Mum died 5 weeks ago ,she was in a nursing home as she needed. Round clock care. I organised her funeral dealt with everything and I still can't cry or even feel as if I'm grieving for her .Mum and I had a difficult relationship until she became ill 3 years ago I kept her at her home as long as I could but in May the time had come to go into residential care from then on her mental and physical health went down hill October she was moved into a nursing home where she died peacefully.is this normal to feel 'normal' not to cry but I sometimes feel so sad why can't I cry it's bothering me as I've also started to forget words or say the wrong words and get mixed up can't remember words to songs both of my parents had dementia sorry for rambling on just really confused with my emotions
Can't cry/grieve ..
- Thread starter Selwyn
- Start date
Selwyn, I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, and I offer my condolences and a virtual hug.
I'm grieving for my Mum, who died in June, but the only time I was able to cry at first was at her funeral, which I'd organised. Because I'm still a carer I felt I had to keep 'on an even keel' so as not to upset the family member I'm caring for.
You may cry eventually when something catches you by surprise - in the meantime, look after yourself, please. There's nothing wrong with being unable to cry. It's normal to be confused after a bereavement.
I'm grieving for my Mum, who died in June, but the only time I was able to cry at first was at her funeral, which I'd organised. Because I'm still a carer I felt I had to keep 'on an even keel' so as not to upset the family member I'm caring for.
You may cry eventually when something catches you by surprise - in the meantime, look after yourself, please. There's nothing wrong with being unable to cry. It's normal to be confused after a bereavement.
Last edited:
@Selwyn I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Difficult relationship or not, you obviously cared deeply about your mum.
We grieve in different ways, at different times. When my husband died, i thought the tears would never stop, even though he'd been deteriorating, and I'd had plenty of warning. When my dad died of leukemia, about 18 years ago, there were no tears. I think I had grieved so much in anticipation of his death.
The forgetfulness you mentioned could well be a symptom of your grief. Grieving often shows itself in an inability to concentrate, and a lack of attention to life going on around us. This is a time to cut yourself some slack, and be very gentle with yourself.
We grieve in different ways, at different times. When my husband died, i thought the tears would never stop, even though he'd been deteriorating, and I'd had plenty of warning. When my dad died of leukemia, about 18 years ago, there were no tears. I think I had grieved so much in anticipation of his death.
The forgetfulness you mentioned could well be a symptom of your grief. Grieving often shows itself in an inability to concentrate, and a lack of attention to life going on around us. This is a time to cut yourself some slack, and be very gentle with yourself.
Hi Selwyn, sorry to hear about your mum, and that you're feeling that things are not normal.
Everyone grieves in their own way and so what you do is normal for you. Grief doesn't mean crying, it can do but equally for many, it manifests in other ways, the forgetfulness you mention, sadness, sighing, lack of sleep can all be grief.
When mum died just over a year ago, I cried non stop, and she'd many years in the last few months of her life. I've not cried since, save once when we buried her ashes and once when the song we played at her funeral was on the radio. That would reduce me to tears in seconds.
But mum is never far from my thoughts, I see her in many everyday things and I recall now the happy times. Little things we do or say, one of us will say ' mum would.......'
Please be super kind to yourself. Try not to expect to be a certain way, just be how you are and accept if you can, that it's perfectly ' normal'
Thinking of you x
Everyone grieves in their own way and so what you do is normal for you. Grief doesn't mean crying, it can do but equally for many, it manifests in other ways, the forgetfulness you mention, sadness, sighing, lack of sleep can all be grief.
When mum died just over a year ago, I cried non stop, and she'd many years in the last few months of her life. I've not cried since, save once when we buried her ashes and once when the song we played at her funeral was on the radio. That would reduce me to tears in seconds.
But mum is never far from my thoughts, I see her in many everyday things and I recall now the happy times. Little things we do or say, one of us will say ' mum would.......'
Please be super kind to yourself. Try not to expect to be a certain way, just be how you are and accept if you can, that it's perfectly ' normal'
Thinking of you x
@Selwyn - I am sorry to hear about your Mum.
Don't worry about crying or not.
It's now a year since my Mum died and I haven't shed tears once.
Not because I don't feel it - I'm desolated - but because I had to hold myself together to deal with some distressing situations over a period of five years or so.
I know I'd feel better if I could cry, and I expect you would too - but you can't force it. Let yourself feel what you feel. You have nothing to prove.
As for your forgetting things - that is quite natural when you've had an emotional shock, as you have. You say you aren't 'grieving' - but you are, it is simply manifesting itself as a kind of numbness, probably because you've been through so much. It's like battle fatigue.
My underlying feeling is what a pity it was that Mum had to change like that because of this horrible disease. You may feel something of the same - or something else entirely. The death of a mother is such a profound loss and there's a rich mix of guilt, regret, anger and powerlessness in with the sorrow.
Five weeks is no time at all. Allow the dust to settle. Be kind to yourself, just as, despite the difficult relationship, you made so many kind decisions for your Mum.
Don't worry about crying or not.
It's now a year since my Mum died and I haven't shed tears once.
Not because I don't feel it - I'm desolated - but because I had to hold myself together to deal with some distressing situations over a period of five years or so.
I know I'd feel better if I could cry, and I expect you would too - but you can't force it. Let yourself feel what you feel. You have nothing to prove.
As for your forgetting things - that is quite natural when you've had an emotional shock, as you have. You say you aren't 'grieving' - but you are, it is simply manifesting itself as a kind of numbness, probably because you've been through so much. It's like battle fatigue.
My underlying feeling is what a pity it was that Mum had to change like that because of this horrible disease. You may feel something of the same - or something else entirely. The death of a mother is such a profound loss and there's a rich mix of guilt, regret, anger and powerlessness in with the sorrow.
Five weeks is no time at all. Allow the dust to settle. Be kind to yourself, just as, despite the difficult relationship, you made so many kind decisions for your Mum.
Sorry for your loss, I agree there is no right or wrong. I'm not an emotional type. I lost mum when I was at school and couldn't cry- I felt relief that she was spared degradation from her illness and cross that others openly grieved when she was my mother and not theirs. Hard to explain. Maybe I should have cried more at the time but it never came.
With Dad , I have no guilt, I cared for him up to his early 90s, saw him through so many near misses, he had more than the cat's proverbial 9 lives and he couldn'at have had more. Yes I miss him but his time had come.
If I loose a dog I go to pieces. No right and wrong - just different ways of dealing with different types of grief.
With Dad , I have no guilt, I cared for him up to his early 90s, saw him through so many near misses, he had more than the cat's proverbial 9 lives and he couldn'at have had more. Yes I miss him but his time had come.
If I loose a dog I go to pieces. No right and wrong - just different ways of dealing with different types of grief.
