a pwd. He needed help to steer him in the right direction for his own health and safety. I think he has been let down by the social services as he was very weak physically and mentally. Its all too late now as his partner is going into care anyway. What a waste.

 

[padmag]

This is a very sad story and one that I think needs to be brought to the notice of someone in a position to do something to prevent it happening to anyone else. I wonder if an email to your local MP and/or council member might help.
It was good of you to persevere when everyone else was looking the other way, I'm sure the cat appreciated what you have done.
On a slightly lighter note I am now pondering Heath Robinson ish methods of getting a water tray through the letterbox and into place whilst still having room for dry food

 

[Sad Staffs]

Update on next door situation. The cat is still there I have been feeding and watering it through the letter box. I rang the RSPCA last night and they've been great, they have managed to find the son in law who is looking after the cat (although he hasn't been there for the past 2 days). I received a call from the RSPA saying they are next door so I went over to meet the son in law. He told me that the husband (carer) has died. I was so shocked, but looking back before Christmas he was a broken man could hardly speak or function, never mind looking after a difficult pwd. My email to social services went unanswered or acted on in any way, I feel they have let him down, he has now paid the ultimate price. Shocking.

This is so sad. Life can be so awful for some people.
I have often joked that our lovely lady that comes to help with our housework once a fortnight could find us both turning to dust as we have so few people who seem to really care about us.
I feel for the husband and what he must have coped with. It is just sad. It isn’t right. We carers are just used and abused by a system that cares so little. We are just cheap throw away labour....
B xx

 

[padmag]

Yes I could write a letter to my local counciller. I have limited time and energy as we all do, but I will do something.At least the cat had a varied diet as I didn't have specific cat food. I have thought about asking if I could have the cat but with Richard as he is I'm not sure about the litter tray and what would happen to it......more problems to deal with. Good idea about the tray.

 

[padmag]

Yes, thank you it does need to be said, so badly. Carers are high on the list of suicide risks too. with love, and thank you, Geraldinexx

That doesn't surprise me, because if we're all honest the thought must have crossed most of our minds in the caring for dementia world, as it strips us of nearly everything.

 

[padmag]

This is so sad. Life can be so awful for some people.
I have often joked that our lovely lady that comes to help with our housework once a fortnight could find us both turning to dust as we have so few people who seem to really care about us.
I feel for the husband and what he must have coped with. It is just sad. It isn’t right. We carers are just used and abused by a system that cares so little. We are just cheap throw away labour....
B xx

I feel some guilt about not knocking on the door before now. I did take them both some xmas lunch but apart from that I haven't been in touch. I feel as though i could/should have done more, sorry to ramble but these are my thoughts. They had no visitors and the son-in-law I saw today I have never seen before.We can all say if only.